moments, drip, drip, drip

2012-02-11T21:04:00.000-08:00

I like to write here and haven't been here for quite a while really until yesterday and the 9th of Jan. 2012. I like this format, because it gives me a certain feeling of anonymity that I don't feel I have at Face Book. I don't want everybody to know what or how I am thinking. I tried that in the past and learned over time that trusting everyone is a mistake for me. If a person knows where to look they can find my page. Yet, with that, I still feel a certain amount of privacy. Another reason to write here is I can save, sleep my computer and come back to it like I have been doing this afternoon gone into evening.

The limitations of my body seem to be catching up to the limitations of my mind. The last month of 2011 and the first month of 2012 have changed me rather suddenly or that's how it feels. Actually, the changes have been happening over time, but I haven't been letting my mind acknowledge them. I tell some people about my experiences and what I say seems like it is a little hard for them to understand. Of course, my ability to communicate has always been strained. I have always been either misunderstood or misunderstood. Non-sense? Not to me. Only to those who can't imagine there are many ways of being, thinking, feeling. We limit ourselves by our habits, expectations and desires.

Today was another day of strong feelings. Today I was understanding and accepting something about my chronological age. I was helping one of my friends on a plumbing task he was doing at home and together our ages add up. I was thinking none of us can escape the inevitability of the life cycle. He was telling me about his limitations, that he feels his mind leaning into dementia and I said I have been prepared for that my whole life because my particular challenge leaves me always feeling as though I am missing something. I have been lost most of my life, but also have noticed other changes.

The job went well. It is often a good thing to have a second opinion when one is doing a job that one is unfamiliar with. We balanced each other. We worked it out and got the job done to his satisfaction. If we had not met the challenge well enough, we would have had to call the plumber. That would have been costly. We handled it and then went to the grocery. We went to People's and Trader Joe's.

I have been ignoring or denying some of the changes that come, but I can't ignore or deny them anymore. I am accepting how I am changing and that change is the only constant and inevitable. It is adapting to the changes that are tough. Adapting and adjusting is what I am meant to do. Resisting this basic of needs seems to be a common action in this, our species.

2012-02-11T10:06:00.000-08:00

Johnny Cash singing "Your Own Personal Jesus" a cover on his album American IV.

I am being pulled along like a cork in the ocean, bobbing up and down on and in a current. I am only slightly able to make course changes.

Feelings were stronger yesterday, much stronger. I am often confused still by my feelings, so I just feel them and eventually time takes away the strength and allows me to find some perspective. It's a heck of ride and sometimes I wish I had more input into the direction I am traveling. All that I feel begs the age old question, what, who why, where?

The best I can get is to keep putting that other foot in front of the other, walking through the time that is much like that big bowl of gelatin. It is probably lime gelatin because when lime is added to anything, it brings out extraordinary flavors. People and lime, brings out more than the ordinary.

I'm attempting to head out to a friends to consult with him on a plumbing issue and perhaps put a wrench to some part of his plumbing system. I just got a message on my phone and I must go now. Now!

Yesterday was a recovering, relax day. Today is a get mobile day.

2012-01-09T09:06:00.000-08:00

Today I am going to take a hot epsom salt bath, eat a bagel with toffutti on it and after that likely get out and about, perhaps ride the bus.

Hot water bath. I look forward to spring, when the roads are once again clear so that my friend and I can drive up to Bagby Hot Springs, take a little hike and then soak in that good mineral water.

What adventures await us with the ever lengthening days? There are going to be many. There is also hard work ahead. I am currently involved with two working groups, two unions. The first union is a solidarity and organizing union, The IWW. When people think of the IWW they think of the labor struggles back in the 1930's but have little info that the IWW is alive and growing once again. The other union I am involved with is the one representing me as a school bus driver, The ATU757. It is a business union and is in my opinion stuck, spinning it's wheels, not understanding what needs to change in order to get members involved. It has not evolved into a strong group of workers because it is almost like a business, collecting dues from us and passing out information as a small group of officers decides is the path they want to take.

I have more faith in the IWW because of the way we do organizing. The members I am involved with are all leaders and we are democratic in all of our processes. In Portland, the IWW is quite strong and growing. Look for our world convention in Aug. 2012. When we host this convention there will be a lot of energy and focused business being decided upon democratically. I intend to be right in the thick of the involvement. It is an awesome process that will be a great learning experience for all those who are touched by it.

Enough for now. Life is calling, the hot bath, the cell phone, my auto mechanic, a ride on the bus. It is all tugging at me for attention.

growing pains

2011-12-30T08:12:00.000-08:00

Growing up from a child to an adult, what does that mean exactly. I never knew in any cohesive terms, just small views here and there and then back into whatever oblivion I had chosen or been offered to lessen the pain of moving from one moment to the next. I had little cognitive idea what my place in our society was supposed to be. I had very little ability to connect the points of my life to the next.

There are some who say we are all in the same boat and that is true, we are all in this together, but also say we must each honor the differences in each of our life's experiences or we will learn little, just continuing to think that everyone's experiences are the same, assuming conditions that are not necessarily true for others. We can not assume that if you have the will to do something, you can because there are people out there who can't get that done, do to physical or mental or other limitations. There are those out there that have overcome their limitations, but they are the exceptions not the rule.

There are plenty of us out here who have had many opportunities to cease to exist, many times that we have or should have, yet here we are and why? That's a big question. There are small adjustments that I continue to make and I am learning still which is a good thing. If I don't learn as I go, I won't be able to lead along this path. Leading is something I discovered about myself. I have determined that I am a leader not a follower. Each of us as individuals is capable of many things. We share many traits and our up bringing determines much of who we are to become. I had glimpses of who I was going to be. Others couldn't envision a future for me other than as a trouble maker or someone who was going to end up at the bottom of the pile. I have been at the bottom and I have been high on the ladder. Now I am just trying to record all of my experiences so that I too can leave a small imprint for just a moment in time.

We will all turn to dust and then our sun in some many thousands of years with grow to a large red giant and engulf all the planets in our solar system and even our foot prints will be swallowed up into oblivion! Of course, we will be long gone in our lives and our children's children's children, unknown whether they will even survive our inconsistencies to leap off this planet. The size of all existences is to large to imagine for most of us. Thinking of all the energy sources beyond our planet, our solar system, our galaxy, our universe. Such heady words, probably beyond our comprehension. I tremble trying to think of how insignificant I am in this ever expanding train of thinking! Wow, I've certainly experienced my share of growing pains and now it is time to bring my mind back to earth and think of being in the moment. This drip, drip drip existence that I am experiencing. That we are all plodding through.

Another end, Another beginning!

2011-12-25T11:25:00.000-08:00

So many drips have passed before my eyes. They have filled many pools. Some of them are in the cool hard porecelin of the bath tub, some of them in cool clear mountain streams. It is hard to recollect all the drips of time as one tries to once they have formed pools.

Looking at a pool gives thought of reflection if it is still, if we can be still. Sitting to the side, the front or whatever location. On a rock or on the element of the dirt or leaning on a tree. Finding that stillness is my choice, our choice. Piling our stillness into the last few days of a year is over whelming. Over the top. Making that choice of doing it all in one moment is over whelming. We don't have to choose this pool over all the drips.

Music is flooding over me as I sit here, cooling from sitting in my resin based pool of hot to warm water, now air, turning much of my energy inward. Reflecting on much, getting ready for more. There is always more until there is no more, at least in this reality of dripping moments.

I still haven't found the solution to my blog going to face book notes

2011-08-15T19:43:00.000-07:00

I am still baffled by my blog showing up on my Face Book notes. I wanted it to link at some point and now I am thinking I may not. Of course, 6 of 1, 1/2 dz of the other. Why should I care?

On another note my pal Dan had a big cortisone shot in his hip today with the big needle. I have my own little medical episode to report on too.

I have been feeling this discomfort in my chest for about 3 weeks. Actually, I don't know exactly how long its been, but for some time. So the other day I got call from work about my health insurance that is a 10 month policy, but I worked 80 hours in July, so they wanted to know if I wanted to pay my part of the premium, about $35 for Aug. and I did. So back to my little chest pain. I looked on the web at the kp.org site to see if I could make an appointment etc. but determined I would just ride my bike the couple of miles or 3 down there and go to urgent care. When a 61 year old guy goes to a hospital and tells them he has been having chest discomfort for about 3 weeks, they busy fast. I have to keep reminding myself I am 61 and putting into a figure 61 helps me to realize I am talking about myself. One word, Gastritis!

That diagnosis came after I got all the tests. And they were quiet surprised when I told them I rode my bike to the hospital. I kept my sense of humor when they tried to find my veins for various needles using the nurse in training. I told when you put it in and if you miss, don't spend to much time hunting around in there or likely to get a black eye from my right hand! I told her I was not serious about the black eye, but serious about hunting. The full fledged nurse had to help out. She had x-ray eyes and found it without withdrawing it. They poked me 3 times with needles and the CT scan, whoa! Had my ECG taken and that was pretty good, but the doctor wanted to make sure and the CT scan was sci-fi all the way. Considering that I watched Blade Runner last night and some other sci-fi last night, well what do you expect?

They gave me about 300 years of radiation, that is 300 years of going out in the sun every day for that period of time is how the doctor described it. That means I've had about 500 years now of radiation along with my regular daily doses. This CT scan was different than the one I had 4 years ago. They put iodine into my veins 4 contrast so they could get a better idea about my heart the arteries. The iodine for all you folks that have not had it is like drinking really hot chocolate. They described it as feeling like wetting you pant, warm urine or something. I just think that description was from some folks who have a limited imagination. So, you drink this really hot chocolate, but it's not to hot. It warmed up my throat, I could feel it in my chest, warm from the inside out. My hands broke into a sweat, warm, like sitting in a hot tub, every part of my body lit up like the 4th of July for about 10 seconds and they did it 2 times. They shot me without it one time for a normal scan. I asked the tech and she said that women have described it kind of like the hot flashes they get at the change of life. So, that was it. Spent about 3.5 hours in the hospital getting poked, prodded and scanned all the while on O2 which really didn't do anything other than keep me a little bit away, not like when I had carbon monoxide poisoning and they gave be big does of 02.

Reading the paper work they gave to me after I left the hospital, I see that I am supposed to be taking Omeprazole and probably could have purchased it at Kaiser but didn't read the paper work until I got home. It is now 10 past 8 pm and I think I need to drive to the store. I don't like riding my bike on main streets or at dusk that much. I need to get some of this and some of that. I think I should get something for dinner. Life, what a long strange trip its been....

test, test this is a test!

2011-08-14T11:43:00.000-07:00

I'm writing this because what I have been writing is showing up on my face book notes. i have nothing linking to face book at blogger or face book. If this publishes to my notes on face book I will still have to find out why and ask someone some pointed questions.

Good Grief Charlie Brown politicians are dancing all around the issues.....

2011-08-14T09:18:00.000-07:00

Politicians are trying to please the greatest number of people possible and therefore can not bring themselves to answer questions directly fearing they will drive numbers of people away from their plans on being re-elected. Effectively, Politicians=Liars!

I am like many of my fellow Americans are so tired of the superstar status we seem to place on our politicians, that they are omnipotent in their office, but our government is supposed to be about coming together, letting go of the differences and finding solutions to our common goals. Quite frankly, I am tired of the blaming, the corporations not paying a proportional share representative of the share I pay in taxes. I am tired of hearing of CEO's that are making 300 times the wage of the majority of their employees which when talked about in real figures is like $50,000 per day! This is outrageous! I would be very comfortable making $50,000 a year and there are people making this per day? The greed has surpassed anything reasonable and the business model that these folks keep trying to shove down our throats is completely unrealistic! The question is, "What are we willing to do to make changes?" Apparently, nothing and so it continues.

It is obvious to me that although, many corporations say they can regulate themselves it is obvious they are still under the impression that we believe them. That relatively recent adage that if we tell people something even if it isn't true enough times, eventually they will believe it. Apparently, there is still a large group of Americans that is still offering that line of thinking up and that is the main stream press! The main stream press is a contradiction, a conflict of interest and it is questionable if they can represent the news without bias since they are controlled by corporations!

Again, I just heard a "journalist" say that Obama's administration has racked up the greatest debt this country has ever seen. This debt we are in has been being created for several decades starting with tax rollbacks for the rich and corporations. Remember the term trickle down economics? Well that is part of the problem and different politicians have a certain level of denial about what the issues are for the American People.

There is a large contingent of my fellow Americans who have turned a corner and are working on local. Live locally because the country has got to be to big and corporations have come to be to big, so what do we do? Withhold our consuming of large corporate products that are effectively unregulated by people who don't have the same values as some of us and who tell us they do. Good Grief Charlie Brown!

Something I meant to post in the previous post.

2011-08-13T15:25:00.000-07:00

Carlos Santana said in an interview that all he wanted to do since he was a little boy was play the guitar and that is what he focused on, that there were no distractions for him.

I lived in the another world with nothing but distractions. However through the frustrations of my distracted mind, through the distraction of people who would not listen to my concerns growing up was spawned a level of writing helping to relieve some of my frustrations. This is a part of my story of why I have had multitudes of jobs, careers, girlfriends, fights, discontent, drug addiction and still managed to survive in as world that treated me like I didn’t belong, that cast me out so far that I assumed the role of outcast, the crazy boy, the bad boy, because it was so much easier to fill a ready made category than try and get them to think outside of the box where all my thinking took place in the 1950’s, ‘60’s and 1970’s. Although this is part of an introduction to my own book, you may come across some familiar sentences or ideas because.I have almost always had a tendency to repeat some things since I struggle to recall what even I have said or written.

Imagine sitting in the kitchen and my mom is cooking lunch. I’m 4 years old and she is cooking soup on the gas stove; it smells so good! The weather outside is a cloudy, blustery and cold day, she is wearing an apron with a check pattern; there is a fly going in circles around the light fixture attached to the ceiling and a draft is coming in under the kitchen door that goes down the back stairs to the garden, the wind is making a sound that reminds me of Halloween. My older sister, Margaret is at school and won’t be home until 2pm. Instead of walking home from school, she will be taking the bus because of the weather. Hot soup weather!

It’s ready and she brings the bowl to the table, beef alphabet with little pieces of beef, carrots, green beans, peas, noodles in the shape of numbers and letters of the alphabet. The soup is hot and steaming! All those ingredients floating around in there, ummm. Well the soup bowl is my brain. Information comes in and floats around in there and when I want to retrieve it, I have some trouble doing so because I grab at bits that have no standard place to live, they just swirl around in the bowl, following an order I don’t have a clue about.

I am working on my book but all of my distractions are.....

2011-08-13T14:52:00.000-07:00

I have been working on my book since I decided to write one 2004. I am a little superstitious about talking about it or excepts from it, but I have to share something about it, because I contend with a high level of distractions every day and I think they come out more because of old behavior patterns that were instilled in me in the past. I have a self destruction gene or programing that rears it's head especially when I try and organize my thoughts or accomplish something important. Many of my old feelings surface, low self esteem, which translates into very negative thoughts from the past.

I have been trying to live my life now for about 11 years with the knowledge that I have forms of ADD and perhaps TBI. These are serious challenges that have kept me from leading a more normal life, yet are not readily detectable by others except when I act out in a negative way. I have been reading some books on ADD/ADHD by a couple of authors and a little on stroke, but have been writing journals etc. for a long long time to deal with my frustrations on functioning in a world that emphasizes individuals yet when someone such as me comes along fails often to reach us, to seek what it is that makes our individualism and fails to help us with our assets. What society has always done with me is tried to change me to fit into preexisting categories which requires changes to my make up that doesn't allow me to pursue my own assets with my own abilities. I don't know if this makes any sense. It is my way of attempting to clear my thoughts so I can get back into my own manuscript.

It seems I have spent my life trying to find my path and my path keeps coming back over and over, starting over and over. My path has to do with communication and truth, integrity and honor. I have taken the long way around to come to this conclusion often blinded by frustration and anger because there has been few people who were willing to listen to words that I use to attempt to describe who I am what I am about. Writing is a way to get the words out, to calm myself, because we all need to find our focus, our center, our peace. It is becoming more and more apparent that I need to continue on my path of pursuing my writing, my book. I'm encouraged by some books I've read that are small and have less than 200 pages because thinking of a book presents a library in my brain of all kinds of large impossible books that tend to daunt me into inactivity. The struggles I have, they are not the greatest or most painful struggles in the world, there are people with greater struggles, more pain, yet we each have a story. I am alive because of many factors. I tell newer friends I have checkered past because I have done many things that I am not proud of beyond the past 25 years. I have been making amends to myself and others this last 25 years and continue to struggle with how I feel, changing my patterns of behavior, doing what is right as opposed to self destructive life styles etc. At least now, I have had plenty of time to steer a different course, one that is not so self destructive, but it is still not the healthiest. I know what I need to do, but turning direction is hard to do with years of self doubt and shame etc. Details... I don't want to list things I've done. I want to get out of here and work on the piece. I came to clear my head and this is about as good as it get. Thanks to the universe for allowing my existence and pushing me to reach beyond my comfort zone.

When I was a young curious lad in North Los Altos, CA

2011-08-09T15:26:00.000-07:00

When I was a young lad with my friends, we got into the basement of a house that was vacant at the end of a street that was a dead end. I remember Bay trees there. We got into the basement and it was stacked with magazines and newspapers and there were little pathways between them. It was dark, but we had lights and I found a Life Magazine from either 1921 or I recollect 1926 and in it were pictures that were taken of Lincoln's exhumation in 1901. I remember seeing a picture in that Life Magazine of Abraham Lincoln with coins on his eyes in his coffin. Now, I am looking on the web and I have found nothing to substantiate my memory of that day, that magazine. I am going to continue looking more, but it could be that someone made a decision to suppress that picture at some point along the way. I would have grabbed the magazine, but I did have a sense of right and wrong at the time. Of course, I think that month's later I found out they destroyed the house completely loosing all of those magazines to the land fill. They are probably decomposing under the Shoreline Amphitheater complex in Mt. View, CA.

A poem by Wallace E. High about War!

2011-08-04T10:45:00.000-07:00

I copied this text by Wallace E. High after reading it in the June 24, 2011 Street Roots, which I hadn't read until Aug. 3, 2011. I don't necessarily, am not starved for information that I have to read something right now, after purchase or getting a hold of such as free press. I like to let things rest before diving in sometimes.This week the Veterans for Peace and the Iraq and Afghanistan Veterans Against War are having their National Conference in Portland.

This poem by Mr. Wallace E. High brings home to me the devastation of war. It makes me want to gather body parts in a bag, take them to those who would wage war, yet not be among those who were losing their lives and go to their palaces with their fine furnishings and place the bag of body parts, bleeding and discolored with death upon their tables of plenty. I have not lived through war in this lifetime, but that is not to say I don't have memories of carnage. My memories weigh heavy in the depths of my being. I wonder if those that promote war, read the accounts of war by those whom they have sent to it, who have returned, changed forever?

" I Am War" by

Wallace E. High

"I am war,
I am a living, breathing, beast,
Mercy I know it not,
My fuel is diesel and blood,
Bleak detritus of forceful men
Who once knew honor,
Who once knew love,
But power stole their souls.

I am war,
Unleashed bequeathed upon the earth
Where no segment lies untouched,
Carried by the winds of hastening
To escape the horror that stirs them,
That makes the cyclone a child's toy,
A mere puff from a lad's lips
Blowing at the dandelion's laces.

I am war,
I am a ravenous beyond sating,
Starving for destruction,
There is no justice here within
For there is not heart n this;
This is the madness of men,
Cruel beyond imagining,
Relentless in pursuit of death.

I am war,
I am brilliant in my scheming,
My intelligence soars soars seeking,
Leaping like a springbok
For meaner ways to erase
Memories of faces smiling,
Baby's tiny fingers grasping,
Laughing at daddy's nose.

I am war,
I am the master of waste
Making mothers pale and cry
For dying children torn from the breasts;
My breath comes of napalm blasts,
Clouds of sinister, seeping gases
That stifle feeble efforts at life
And turn good deeds to mockery

I am war,

I am a strident voice ringing
In cloistered halls where
Old men gather to vent their ire
With the lives of stalwart sons
And daughters directed to the fray
Beguiled and betrayed to stand
Before the maws of howitzers roaring.

I am war,
I am misery beyond reckoning,
The greedy grider hastening
The return to the earth of dust
Made of moldering bones
Strewn by deadly claymores leaping,
Blasting upward from concealment,
Scattered by jackals of the desert sands.

I am war,
I am relentless in my pursuits,
Making no distinction in the dying,
Man, woman, child or beast,
What care I where shrapnel flies'
Suffice to say I am here,
My history written in blood, darkly,
Learn form this, my child, and fight no
more”

I am consistently inconsistent

2011-08-01T08:58:00.001-07:00

At least this is an attribute, there is a plus side to me that is not always obvious to me and if not to me, how to you?

I'm still driving a school bus here in Portland Oregon, except, not really because it is summer. I have pursued this way of earning a living now for almost 4 years and am looking at getting in with the regional transit agency. My age may play a part against me, but I am keeping a positive hopefulness and projecting that feeling outwards so that I may get an interview. I have also this last weekend cut and shaved off my long, can't remember the exact name of my type of beard that was 3 or 4 inches long in hopes of the whole feeling of being willing to go to lengths to make myself appear to be less gruff.

I really do love this blog, but there is just so much info available and I am working on other pieces not electronically on any media, but somewhere to get into the public eye through paper media. A friend of mine says I am looking always for a way to get something published to become established and at my advance age. It is a daunting task that is as much push and pull as any of my endeavors. Got to go, think I will attempt to come here more. :)

I know that face book is not the place to post my rants

2011-06-03T20:34:00.000-07:00

I am disgusted with our society! Here we are living our lives, complaining about our lives or not and 1% of our population is off in countries chosen by our politicians fighting wars they are never going to win. Of course, the credo in that is we can't not fight or our fellows that have died will have died in vain. WAR! What is it good for? The wars we have been engaged in have plenty to do with our economy! They have to do with profits and companies such as Boeing Aerospace Corporation and making money for their share holders. This sucks! Boeing is not the only company that profits from a war economy. Many of the aerospace companies, the oil companies, and many more, to many to list are making money from WAR! Isn't it time we stood up and said no more. Sunny weather is here and there is nothing stopping us from massing in the streets and saying NO MORE WAR, fuckers!

the company I work for pretty well sucks.....

2011-06-03T19:22:00.000-07:00

Every time our buses go out, the propane ones there is a huge sucking sound. Since propane is like having a V-6 running on 3 cylinders they suck a lot and give us little power to get out of our own way.

I finally broke down and applied for Tri-Met, but think that maybe they aren't biting my application. Maybe I have to know someone which is often the case when applying to some jobs. I just know that I need to work more, earn more. I am so tired of working part time and being hungry for work and having to deal with harassment from other workers who don't have a procedure, from the bosses down. You don't know about a procedure until you violate it because they don't want to be held accountable for having said anything. Some of the issues I have are "oh, we haven't paid for that in the past" My answer, page 32 or 34 of employee handbook that says "any work you perform that benefits the company shall be compensated" I printed the page and every time I do work that they don't pay for attach it to my pay sheet. And there is a system they use for electronic pre trips that is shaving time off of our sign on times. We have to pick up our pay and trip sheets and keys and this disputed and sign an attendence sheet and they give us 5 minutes to get to our buses and wand on there, but if you get there 6 minutes late, then you are late 6 minutes, even though you have already started working. This. job is taking and they want to take more. Our next contract negotiation is scheduled for June 13th. And of course the company wants to only pay us 1% for the first year and 0.05% the second year. That's down from 3% We have no leverage, since we have a no strike clause and our union officers are signing contract extentions without asking us what we want. Oh well, same union at Tri-Met and the union officers made these operators essential services back in maybe 2005 taking away their ability to go out on strike. Our Mar/Apr transit magazine reports on Toronto Government stripping transit operators in Canada of their right to strike calling it a set back to labor. Hello! drip, drip drip.

a lot of drips under the bridge since last post

2011-05-22T17:05:00.000-07:00

Well, it is all fluid. Been precipitating a lot here in the Pacific Northwest. It seems we have finally broken the cycle of all that and had some warmer dryer weather. I have been busy, to busy with my real world life and not really writing enough for myself. I have been busy with a group of other school bus drivers and looking up, down, across and throughout the web at info that is related to my working under a collective bargaining agreement. I have also applied finally for other work as summer is nearly here and school will be out soon which is the end of my lucrative contract as a contract school bus driver. My cynic is alive and well.

I have applied to the regional transit agency. No word yet since the posting does not expire until the 25th of May. I hope I get into the interview this time. Sometimes it seems I miss important parts of applications on line. I thoroughly went through the application this time checking for omission. Kind of like DEQ which is looking for emissions. I know, sometimes my writing is nonsensical, which may not be a word, but spell check didn't underline it.

Whimsical, I am certainly not musical, although that reminds me, I would like to go see Steve Earle at the Crystal Ballroom soon. I have to check into tickets. I will have to see it I can afford it. I don't imagine going with anyone else. I hate crowds unless I am with someone, so we'll see if I actually purchase a ticket or what. A lot of drips I have missed and I even have this page bookmarked on my bookmarks bar, but that is just how distracted I really am.

More rants from a disenfranchised citizen!

2011-03-20T13:10:00.000-07:00

I've considered several options today and ended up nixing them all and coming back to this blog, which I have not posted one item in ages.

The events of the last decade have stimulated many including yours truly to spew forth venomous verbiage about one topic or another. Several events have now pushed me into once again posting something that is social, political and economic.

Our country, the USA and now much of the world is driven by the quest for more wealth. I am aware of what this is doing to the world and my own security and peace of mind. Think Globally, act locally! It is never more apparent to me than now, how much of a snow job corporations want us to believe in the magic bubble of lies that they spew constantly to purchase their products, give them tax breaks, invest in them, and let them get away with murder, because it was just an accident! Well folks, we need to take away some of the entitlements corporations have won over the last 120 years and bring them back to accountability and responsibility.

Corporations have once again enslaved us even though we are more educated than in the past when we all were living in the feudal system. The people with money don't want fairness, they don't want to separate themselves from their hard earned cash and they don't want to die penniless which is exactly how they are going to die, because none of us can take it with us!

The rich continue to get richer which is part of their plan. Part of their plan is to enslave those whose jobs can not be out sourced and make a percentage point or ten about the previous year n profits. We have lost the balance were once on the way to achieving with the power of democratic unions, but those have been declining ever since the 1970's. Since the unions have declined in membership, they have less money to spend on political campaigns forcing the Democrats too to look to big business for campaign financing. Why don't we get rid of all that and go to a tax based campaign finance system? We don't have the money to influence or politicians like corporations do, that's why. First we lost the steel mills because the corporations could have steel made cheaper somewhere else and there went some good high paying jobs. Then the auto workers under attack because corporations don't want to pay and they are continually looking for a way to minimize their costs and increase their profits. The coal mining corporations can't outsource their work so they have to do things like have low safety standards and kill off some of their workers every once in a while. Of course, anyone might say they are not killed intentionally, yet if the mine operators were as concerned when mining was going well as they say when an "accident" happens, the chances of accidents would be much less. Coal accounts for something like 50% of our energy production. Nuclear accounts for about 20% which leaves hydro-electric, solar, wind and geo-thermal to fill the rest.

Our country, THE USA is behind in pursuing anything but coal and nuclear production because the up front costs are more than they are will to put out by themselves and the available government money is not as much as they want to use. The corporations are all the while avoiding paying taxes, yet looking for ways to get tax money for their projects. Every time these corporations look for the easier to them way, it costs us. Let me repeat that. Every time corporations look for the easier to them way of minimizing their costs and increasing their profits. They do this by whittling away at workers wages and by paying lobbiests to persuade congress people to vote in their favor lowering their taxes, making laws against workers and generally telling the public that they are working in favor of them such as the Greening of America while defacing the planet, stripping away the regulations that are supposed to be their to protect us and for what, GREED ! It is plain and simple, Many corporations have become so large that they just don't care about the people and they don't even have to pretend that they do. Well, running out of steam for this. I hope someone reads it and it causes them to think a moment at a time. Drip, Drip, Drip.

A lot has been happening since July 2010, LIARS!

2010-11-22T12:40:00.000-08:00

So I have been spending a lot of time on Face Book because I can write a lot there and in my notes page. There is really no reason for me to have this account too. I have heard the words that facebook is attempting to collect all of peoples into the same user friendly system with email, fb and their other services. It looks like it is going the same way other media's have gone to the big 3 or 4 and all the little guys will be chewed up and spit out, except there are to many established little guys so perhaps that is what Net Neutrality is really about, getting rid of the little sites and just allowing us only limited choices. That sounds familiar to me. Notice the suffix on the end of fami? Liar, that's my representation of big business represents. Along with Politics=Liars and Marketing= Liars, we also have large corporations=Liars. so, if you want to read me, come to my fb page, Joseph Jeffrey Clyde and friend me and see what I have been up to, until then, happy, happy happy!

Not much writing going on here

2010-07-31T08:30:00.000-07:00

I am thinking I need to come back here and produce something, yet, I am producing plenty in other places mostly not here, but other places working on projects. I had a clarivoyant reading last Sunday that seemed to tie all of it together, helped me to achieve a new level of grounding and feel like the path I am following is the right one.

I suspect that I can write about the person who contacted me from my past in the end of Feb. in what seemed like a sudden rush of energy. Our combined energy was more than we felt was just us, meaning that there was some spirit involved. I know how I felt and still feel. It has been my quest for many years to turn from what I think I feel to how I actually feel. Kind of thinking with my heart as I call it. Our first contact was like an explosion of energy, very powerful. It certainly seemed to come from love. Defining the love though was tough since I only had my past experiences to rely on. And red flags, none were acknowledged, although plenty of them were flying within my sight! With that said, of course it was no wonder that I thought I was in love. She expressed similar feelings and so we ran with all the feelings surrounding that expression. It was as I said, explosive and at some point she told me she felt weird. That was after I went to her town and stayed with her a week. That was not without problems, my health. BPH, and my not treating it and going to the emergency room for treatment, once while in her town and once while out on the road returning home. Painful and scary!

When I got home we continued our verbal and email pursuit of our love, but shortly after she told me the weird feeling, she revealed something else and that changed the course of what I thought might be true love. While distances apart she told me we couldn't be sexual anymore meaning all of our bantering about touching etc. was going to stop. I adjusted my thinking to a different course using a compass and it's 360 degrees as an analogy of where we could take our energy levels and how to apply them on a friendship level. I am not sure how she felt about that, though she did tell me that most people who are involved and someone says that they can't be sexual any more ends the relationship, it occurred to me at some point that maybe that is what she intended. I never really got around to digging into or exploring all of that. I told myself that I was going to do it all differently and since she was the one who was leading on this, I had to make some difficult choices. I was not over the energy of this at all. (I am not over the energy that I feel was given to me as a gift from the moment she contacted me either, although I have adjusted to it.

My belief is that the energy is something we are all given long before we actually know or can define it and at some point in our short lives it gets a fine tuning and our awareness is adjusted so that we can better use it along our journey. ) So, I suppose that the clincher for her came when she became involved with another lover. I sensed something about a week before she told me which was on a thursday or friday. This was a blow to me and I expressed what I felt as to her taking another lover before we could review what we had gone through. She told me we made no promises about this, which seemed a cold reality, harsh and blunt. On the following monday she called me and her voice was very horse. My feeling is it must have been a mistake, that she had intended to call her current lover, but somehow she got me. She also got a response from me that was rather rude but it was not intended to be, but turned into the clincher for her to completely disconnect from me, to inform me about a week later that she was now fearful of me and that I should seek professional counseling. Wow, and of course back to 12 step programs regularly. She was prescribing what she felt I needed to get back on track.

For weeks I processed my feelings, writing and sending her emails hoping that we could find some common ground, but to no avail. Even at our geographical distance she did not want to engage. It is understandable, another new relationship that she wanted to forget about the bad feelings I had dredged up and focus on the good feelings with her new endeavor. I did have that one slip of the tongue and apologized for it on at least 2 occasions to her and she accepted. I am now weeks away from communicating with her, having had my reading which let me realign my feelings to a base of strength, back into my heart of hearts and there are alive and well. I told myself I would stay away from trying to figure it out, from any negativity since that would just drag against my heart and not do anyone any good. I also know that she has been hurt more than many human beings in the past and it is not my intention to contribute to that. She is very dear. My feeling is that if I stay on my path all will be within my grasp to handle with the grace given to me by spirits or the creator of us all or perhaps our combined positiveness that is where we are. Yes, I had to write this here, because I have written many words about my feelings and of course this is long winded. I have my own other journals etc. but I'm sure that it is all part of a process of healing and growing.

Where am I, how did I get there?

2010-04-25T08:58:00.000-07:00

Actually, I know I am at Blogger. I don't come often anymore. My energies are divided by more pressing matters and writing about my daily life while I am trying to live it is more than I can handle at this time.

I did attend a social function last night in Portland I want to share a little about.It was put on by the anti-racist action network. I can't link, to digitally challenged for that now.
My friends went outside to wait for another person and while I was at the information table a guy came up to me and said I had to leave. No I don't and he yes I did. I said, no very passively, but I was getting a feeling that his energy was very aggressive. I told him he was mistaking me for someone else and sure enough his associate came and said, not him, that guy pointing a finger at another aging gentleman who was sitting nearby. Apparently, that other aging gentleman had brought some Neo-Nazi's to Portland last year to speak to people at a public event. This is quite likely why the anti racist people were meeting last night. This is an important issue and can be found out about what you can do to report activity by Neo Nazi groups. Just go to the Anti-Racism Action Netork and find out more info. I am into info and the local press doesn't do justice to the news because of whatever reasons they are driven by, perhaps the almighty $$$$

Your Yearly Test

2010-04-11T10:07:00.000-07:00

Your yearly
dementia test

It's that time of year to take our annual senior citizen test.
Exercise of the brain is as important as exercise of the muscles.
As we grow older, it's important to keep mentally
alert.. If you don't use it, you lose it!

Take the
test presented here to determine if you're losing it or
not. The spaces below are so you don't see the answers
until you've made your answer.
OK,
relax, clear your mind and begin.

1. What do you put in a
toaster?

Answer:
"bread." If you said "toast," give up now and do
something else. Try not to hurt yourself. If you said
bread, go to Question 2

2. Say "silk"
five times. Now spell "silk." What do cows
drink?

Answer:
Cows drink water. If you said "milk," don't attempt the
next question. Your brain is over-stressed and may even
overheat. Content yourself with reading more appropriate
literature such as Auto World. However, if you said
"water", proceed to question 3..

3. If a red
house is made from red bricks and a blue house is made
from blue bricks and a pink house is made from pink
bricks and a black house is made from black bricks, what
is a green house made from?

Answer:
Greenhouses are made from glass. If you said "green
bricks," why the hell are you still reading these?? If
you said "glass," go on to Question
4.

4. It's
twenty years ago, and a plane crashes from 20,000 feet
over Germany (If you will recall, Germany at the time
was politically divided into East and West Germany .)
Where would you bury the survivors? East Germany, West
Germany, or "no man's land"?

Answer: You
don't bury survivors, dipstick. If you said ANYTHING
else, you're a dunce and you must stop. If you said,
"You don't bury survivors", proceed to the next
question.

5. Without
using a calculator - You are driving a bus from London
to Milford Haven in Wales . In London , 17 people
get on, in Milford , 16 get off. Name the
driver..

Answer: Oh,
for crying out loud! Don't you remember your own name?
It was YOU!!

Now pass this
along to all your friends and pray they do better than
you..

PS: 95% of
people fail most of the
questions.

It has been longer than I intended, but that's life

2010-03-30T18:59:00.000-07:00

Lot's has happened since I posted last. I went on a road trip, took my cat Jerky and she liked it. she road up front in the passenger seat occasionally getting up to put her front paws on the window sill to look at the passing scenery. I let her out at the destination in Sacramento CA where we intentionally ended up to visit with a woman that I once knew and am getting to know very well again. We were there for a week. I had couple of medical emergencies concerning my prostate gland blocking the urine from exiting my bladder and the result is me following that up with a visit to the doctor. Urinary doctors. It was difficult to get an appointment,not having a primary care physician. I am hoping I can get the follow up care and medication to keep my prostate from shutting off my urine again, since I am wearing a catheter. It is somewhat uncomfortable and the second I had installed on my trip kind of putting a big dent in the good things that happened, the reason for the whole trip. To many people have access to this blog now and I have to keep most of my business to myself. I of course, linked it to my face book page and I am diverting my writing energies to nothing on line.

There is something I want to comment on today about my driving job. I take a different route home to get to NW 24 AVE. from NW Lovejoy down NW 25 to NW Northrup and left on NW 24th because the turn at NW 24th from Lovejoy is tight and there is to much traffic. When I come down Northrup there is a fire hydrant on the opposite corner that I turn into making a left and that allows me space the turn. Today there was a truck parked there making my turn uncomfortable along with a guy talking on a cell phone wanting to take my right of way, I have no stop sign and he has one. He was on my right. Then a car shows up on the left stopping in the cross walk that is not painted on the ground effectively taking my right of way. So both of these vehicles took my right of way and forced me to give it to them. It happens all the time in the bus, people just think that because we are a bus, they don't want to be behind us for any reason. It is frustrating and then there was the illegal park. If that wasn't there I would have just made the turn, but instead let all them first, but not without honking my horn to express my displeasure. I am working on an article I want to publish in the local press tell about my job from my stand point because there are so many times that people take advantage of school bus operators not realizingt whom we are often carrying!

Great place to eat food!

2010-02-06T12:38:00.000-08:00

I got up early this Sat. morning for a field trip. I like to sleep in until about 0600 on Saturday mornings, but it was 0430 again. Drove to NE and picked up my bus, drover Lincoln HS, then to Cleveland HS, then to Clackamas HS and dropped off the very sleepy wrestlers for a regional bout with 14 other High School. I'm waiting for a call to return to Clackamas. The scheduled pickup time was 2030 this evening, but they said more 1400. They are supposed to call me an hour before so I can stop what I am doing, head to the bus yard, get bus and head to Sunnyside Rd down 205. Oh boy, short weekend.

It's not raining and I am just doing things around the cave, the one I moved into the first of the year, that is below ground level. I got my air purifier from FEDEX. Said signature required on the instructions and since I didn't see it anywhere checked on it's delivery. Delivered it said. After checking with a couple of neighbors I happened to notice it over by the garbage cans in plain sight. Oh, boy FedEx!

It is on and good for 500 sq. ft and it is working. It has a timer and several cleaning mechanisms. It has a pre filter which is just crappy foam, a charcoal filter, a reusable Hepa filter, a photo catalyst filter and a UV light to kill anything else. I've had it on now about an hour and the air is so different. I had been loaned a small 85 sq ft unit from friends and it worked reasonably well, but it is over worked. The one I purchased is really good and I had to squeeze Ben out of my bank account to get. Well worth it.

On a final note that is actually what I started to write about is The Little Red Bike Cafe that my sister and I ate at on Monday the 1st of Feb. I have been back I think twice. I am incredibly impressed by the quality of the food. It is probably the most delightful out dining I can recollect ever experiencing.I guess I better back that up with something. I don't dine out much because I can't read the labels and most of the food that is good or excellent I can't afford, to pricey. The menu at the LRBC is pretty well fixed with posted specials on the board. The breakfast sandwich I had this morning zoobomb was a combo of some kind of Italian bread I am to lazy to look up and can't pronounce with these caramelized onions, egg, an aoli sauce, some white cheese that when cooking or heated the aroma comes drifting out of the kitchen stirring ones imagination to the culinary delights that are coming after it and making my mouth water just writing about them. Just like love, the food at the LRBC is just to precious and delicious to write about, there are not enough words in my vocabulary that are attainable. Well, that's the best. The best for last except of course my spelling is in the tank. Just to distracted thinking about trying to rationalize going then again before the weekend is over.

Well, twice now Blogger is not accepting my html tags

2010-01-24T19:11:00.000-08:00

Has to be my execution. I am so inconsistent, not coming around etc. it doesn't really surprise me that much. I'm living in this basement and it I had a lot of low energy. My friends loaned me an air filtration system with Ionization and it has made a difference. I'm going to purchase a unit that has Ionization, UV, washable HEPA filter, charcoal filter and something else, plus it will filter more air, enough for 500 square feet as opposed to the 100 square foot unit I am using now. I spent the whole day hanging my TV set from my ceiling with chains. Not as low as I had planned on, actually 1 inch higher than when it was sitting on my roll away tool box. I'm considering constructing another shelf with two pieces of 1/2 inch plywood like the first one I constructed for the TV that it is sitting on. Since it is already hanging, I will be able to concentrate on other matters. The 1 inch sheet I glued and screwed together is pretty nice and certainly strong enough to hold the TV. The load is distributed of course by the four suspension points. I built it strong because I don't want the TV to come crashing down for any reason. It is more likely that I will leave it up high as opposed to constructing another strong shelf. I will hang another shelf to hold the stereo receiver and am working on some shelves for the small speakers I have. I am going to put eye bolts in the speaker shelves and strap them down so they don't jump to the floor for some reason. I am planning on staying here for about 3-5 years at which time I will purchase a class B motor home in which I plan on living as long as I am capable of driving. I sure hope I keep my faculties long enough to drive across the country a few times. I'm turning 60 on the 31st and still find it hard to believe I have lived this long. What is it about us baby boomers? Did we think we would stay babies all our lives? It sure has taken me a long time to mature. I am finally realizing I am maturing, but still have a lot of mirth left. One week left and then the new decade. I may look older, but that is just the outside. The inside is a mixture of youth and age. Wow, it is amazing to me still!

My new living situation

2010-01-19T04:58:00.000-08:00

My new landlord is a good guy, easy to talk to, no pretension. This is his first house, he was raised in Hood River up the Columbia River Gorge in North Mid Oregon, 70 miles East of Portland. Hood River is one of the first places I took a road trip to when i first moved here in 2007. I"m living out of the basement, meaning that my main room is the bassement, semi finished, concrete floor that is painted brown, a small set tothe side room. What I find interesting in this basement is the house heating system. In order to install it years before my landlord considered purchasing a house, a couple of someones removed some main supporting members ot the existing main house supporting members, beams and floor joists. Upstairs you can sense this with the creaking of the floor as one walks through the house. The current owner has owned this relic for 4 years. Like he said it is the first one he's owned. It makes me wonder if he consulted anyone who knows anything about construction when he was considering purchasing it. Oh well. I asked him if he was planning on putting insulation and sheet rock on the ceiling down here and he said no, thought that it would severely limit the head room. He painted the basement ceiling black, perhaps to mask the missing supporting members of the main house floor. Covering the ceiling in sheet rock would require any conscientious builder to also add extensive supporting members and blocking nailers to the existing structure. I think the plan is to live here maybe ten years, fix up the yard and the outside, make a pleasant visual experience for the next buyer and now knowing more of what to look for in a house, purchase something that has not been gerry mandered by the previous owner and his pals.

The basement is sound and water tight and I plan on staying here at least 2 or perhaps 3 years hoping that my landlord is planning on staying beyond that. I am putting some effort into making it more comfortable and will post some pictures. I hope that this experience doesn't turn me into a bear in a cave. I am already looking like one. Work is calling!

Never mind, I am rusty on my html and can't post my link

2010-01-17T21:32:00.000-08:00

go to You tube, watch General Larry Platt and our friend Neil Young perform Pants on the Ground. who else other than Neil Young could cover pants on the ground

Moments of and I know this is not what you have come to expect or is it?

2010-01-16T18:41:00.000-08:00

NOt much to say, off the picture frame. I had a whole post that was just wandering and took it to another site, my own personal writings, journal. I have three days off with pay for MLK day as long as I work the Friday before and the Tues. after. And someone said, what do unions do for us? How about the 8 hour day, how about a voice in the work place, how about paid holidays, paid sick days, paid vacations. The unions were the people who forced employers to give us a fair shake. Most people don't belong to a union. Union participation in the US is down to last I checked 13% of the work force. Thats low, but it will get better maybe. Unions. I manned the phone back last week to call people to vote yes on Props 66 and 67 up here in Oregon. These props raise taxes for the more well off including some businesses and the fight against the props is that it is going to sacrifice workers because that is what happens when business is strangled. What happens with business is doing badly, they lay off their workers and move to a country with cheaper labor. Has nothing to do with taxes, it has to do with greed and what is right. Oh, well, got to go. Other fish to fry so to speak!

My normal state of mind is bouncing off of everything

2010-01-16T10:28:00.000-08:00

My thoughts are everywhere, confused as usual but I come out of it too. Currently, I am having a dilemna of feelings of affection towards a woman who is 600 miles away. Let me put it differently, I am projecting my feeling of affection towards a woman 600 mile away whom I can't possibly become involved with because I am here and she is there. We went of a couple of times before I moved away and I feel like we were heading for something. I have always been lost around my feelings. I was listening to the radio yesterday and someone was talking about those who worry about love and if it is the right one and those who fall in love easily. Now I don't know where I fit in. Everytime I try and communicate my feelings about this very illusive topic or with a woman the object? of my affections, I stumble, I'm sure it is about fear of rejection. A friend of. Even though B keeps saving what I am writing apparently not fast enough to keep me from erasing my paragraphs. I just wrote about my goal orientation and being only able to focus on one goal at a time. I have had instances in the past where I was distracted and completely lost track of my goal of the time. I have not been able to change much of this. I have had to adapt and adjust yet not to others standards apparently. I am learning at nearly 60 years old to listen to my own inner voice, yet, I still have this feeling that I can't define so I think it is affection wanting it and wanting to give it. Everybody that knows me knows that I am single. Many that meet me think it is odd that I am not with someone, not married, don't have woman friend, don't have a lot of friends, don't interact with some people because it is my choice. We get set in our ways. I am set in mine, yet almost always aware and attempting to change my own perceptions adapt and adjust. One more thing, different topic. When I get out of the bus my body memory has an impression of the motion of the bus and the then transfers that motion to the ground causing me to feeling like I am still bouncing up and down. It doesnt' happen when I ride the bus or train or when I drive my van, just drivng the bus. See bouncing is the topic, but took me the long way to get there.

Oh boy and girl, I finally found some patience....

2010-01-03T08:48:00.000-08:00

this year can be different. i finally found some patience and am now cruising at jeffrey speed, which is much slower than i have expected from my standpoint for to long. i call it jeffrey speed, because my mind is in constant race and i am attempting to adapt to my feelings and not my expectations or anyone else's expectations. almost 60 years and how many ways can we spell words anyway and still get the meaning? it has been said that if we get the first and last letter right, that even if the in between letters are out of the normal order or correct spelling our brains will still see the correct word. where am i? i know, back to the middle of my thought. i found the patience possibly with this winters break from school bus driving. schools out dec. 18 2009 and restarts jan. 4 2010. i am going to work today to start buses so that we can find the ones that don't start and the drivers won't have that issue to contend with. let's see if i can now load a picture of something since that has been my issue all along lately. this is the house i moved out of that i lived in for 8 months. it must have been a stepping stone for the one i am living in now, which is not as sunny do to the seasonal change. that's not the new house, that is the old house front yard in the snow we had right after christmas. i'll find it with my new found patience. picture with van old house in snow evening. i'll find that new house photo if not now later. i have come through now with my promise of pictures. as you can see the speed of jeffrey gets in the way for no apparent reason. how hard was that to click on the photo icon on my post page? it was hard because i overlook some of the most obvious details with my mind racing. happy new year everybody! you will probably get that salutation from me for at least a month, possibly all year!

The move is done!

2010-01-02T10:55:00.000-08:00

Just in time for the New Year I'm done moving in, now all I have to do is sort through all my junk and down size. I took my remaining CD's to sell the other day and got a measley $15.50 for 90 discs. I was appalled since I was able to get $1-3 a couple of years ago. Wow, should have sold everything then. There is always a reason for circumstances in life and some of them are brought about by our choices! I'm thrilled to be in the new space, my body is getting older, will be 60 in 29 days, my mind is struggling to age, keeps thinking I can move for 3 days and not have to pay the price. I keep saying that I will post pictures but that time has to wait yet again since I am not organized. I am now living in the basement of a house that a younger single father owns. He has his 3 year old daughter part time and is a really nice genuine guy, no hidden agenda's that fooled me the last house mate situation I just moved out of. I'm hoping on 3-5 years in this space. It has the potential and life seems more balanced than the most recent past. I would write about that illusionary situation I was living in, except it is to negative and I have to keep pushing myself out of this chair and forward. I missed it, so Happy New Year to all. I will be getting back here more at least that is my intent. Hold me to it! jjc

Howard Zinn's People's History is being shown on The History Channel

2009-12-19T16:42:00.000-08:00

I posted about this on my Face Book page too! I don't think I will ever get to much of many stories. I like stories by story tellers. I like to tell stories too. Howard Zinn's People's History is a perspective that sorely needs to be heard over and over. I saw Howard Zinn in Berkeley several years ago perform his People's History with some famous and not famous personalities. I was inspired by the stories and disappointed upon hearing them that what I learned in school growing up was so much different, so concocted and shaped by those in power who don't want it known that fight isn't over for our Republic. There is still a class fight going on with health care reform, our military rules, War!, and all that those 1% who control the 90% of this countries wealth! We live in a great country, but what has taken place since the Declaration of Independence including the Constitution of the United States is what the land owners of those times and the affluent of our times have sought to keep to themselves, not to share with the rest of us and than means the other 99% of us who work and toil so that a corporation can make make money for it's shareholders and continue to rob from us!

Have I mentioned that I am moving again?

2009-12-19T15:18:00.000-08:00

I'm in this house that I moved into with house mates, both of whom no longer live here since they both had issues that did not fit with living with other people. One was either a narcissist and the other a prescription drug addict living under the guise of being sober for 21 years, yet apparently his behavior had not matured along with his anniversary from drinking. He was asked to move and I was left here to find two new house mates. I have found that this house if inadequate for myself and others and it why it is so tough to find someone else to live here. Also, the market of renters is mostly much younger than I and none of them wants to live with an old guy. They want to live with people they might have something in common with. I imagine to much of my time and think that were I 25, I wouldn't want to entertain living with a 60 year old anyone. To much difference.

So I have been looking for place to rent, shares and think I have found a place and person that will work in North Portland. I turned in my application with a $45 non refundable fee and got the results today in the form of a call from the man with which I intend to rent from. It is a rough space, a basement with a room. It is all sealed off and I get to use the basements additional space too. The sleeping room is larger than the one in this house. The only draw back is that it is a basement, not a room with a view. I might be able to position my computer in such a way that I can gave up out the small windows. The rent is $360 a month with a $50 security deposit. Wow, I'm thrilled. I'm feeling the spirits of giving, peace, serenity and love all embracing me. I have been blessed again on my journey for freedom and independence! I have about two weeks off. That started last night after I left the bus yard about 8 pm. I am feeling really good. Hope everyone has Great Experiences this Holiday Season.

I got some good info from my union shop steward and she tells it like it is

2009-12-17T19:48:00.000-08:00

One she told me I have to keep my mouth shut so I don't get fired. She's right about that. The company is trying to weed out anyone who might pose a threat to their ability to divide and conquer the drivers and other employees. She also told me the information I compiled citing NFPA (National Fire Protection Association) about safety issues in our yard was so well put together it scared my executive committee member and pushed her away from me. That was my second attempt to get my union, my representatives to file an OSHA complaint against the company. They have yet to do so.

Then tonight I went to the union meeting for the second month in a row. Last month I attempted to submit a motion to look into the safety issues at the company yard, but was told that agenda was being suspended to pass out gift cards to members in a drawing. That kind of pissed me off. So this week, I attend with a written motion because business is conducted with motions. I introduced it under new business and she acted like I had no leg to stand on. I had the motion written up and I had highlighted pages showing what I was bringing in the motion. She said they look into it. Of course, the administrator who was running the meeting told me we couldn't vote on it and I asked if they didn't operate under Roberts Rules and she yes, yet Yet she didn't read the motion nor ask for a second or discussion. I don't get it and the steward that I have had issues with told me to shut up using the F word and told him that was abusive I wasn't talking to him. He has a chip on his shoulder concerning me or he fears me because he doesn't understand me. He is almost totally involved in a recovery program and is one fo those folks who can't seem to accept the fact that I am no longer involved. It isolates me from people who can't think beyond the limitations imposed by the box or are thinking linearly. Then I moved my seat and he pulled that your getting to close crap. We were in a cafeteria opposite sides of the table. He's had his chances, I'm done with him, trouble is I still might need as a shop steward.

We had a field trip to a couple of malls for the choir of a middle school and...

2009-12-13T09:39:00.000-08:00

there were two buses on this pick up drive and return. I was in bus #2 and my pal from the same HTS route was in bus #1. We discussed this trip the day before and neither of us had been to the destination stores and we determined that we would ask the adults on board our buses the best place to drop them off. He had no problem with his adults, they were quite happy to direct him for the safest drop off orientation. I had two adults on my bus and the daughter of the music director who was not on either bus, but in her van since she was apparently incapacitated. One of the adults was sitting in the back and the other about 3 seats back from my position. We were going to Nordstroms in the Lloyd Center and when we were close at Halsey and 7th I asked her where Norstroms is and got a response I did not expect. She told me on previous trips that the drivers talked on the radio and why wasn't I doing that? I told her it was not allowed and she must have doubted my word right there. We weres at a stop sign and she barked out in a loud terse voice "Turn Right Here!" And when I didn't act immediately on her command she once again blasted me with the command "Turn Right Here!" I was startled that this adult whom I had already given cell phone # to in case we could not stay parked at the drop was using an agitated almost hysterical voice command with me who had just only asked for help. She explained that she had been coming to this event for 8 years and she expressed surprise that I didn't know where Nordstroms is. Well, I got my bearings after looking at my map page that I had planned on and made the turn and already figured out we were turning left on Multnomah and again left on 9th Ave. But of course, she couldn't let it rest and again barked to me "Turn left at the Signal!" I responded with I've got it, I see the other bus etc. and she apparently interpreted that as my being curt with her. When we got to the drop point I said very calmly that I thought maybe I would not be able to stay parked there and she told me most authoritatively that I most certainly not be able to. As it turned out I was able to park there leaving my hazard lights on. I then went across the street to chat with the other driver and was telling him of my unruly passenger when my phone rang. It was the book agent for our trip and she asked me what had happened on my bus that a woman had called to complain about my curt attitude and apparently the woman went on and on about what a horrible bus driver I am and that I was lost and didn't know my way around. The booking agent told me to extend the utmost courtesy to this woman because she could be a school board member as though I hadn't already extended the utmost courtesy. It is always such a thrill to hear from a boss when on a trip and is not even half way completed and being told that I am not acting professionally, that they are this woman's word over mine knowing that the complaints to praises ratio at our yard is 314/12. I got a call about 5 minutes from the time the passengers were going to come out as I expected since I'd extended my self above the expected before leaving the school and it was not the woman, but the music director and I was myself, just as I had been with the woman who was offended that I didn't know where the entrance to Nordstroms is. We loaded up and it was if nothing had happened, yet the woman had what seemed like a smug little smile on her face as though she had really been right and she showed me. I am now being very careful and treading carefully with her. When we got to the other destination Jantzen Beach I asked if anyone knew where Burlington Coat Factory was and she said turn left here for the main mall. I did that, saw the #1 bus and all was well, except we couldn't unload the passengers without a phone call from the music director to her daughter. After that they onloaded and bus #1 and I parked in the open part of the parking lot away from the busy sections. I once again went to his bus and when I got there he said ""I overheard a couple of my adults saying "I'm glad we have the good bus driver!"" Well, I told him I guess that adult on my bus had a headache and he suggested maybe she was just pissed off at me because of her husband and her relationship. When it was time to leave the daughter of the music director told me we couldn't leave without a call from her mom. The other bus began pulling away and I said because the other bus was leaving, but she hadn't got a call. I know at that point they were playing a game with me that only they knew the rules of because then they both said at the same time, "oh we just got the wave to go." No phone call and the music director was no where to be seen, she had left first. Bus #1 took a right turn and I followed him and the woman said, where are you going, the exit is straight ahead where that long line of cars is?" I said I was following the other bus, the path of least resistance, like water. I don't know what she thought of that. It turns out on of the adult chaperones on bus #1 is an off duty sheriff deputy and he knows a better way out. It was true, there were hardly any cars and there is an entrance to I 5 South right off the parking lot, no traffic lights. I think even the woman with the headache was surprised into not admitting that she didn't know about that entrance to the highway. Traffic was tough and another driver on the radio commented it was a parking lot right where we were going to be driving through. We managed and we got to our home to school pick up point on time after dropping these folks off. People are unpredictable and obviously bus drivers and others who transport other people are looked down upon by some of the population. Sometimes these down lookers get on our transportation systems and sometimes they are rude and talk down to us like we are their servants and know nothing of our jobs. That is not to say everyone is like that, it is few and far between usually, except I was a little sensitive since I had had a written complaint about a month ago from a teacher that was accompanying her students on another trip. These are the only complaints I've been notified about, so I feel pretty good about my manner and capabilities.

Have you ever thought you saw, but when you checked nothing

2009-12-08T20:58:00.000-08:00

I was sitting at my computer this evening and I will swear on a document that I saw someone pass by my bedroom door that was open 1/4 of the way. That feeling came over me, the one when I feel as though I am not quite sitting here in 2009. Then that someone passed by the door again, this time in the opposite direction. This time I got up to look and of course there was no one. The person was wearing a pastel yellow top, that's what caught my eye. No, there is no one in this house other than my cat and I. It is or was likely not a solid human being. I have had similar experiences in the past and one time I got scratched by a cat that wasn't there too. I still have the scars on my hand. I was sitting by a fire in a house I lived with others. Someone was playing the guitar and there was a door that I was near and suddenly my hand was bleeding, two lines and I glimpsed a cat who wasn't solid. It made no noise and it disappeared when I looked straight at it. When I exclaimed I just got scratched they asked me if was our cat and said no, it was a ghost cat, a cat that wasn't there. Same feeling that I had with the person in yellow. I'm wondering if it is not the area or the situation if it is me, if I am haunted?

This is about the season of caring and giving and living to tell about it.

2009-12-07T09:26:00.002-08:00

I had a somewhat spiritual experience. To better convey a way to describe the experience I will allow that it was as if an angel or the spirits of the season stepped into my body and took over my actions and cleansed my spirit, my brain and my body. It is not like in the past where my mom or others have told me to keep this to myself. This is a connection I have been given, an awareness I have been listening for. It is huge gift to me so that I can pass if forward. It is not something that I should keep quiet about. More people need to hear that much is possible that we are all connected, that great works can be accomplished with small actions by many. It is hard to describe except to tell you the results of this experience. I have a new mantra, "for the greater good". My brain has been cleansed of prejudice and malice. I feel no ill will towards anyone. I am not thinking of others as "oh they should this or that or coulda'a, would'a, should'a. I've even lost the thought or the prejudice when people take actions that are not well thought out. I include myself in the description of noot having malice towards anyone. The remnants of self loathing seem to have been lifted. When walking from the van where we parked down the street to the market the homeless people were hanging out at the corner of the sidewalk and the entrance to the market parking area. It was cold and a woman was bundled up shivering. This is when I feel the angel enter my spirit. Usually, when coming from the market we give anyone asking or looking as though they are going to ask some money. Today was different. Just then after the angel had touched me I exclaimed to my friend that I was going into the store, right to the deli section and getting two containers of soup. Now, I am not someone who has extra funds, but that thought didn't even occur to me. I went straight to the deli section, asked the person there what were the two soups and choose the chicken/spinach as the right choice to purchase and take to these people outside. I told him what I was doing and told me that made him feel good and he pointed out the bread and crackers and told me where I could pay and get utensils. I had the money, which is some what of a miracle to me, because I've not had money often in the past several years. I have a new sense of value for my meager purchasing power. I immediately took the soup to the woman and asked her if she didn't have a friend and she said he was in the store. She thanked me and opened the soup right away and started spooning it into her mouth. I walked away feeling that my heart was enriched, that I am finally connected in a solid way to the rest of humanity. I feel more hope and faith that everything happens for a reason. I don't know if the spirits are gone or if they remain. I have a new mantra "for the greater good" and much of who believe I am and what my purpose in life is, is being fulfilled. I have more balanced understanding of my place in the universe. I need to keep moving forward. I am sharing this in the hope that others pass some of what they have along to others whomever they meet, without prejudice. It's 10:00 on Monday and have to finish my dishes, get off the computer and drink another cup of coffee and practice my mantra because by doing so I further my connection to that purpose I have been listening for.

Yesterday while going grocery shopping

2009-12-07T09:26:00.001-08:00

to many chiefs

2009-12-06T20:33:00.001-08:00

You know how it goes, I'm going out on assignment and another boss comes up and says" do me a favor and fuel the buses you all use when you get back tonight, will you?" Of course I said. He called me this afternoon when I was out shopping for groceries and asked me if I fueled the buses last night and my time. I said yeah, you asked and I said yes, didn't you look at the fuel sheet? We write all the milage and gallons down on a spread sheet. Then he went on to talk about the old steam engine that the City of Portland owns and they are running it for the holiday season. I told him what time I worked fueling buses but he didn't listen. We hung up the phone rang and I told my shopping friend, it's him calling to get the time I worked. I told him 12:15 to 1:46 and he said 12:15 this morning? And I said yes. He said he didn't think the zoo was open that long and I said Forestry Center Event! He tried to apologize by saying he no idea that it was going to be so late.

I keep forgetting I'm not 25 any more. I still work like I am. Maybe I'm reliving my younger years because the first time I screwed them up pretty badly. Of course, not all of the screwing up was my fault, only 50%. got to go.

Shopping with my friend and former neighbor today

2009-12-06T16:47:00.001-08:00

We first went to the People's Co-op for the usual bulk items etc. and for me to remedy the error I contributed to on the first. I bought some coffee and used a recycled bag that had several code numbers penned onto it. I put a line through several and wrote the right code. As I was checking out I had an item that was $13.77 and although it sent up a flag, I said nothing, but did ask for a receipt. They ask if you want one, otherwise the paper is saved. I discovered my error a couple of days later. Apparently, I missed the coding on the other side of the bag for Sassafras which is $25.99 an ounce. Wow! I got it straightened out today, a whopping $9.00 credit which made my bill today $7.50. I love the People's Co-op. Here is their link! http://www.peoples.coop/

It is one of my most valued places to visit in Portland. There is more spirit in a store of this nature. Everyone that shops or works their contributes in their own way, adding to the flourishing existence of that popular store.

I was considering my swollen lower extremities and

2009-12-06T13:05:00.000-08:00

the thought occurred to me I wonder is heart damage is reversible? I went to ask. com and heart attacks are not reversible and below that I found this:

Damaged heart
Shop for Damaged heart, Compare Prices Find more Damaged heart you'll love.
www.Kaboodle.com

I think it is odd to suggest that someone is shopping for a damaged heart. I guess that there are so many bots out there without hearts that it is impossible for them to imagine that we are not interested in a damaged heart to purchase! Of course, maybe that is just my damaged brain and the way I look at the world?

I worked long hours yesterday...

2009-12-06T09:37:00.000-08:00

It is predicted to be a cold week up until Thursday and no precipitation. There seems to be a clamor, an anticipation that snow is imminent. Some dread it, others accept it and some relish in the idea of the cold whiteness that our landscape becomes. The Zoo Lights would be fantastic to view twinkling through snow and I will have to consider taking the Max. to the zoo if the snow stays around for me to take some ducats and wrap myself up and venture into the throngs of parents accompanying their children into the world of fantasy.

I signed in at the dispatch office at 3:45 pm on the 5th of Dec.and signed off at 1:46 am on the 6th of Dec. When I got to dispatch my fueling boss asked me if I could do him a favor and fuel the buses the other 4 drivers and I were taking to the Portland Zoo Lights shuttle service after we were done. I didn't really think about my sign off time and said yes. I don't think he had a clue to my sign off time. We got to the zoo and were activated, (just add water, kidding of course) and drove pretty steadily from that point until 10:15 pm. We carried over 1200 passengers from the parking lot a 1/2 mile away to the zoo and back on that cold Saturday night. Of course, we were in our warm buses. Some of the passengers were irritated that the coordination of the shuttle was not as efficient as it could be because there is no dedicated road for the buses and we have to creep through the car traffic that leading to the zoo, which is being turned around near the entrance only to become shuttle riders once they figure it out. People it seems are still attempting to count on luck for getting into the immediate zoo parking area, even though there is overwhelming evidence that their efforts will go unrewarded. And it seems there are a number of people who are unsatisfied with just turning around when directed to do so as though they are unprepared for this action and have to stop the whole line of traffic behind them to ask whatever questions or demand entrance of the security person, sometimes for as long as a minute which can seem like much longer when you are anticipating moving along to your destination smoothly much longer. When the passengers on my bus starting spewing to me how inefficient the shuttle was and how it could be remedied, I suggested they take thier ideas to the Metro, the people who run the zoo. Of course I didn't hear one person say, great idea, I'm going to do that. I don't really know what people are thinking because their actions tell a different story. I don't like to generalize, but there is probably a large percentage of professional drivers who have wondered what people are thinking when driving because of many actions that are executed that defy rational behavior. I usually just exclaim either out loud or quietly to myself, "What are you thinking?" when I encounter daily what some people consider as a normal transportation experience. It can be changed, but the people who make the decisions need to know. The people who make the decisions I suspect know what a cluster F&%K it is when they try to funnel thousands of people into a single two lane road in a short window of time. That's why when they visit the zoo lights, they get a special closed to the public preview and don't have to deal with the masses. I could go on and on and usually do, but for some reason, I've caught myself here. That's enough. I'm going to the metro zoo sight and register my observations to the authorities and see if there is a plan in the works to remedy this situation.

I'm back and Lou is right, monetize is only for people who have many, many readers over a thousand I beleieve.

2009-12-05T11:50:00.001-08:00

Yep, my take on the monetize your blog is you must have a huge following to make it worth while. I imagine there are those people who imagine they have a large following yet when it comes down to it only have a lard following, a few slovenly folks who or never mind.

Today is the day I report to work for the Zoo Shuttle. The Portland Zoo is having their annual Zoo Lights display. Of course, shuttling people to and from the overflow parking areas does not give me an advantage point with which to see all the illuminations. I will be lucky if I have a working FM radio in my bus to allow my mind to stay focused while weaving in and out of the traffic jams that happen when people think they can find parking in the full lot by the zoo, only having to turn around and drive to the overflow lot, line up and snarl traffic so that the shuttle buses even have to wait to pick up and drop off passengers. That is an irony of driving the shuttle bus at to and from the over flow parking at Portland Zoo. There is no shuttle bus only lane which makes it darned inconvienentfor everyone. That should be a consideration. The Zoo needs to purchase land and build a parking lot that has an access road just for the shuttle buses so that they become an effective tool. Of course, I am diametrically opposed to individual motorized transportation, yet have to rely on it myself as the most cost/time effective method of getting from here to there. I wish it weren't so.

I haven't earned any rewards in my credit union account...

2009-12-05T11:39:00.000-08:00

because I haven't earned enough credits. I have 2093 points from using my debit card. I don't much adhere to the principle of earning points towards gifts or cash because I am not much of a consumer. the old saying of if you earn more you will spend more applies to me. I earn less and spend less. It looks like the average minimum points are around 5000 to receive a gift and cash, you got to have 10000 or 20000 points. That will never happen to me. I had to investigate though because a pop up kept annoying me when I log on to my credit union website. Oh, and I have decided to investigate the google offer of ads after looking into Gordon Gekko's Manual of Morals as suggested by a friend. Oh boy!

Of course I want to earn more money, but can I do it in good conscience?

2009-12-03T11:39:00.000-08:00

Google is offering to support me to some extent with ads in my blog. Since I know how much I detest ads invading my areas of information, I want to come here and ask whomever is reading my blog what you think about me signing up for this advertising? I will have to carefully consider this opportunity or insult. I know that I have not been here consistently because I get distracted, however I think I've made a decision to write here regularly, much of it having to do with how I conduct my life. You see, I have to define what it is and what I want to do with it and actually print it out here or in a document to fully appreciate what I am thinking about. I don't have the complete capacity to weigh in on ideas in my head. My conceptualization is corrupted, doesn't work like people who can conceptualize well. So that's it. How do you, whomever is reading my writing feel about ads on the side bar and between my posts as Goolge is suggesting

Just to many issues to list and the frustration pile is growing!

2009-12-03T10:00:00.000-08:00

I carry a tape recorder now to put down memo's of thoughts that occur to me while I am out and about and likely unable to recollect in the near future. I mean, they might pop into my head in two weeks and that will just add to my already up to the eyebrows level of frustration. I'm listening to the tape play and what I have is my school bus route 144 for Portland Public Schools through the contractor I work for. It is Monday, the 30th of November and I am driving up NW Thompson about a 1/2 mile East of NW Skyline Blvd. outside of Portland and the bus is going slow because it is old 181,000 odd miles on it and packed to the gills with Lincoln High School students, all 46 of them. I see a line of vehicles forming behind the bus in my mirror and notice a car at the top of the hill heading down in our direction. Suddenly the vehicle behind us, a Toyota Camry darts out and starts passing us over the double line. That is not necessarily the bad part. The bad part is they are passing a school bus loaded with adolescents in this case and I have to ask myself since I can't ask them, What are you thinking? They made it and cut in front of us before the opposing traffic collided with them. But for what? Was it worth it to put about 50 people in jeopardy because you didn't want to drive slowly up a hill? I think that people in cars have really lost track of the idea of what is safe and what isn't safe to do while driving. That was the first of a series of blunders by other drivers that afternoon that could have lead to a serious collision. You see, I don't consider a collision an accident. An accident is more like a collision that happens without warning. In this case there is plenty of warning that danger is imminent and if the wrong action is performed then that was a choice and a bad one! Then an SUV decides to pass us, thing is another car is coming down the hill, What are you thinking? I just don't get it. Likely, there is no time savings. Maybe it is because that person is talking on their cell phone or texting and they are not paying attention or don't know it will only take 30 more seconds to ascend the hill. I know that for some reason many of us have been told that we can save time if we do more things at once by purchasing products that help us save time. So, it appears some people are still drinking the Kool-Aide, the ideas that "marketing" people use to sell products or ideas. Some of those "marketing" people are not being honest. To me, "Marketing" is really just lying. When is the lying going to stop? When are the double standards going to end? What is considered enough people to speak up against something for the rest of the people to pay attention and stop the nonsense? That about covers it. Now I am going to write up an outline for what I want to being to our company manager as to my safety concerns that I didn't even touch on here.

Hoping for a new house mate

2009-11-27T20:39:00.000-08:00

I interviewed a woman this evening who said she was coming at 6 pm and showed up. She also took an application and I gave her the address for the land lady. She and I got along better than the last half dozen people who have been by or called here. She has a dog. I love dogs. She seems like she is going to ask to move in. That's the feeling I got. She is 32, but to me she doesn't look a year over 25. Of course, I don't have to worry about other peoples ages since I am not selling them liquor any more.

I went out today, late, purchased a new futon twin size for my futon frame. I've been using two 3 inch foam pads and they suck. I'm sure that some of my aches and pains are because of the foam pads being only really good for occasional duty. I will be able to fold the bed up into it's other intended purpose now, a chair to sit back and lounge in. Yea! Along with that, new rotor and distributor cap for the tune up I plan on giving the old van Sat. afternoon and Sunday morning. And I purchased a fine used chair with a woven black fabric and chrome metal legs with little plastic scuff buttons on the bottom. I have been using a light duty folding chair I purchased at least 2 years ago. I plan on selling the foam on Craig's List and the chairs too at a considerable discount from new. They are all in great shape, just not made for the continuous duty I have demanded of them. The chairs cost $20 each new and I till take $8 each or 2 for $15 and the foam pads were $18 each and I am going to ask $20 for both or $10 each. No discounts with those unless of course a person offers to take both. Who knows, maybe I will just have to give them away, but not without first trying to sell them. Money is tight and I believe if someone pays at least a little they will find more value than if they get it for free.

I too wish that the present Obama in the White House was the same one I voted for last year! It just drives me further from the politics and the fact that those people are so out of touch with the society I live in....

the more I find out the less I know

2009-11-27T11:31:00.000-08:00

Wow! I put an ad on craig's list describing what I am looking for in a living situation, thinking I might have to leave this place and got a response from someone who asked if we might be compatible and look for a place together. I wrote back with my phone number included in the text and the person called back. She was pretty high energy and almost sounded as if she hadn't really had a conversation with anyone for some time. She talked about what she was looking for, what she did for a living etc. Then she got off on a tangent and was telling me to much information. I said Whoa, to much information, let's get together tomorrow and talk some more. I told her I would call. I spaced it out and just got off the phone with her. She told me that she thought that anyone that would tell her to shut up was not compatible to her. Her perception is much different than mine, but I was still willing to meet in person. She hung up the phone on me, wow! She was so abrupt and rude that it left me spinning and I had to write about it somewhere and thought this would be a good place because I may get some sympathy and understanding and some kind words to balance out that reponse. I'm glad that came out right away, that we incompatible. It would have been a horror/drama story if she had chosen to put up a false front to get in the front door.

On anther note, Thanks Giving Feast and Friendship was awesome. I went to my former neighbors apartment and we had a huge feast. We also watched the movie directed by Peter Jackson called Living Dead. It has to be one of the bloodiest movies ever produced, but there was so much slap stick and sublime humor that we weren't grossed out. It was a fun time, laughing and eating and being entertained.

Just sold a too I posted to craigs list

2009-11-21T09:22:00.000-08:00

I'm selling off items at basement prices because I don't use them or I am trying to get better control of my material objects. I sold a 4 ton hydraulic body tool and but before doing so one of the persons contacting me was so pushy I had trouble dealing with him. He called me on the phone like 4 times almost to the point of pestering me and when I said come over at 9 he came over at 0845 and parked in my driveway which is short and like he owned the house that I rent. I could tell he wanted it and I showed him it worked. It was just the way he was, pushy. I am not so pushy, however I am opinionated according to some fellow workers and I am loud according to even I. So, I gave up at 0855 and sold it to him. I am trying not to be such a stubborn person. The guy is buying something and paid better than 1/2 the new price. I'm happy about it, but I just hate to deal with people on that basis and I still must because I have a bunch of music CD's that I am going to post today. Don't need them, music is everywhere and I am really just interested in listening, not collecting!

Busy, high energy knocked down and getting back up to resist again

2009-11-21T06:55:00.000-08:00

The school bus company I work for has recently installed Zonar Systems GMS/GPS system in its buses in this part of Portland, Oregon. They have been installing the systems world wide in all their buses and here is what they told us essentially it would be used for electronic data input to get away from the paper reports we have to make to comply with DOT regulations. However, it goes much further. Here is a quote from a transportation system magazine article.

"(According to Brian McLaughlin, COO for PeopleNet, about half of their new customers are previous users of competing systems while the other half have never used a telematics system before and have a few key reasons for considering one, such as the desire to automate driver logs. “We usually have to pull new customers back,” McLaughlin says. “You can't successfully do everything at once, so we tell customers to begin by focusing on the areas with the greatest ROI first.”

For most fleets, that has meant beginning with the operational basics, for example, by optimizing routes and improving driver performance to reduce fuel usage by managing deadheading, idling, out-of-route miles and fuel-robbing driving habits like speeding and improper shifting. “Just the fuel savings and automating driver logs pays for the system,” says Lemke. “The rest is all gravy.”)" And the way our local manager has of informing us of what we are doing is putting the reports of our speed out on tables in our dispatch area and leaving a note on her white board telling us if we don't start toeing the line we are going get disciplined. Oh boy, not only that, the middle managers of the company seem to have software that scans our drivers daily reports and the time we log onto the bus system and it is paying us the most favorable to the company. That means when we report to work to pick up our paperwork everyday at our assigned time, we don't get paid. I suspect it is a change in policy, except they conveniently forgot to explain the procedure to us. We are getting shorted time. Of course, all this goes along with their standard operating procedure. Someone in the company, an employee has asked the company to repair and bring up to safe standards equipment in the yard and provide rain gear for some of the drivers who fuel buses the response to our question of rain gear was "what did you use last year?" When we replied whatever we brought from home, we were told "use that, it worked last year didn't it?" I told the manager who were having the conversation with that most companies I'd worked for in the past supplied rain gear or any other safety equipment as part of their obligation to keep their employees safe. That response was met with a dirty look. So, that was a meeting with the fuelers and I have been one for over a year. Usually the companies I worked for purchased several rain suits of varying quality and often we had to mix and match, but at least we had protection. It is obvious that this company is taking away or refusing to treat the employees who bring in the revenue as respected human beings instead insisting that safety is their number on priority in public, but what they do at their bus yard is none of anyone's business including their employees. I've been busy. I've made time to take every third Thursday off from fueling and attend union meetings to keep informed and to add whatever I can to question what our elected union representatives are doing to help us remedy our working conditions. And then, someone file a complaint with OSHA. I know this because I know the person. The person exhausted all requests for the company to bring the fueling equipment up to industry standards. It is propane and although it is not as flammable as gasoline or perhaps Jet A or diesel it has several safety related issues for the workers who fuel the buses. The first being training. The training to transfer the propane has been inadequate and the facilities maintenance is non existent and there is no evidence of any regulatory inspections. We have over 200 drivers in our yard and our contract is with Portland Public Schools. And of course, we are driving buses that are old for industry standards and since this company has purchased our contract and buses they have implemented different ways of doing things. They did upgrade the equipment in the shop, but eliminated the overtime. They also instituted a new policy on ordering parts much like our heath care system where an administrator has to approve the parts order according to some budget plan if they deem it excessive, no part is ordered. They did however, bring us a bunch of wrecked buses and leave them in our yard and apparently the manager has instructed perhaps the mechanics to strip these buses of needed parts. Hell of a way to keep the children of the city safe. Plus, these wrecked buses are robbing our operating buses of parking stalls. We don't have enough stalls now and that is an issue. We have lots of issues now with this big multi national corporation that have been sucking up my time.

This has been a very different than usual day

2009-11-11T15:27:00.000-08:00

I did little most of the morning. First of all, I stayed in bed until 0550 and got up shortly after 0600. My normal day during the week starts at 0430. I did little until I called my friend after taking a shower this morning by about 1000 and got dressed. We grocery shopping about 1200 and were done with that by 1300. I had a large mid afternoon lunch dinner at about 1500 hours. I did figure out what and how I was going to approach Blogger and Face Book and deleted some FB "friends". I will likely continue to whittle away at that. One person whom I haven't had any contact with for more than 10 years contacted me for friendship and I wrote back Why? in the subject line of the message I sent and then said something to the affect of "I've become quite anti-social, tell me why we should be friends on FB". The response was short and possibly misunderstood. She said I thought you were somebody else, obviously I was wrong, good luck or sorry or some other thing. I just wanted an explanation as to why a person would want to hook up on FB that I had no contact with for 10+ years. Apparently, asking for an explanation was to much for that person. At least that's the way I see it. Of course, I do see things in a different light, such as the lens of the land fill.

Thanks Goodness, I'm not the only confused person in the world!

2009-11-11T09:07:00.000-08:00

Wow! Someone was really confused when they decided on the heating in this house. I'd never run across this type of heating in all my life's experience's. It is radiating from the ceiling. That's right, radiant heat from the ceiling! The thought occurred to me that someone was confused when they installed it. That someone misunderstood the instructions and instead of putting it in the floor, put it on the ceiling. That is not the case. I talked to a friend, an electrician who told me that this type of heating idea came out in those mixed up days of the 1970's. So, we have radiant heat from the ceiling which goes against the very nature of what heat does. It rises when produced, it goes up! I have now turned on my fan at low power, pointed it at an upward angle, hoping to blow the heat hugging my ceiling down little more and against the wall and down towards the flow. So far the air on the floor is moving, but is still relatively cool. I think ceiling fan would be the best I could do. This heat system is installed in each bedroom and in the kitchen and living room. The living room unit doesn't work. I purchased a space heater for that room and the house mate moving out doesn't have the same understanding of what the function of a space heater is since I came home twice and found it blasting away on full power, highest thermostat setting and he wasn't even in the room! This was the final straw that contributed to my telling his sister I was looking for a place to live. He has little understanding of what the costs of everything are since his sister handles all his finances.

another update.

2009-11-11T08:29:00.000-08:00

Oh, I moved in Portland from my apartment single person dwelling into a house with others further outward towards the East, about 70 block numbers. It is a big change to go from living alone to living with others, especially people who are complete strangers. I wrote plenty about them on my Face book account, a mistake for sure. One of them had a melt down in Aug. and is now no longer even coming by for anything. I think he is perhaps a narcissist. There was nothing one could do that didn't provoke a negative response from him. Bye, Bye! Now the other is the brother of the land lord, but alas he has been asked to move as well. He is disabled and likes being a patient, hence his attention is very limited to sports, all about TV and his various maladies. My feeling was that he was playing the disabled pain card every time a chore was required by him. He has selective chore process. He can't do anything below his knees but sweep and even sweeping causes to much pain. He is unable for instance to do any cleaning in the bathroom it seems, which puts undue responsibility on me. He is not able to perform anything in the kitchen either and he can not do very much outside. He struggles with those tasks all mostly when there is someone around who will notice. He does go out and to places, gets up early 0600 on Sat. and Sun. to attend some 12 step meetings South of Portland which he walks and rides the bus to. He is leaving. Now I am looking for two new house mates. Wow and my rent has remained the same. I am actually looking for another place to live and that is what instigated my land lord to ask her brother to move. I am taking my time to find the right situation, perhaps a house with a large or small separate room, a garage or shop and perhaps a front porch with large shade trees in the yard. This place is small, with large yards, no shade trees, no house mates, and no garage or shop. I have projects and a couple of tool boxes that don't need to live in my bedroom!

I continue to think to seriously

2009-11-11T08:08:00.000-08:00

I was thinking about our life's experiences and how some of them we don't share openly with all because they are not experiences that others have had and we could alienate them when others hear them. I understand that, yet as a fighter against the walls we put around ourselves question the wisdom of not being open. If you can't relate, just say so. I'm not talking about degrading others, just some experiences. Of course, I know I can't reveal somethings. There are many who would condemn me today for actions of the past that I have made amends for, yet some would not be able to accept. Then there is the corp. I work for. I can't trust that they aren't data mining the web, looking for anything to hold against me, that would shine a light against my ability to perform my tasks.

I'm still confused about what I intend to do with this sight!

2009-11-11T07:48:00.000-08:00

However, onward. I need it for blowing off frustration, I'm thinking. I am trying to concentrate on some serious writing on my computer alone, works which I intend to finish and submit to someone for publishing in some form. I need a feeling of completion and accomplishment. On this note, I just need to vent and Face Book is not providing that for me, so I am back to this.

So, today I want to thank all the Veterans who have and are presently serving our country! Thank You All!

Since I drive a school bus and it is a school holiday, I am off. It is rainy outside and sitting at home is one of my options, working on a couple of petitions I am submitting to my union about some contract language and safety issues in our yard.

I allowed for a minute a union rep to be my FB friend and realized that was a mistake, because she revealed something of what she thought of my rambling frustration posts. I deleted her as a FB friend. She has a bigger mouth than me. At least I have an understanding of discretion. So, another friend whom I have never met and I had a conversation this weekend. She reminded me that this website is an important tool. It allows me to post my rambling and I don't have to reveal myself to people I work with, because I am much more socially detached than I have lead them to believe. I am still in touch with the anger of my youth. It is hard to believe that my level of acceptance is not really understood my working peers.

Pretty well done with on line writing

2009-10-07T20:54:00.000-07:00

I've about had enough of on line writing. I guess it was really just a phase with me. I am working on unfinished works elsewhere and hope to gt something published. My friend Erik says I will do anything to be published. He is really just joking. But I am not joking. I have so many pieces I've started and in progress, I struggle to even get them in order. I have a face book account as well and have been finding less and less time to go there.

Still no pictures uploaded. I'm just to unorganized.

2009-06-18T16:58:00.000-07:00

I am really living at a different speed or different speed zone that some others. I just can't seem to align my time with others. I am structured for work, always early and on time but and my own other life. I have a low frustration/patience/tolerance level. For instance, I decided to raise the handle bars on my bicycle. For me that was to much. To much to plan and in my impulsive way just attacked it and discovered it would be to much work. My bike has been down for about a week. I did manage to change the seat, but am now having an issue with my front brake not being lined up right. V-brakes. I should just convert to discs, but money is an issue and I don't got that fast or ride in enough rain to warrant them.

So, why I really came here to write is I am finally aligned with a majority! A majority of Americans believe that the health care issue in The United States of America is the number one issue facing us today. That is 76% of us believe we need to resolve this health care issue. I am elated to finally be in a majority! I have been in one minority or another for the longest of times. Of course, my two room mates are in the minority on this. I'm not sure what they believe in. Room mate A and I met up in the kitchen this afternoon and I said Hi! He said Hi Ho and something else and was aghast that I couldn't remember this as the opening lines for Walt Disney something like the Mousekateers. He started to get agitated, his voice started to increase in volume and I just started laughing because apparently he takes lines and words from TV so seriously, especially just entertainment, fiction etc. He is the one who sits in front of the TV for more than 12 hours a day and talks to the TV, uses obscene language calling the characters on the screen by various names, actually, he inserts himself into the action on the screen and uses some of the exact lines the actors are using, but ad libs and uses X rated adverbs and adjectives. By golly it feels good to be in the majority.

Room mate B, the controller is back to controlled drinking. School is over for 3 months and he has been hitting the beer pretty regularly. I'm thinking that part of his troubles with me while in school are that he was off the sauce and that was a problem for him. Oh, Oh, a bull in a china shop perhaps. We will just have to see. And of course, he is studying to become a nurse, RN, but I wonder if the health care issue is his motivation. He has really not opened up about it. I think there might be more to be revealed about his motivations. He told me the other day that he doesn't do anything that he doesn't want to do. And it's true, he started washing his dishes, but never puts them away. He often leaves his personal items in common areas causing the other room mates to move them or relax around them or what ever. He is more often than not leaving dishes full of liquid in the sink as though that is accpetable practice. The other day, he left dry dishes in the dish drying rack for 2 days. I moved them both days. I refuse to bow down and keep either washing his dishes or putting them away. I just move them to the stove or some other counter space.

I wrote on my peanut butter cap, use your own, because my quart of peanut butter was rapidly dropping faster than I was eating it. I went through a quart in a week, when my minimum time is two maybe more. It is tough living with these 24%er's. One is decidedly a Republican and the one who watches TV nearly all the time is likely a Republican too, even though they watch the Colbert Report and laugh.

Well, back to hanging out the laundry. I am doing my part to keep my carbon foot print down. Oh, not my Republican room mate. He had a fire in the back yard last night while embibing on his cool beverage and did not make sure it was out when he left it. This afternoon it started smoking and I was tempted to pour water on it, but that would set him off no doubt. Likely he was not a boy scout and didn't really learn much about those fire situations down in Southern California when he was growing up.

I Heard an Ad on TV

2009-06-14T09:43:00.000-07:00

That's right, I wasn't facing the TV, hence it was only upon hearing an ad that I had to question what is Wealth. It was an ad for Smith Varney/Morgan Stanley. They said something to the effect that if you put your wealth with them, it will grow and be secure. Of course I had to go to my Bookmarks Bar and click on Dictionary.com my resource for keeping my definitions in order.
this is what Dictionary.com said for Wealth. "

1.	a great quantity or store of money, valuable possessions, property, or other riches: the wealth of a city.

2.	an abundance or profusion of anything; plentiful amount: a wealth of imagery.

Economics.

a.	all things that have a monetary or exchange value.

b.	anything that has utility and is capable of being appropriated or exchanged.

4.	rich or valuable contents or produce: the wealth of the soil.

5.	the state of being rich; prosperity; affluence: persons of wealth and standing.

"

Of course I am watching Meet The Press and maybe this NBC program brings the wealthy to the TV on Sunday mornings. It brings me. So, the wealthy, the people in our society who have an abundance of wealth, more than it takes to live day to day and Smith Varney/Morgan Stanley wants to manage it for them, of course for a small pittance. I'm sure that I could live off their pittance, the fee they charge. You see, I just don't have a clue, don't know anything about financial wealth. Most citizens of the world probably share my lack of understanding on financial security.

On another note, I am traveling to the SF Bay Area for my mother's 90th birthday on July 29th of this year. I will be flying down on the 28th and flying back on the 30th. Doesn't leave much time for anything, but it will be enough for my mom. 90 years old, who would have thought?

That Old Adversary is Back, The One Way Dreaded Perfectionist!

2009-06-08T19:22:00.000-07:00

My father was a perfectionist. Trouble is, he wanted us to do it perfect, but much of what he did in life fell short of that mark. This is somewhat how I am beginning to feel living in this room mate situation. A couple of guys who claim they are not perfect, yet expect a higher standard from me than they adhere to.

I got home this evening and my room mate, who doesn't do anything except complain about how he can't do anything and watches TV all day and night told me when he came into the kitchen this morning the cabinet door was open and could I please remember to close them? I said I would be mindful of that, however I also pointed out that our other room mate could have left it open. He said he hadn't thought of that until I mentioned it. Then he announced that they washed the dishes in the dishwasher at which time I said, they had already been washed but he said they hadn't come clean. That's when I told him I hadn't used any of the dishes in the dishwasher, that I wash all of my dishes by hand within 24 hours of using them, that I don't use paper towels and that I have my own toilet paper.

This after I spent my Sunday morning dusting and sweeping and mopping and cleaning up in the bathroom too. Neither of my room mates did anything this weekend contributing to the house as far as I could see, oh one of them emptied the garbage can in the bathroom, something I don't use either although I have emptied it in the recent past. These two guys are opportunists I am afraid, just waiting for me to do whatever they don't do which is much of everything. The last several weeks I have emptied the kitchen garbage before going to work on Mondays which is the day garbage is picked up, but not this morning and low and behold, it is still not emptied this evening. I am not approaching either of them. All that happens is an argument and I am not into that level of negativity. If they have so little to do, but bitch at me then so be it.

So, I had to tell my room mate the student that I expected to be getting up around 2:00 am and I would be mindful of keeping quite, but if he heard noises, it was me, don't be alarmed. That never happened, as soon as I opened my mouth, he interrupted me and started going off about our previous conversation about the refrigerator and how I should be closing it to not disturb him. Switching to his subject, I told him I got his message that morning, now about my schedule. He interrupted again about his topic and I started shouting because I wasn't being heard. Finally, that not working as it never does, I tried to retreat to my room only to have him outside my door continuing to blather on about the closing of the refrigerator. I opened the door and told him enough, but he kept it up and I slammed the door in his face offering some nasty verbs describing what he could do with his line of thinking, I couldn't afford the time spent on an argument. That didn't work and we spent the next hour calming back down and seemingly becoming good friends. I believe this guy is playing me. He has a higher command of a situation as far as the speaking side of it goes. I am not convinced that we achieved the intended goals of my warning him in a manner that fit two adults. Oh and the other room mate was yelling from his room for us to shut up. At the time, I yelled back that sitting in front of his TV yelling from his room to shut up was ineffectual.

I am up now and found some time to finish this post which I started yesterday. This place sucks and that old adversary the perfectionist, well I will still attempt to find ways around him. A disturbing thought having to go through my childhood again at 59 years old.

Rose Festival Parade!

2009-06-07T07:48:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was the parade and being a school bus driver I had the assignment of driving the Lincoln High School Marching Band to the parade beginning over at the Memorial Coliseum. There were supposed to be 2 buses for this assignment. The price of the trip determined size buses were assigned I suspect. We were driving our standard 71 pack school buses, that being 71 3rd graders. High school students, about 46 fit. Now, we have the band, 2 tuba's, 4 base drums, two sets of snare 4 packs, and about 6 Tom Toms. All that in my bus and some trombones and a couple sax along with the students that played them, plus two wagons with supplies. I had about 30 students on my bus. If the school district could afford it, we would have brought transit style buses with below floor storage, but they are having something like an $18.5 million short fall this coming I think, two years. They are cutting costs where ever they can.

So, on the way to Lincoln bus zone was going to require some creative driving since many streets were blocked to allow the parade to go on without interference from motor vehicles. As I was driving across the Fremont Bridge from N.E. I get a radio call from the other driver. Apparently, he left the yard earlier, even though I was leaving at the scheduled time. He came on the radio as #1 Lincoln Bus to #2 Lincoln Bus. That told me right away who was #1 bus. I guess it was because he was at the school, almost and considered himself #1 bus. I don't normally care, except this driver sounded like a guy who lords over other drivers his seniority. Keeps mentioning how much time he has been employed by the company. He tells me his location and I tell that I am heading there. He tells me that he can't get to the bus zone because the police won't let him. I say OK and set myself up to get to his location which turns out to be reported incorrectly, or he forgot to update me once he got to where he was parked. Doesn't really matter. I made some last minute adjustments to head South on SW 18th and am waiting to turn onto SW Salmon, through the police barricades. About 200 feet from the intersection I hold up my clip board with my trip papers so the police see I belong there and making my turn I tell them it is a pick up and they let me right through, no problem.

I park down at the regular bus pick up/drop off zone. Since Lincoln is my regular route and I have had many trips downtown I found my way there neatly. #1 Lincoln Bus is nowhere to be seen, but I see a familiar driver walking up the street from SW 14th and Salmon. He tells me where he is parked, that he talked to the band leader and the police wouldn't let him drive to where I was parked. Whatever! If they let me and they were parking buses along both sides of Salmon, why wouldn't they let him through I am silently asking myself? He tells me to move my bus around by him and I say, why? The band room is right next to where my bus is parked! he gets kind of well, I'm the #1 bus and therefore we should stick together and since I am the senior driver you need to park where I am. I tell him to wait and I will find the adult band leader and ask him what he wants. That didn't make him very happy that I was getting more information. I spoke to the band leader and he said no, he hadn't had any communication with Driver #1 even though that driver told he had. And I was told it would be better for him if the other bus drove to my location. I relayed that info to driver #1 who continued to insist the police wouldn't let him up the street even as they escorting another bus. Oh well. We finally loaded all that equipment and I got the band leader who had the directions which I relayed to driver #1 who said he would wait and follow our bus, #2 to the destination. Ok, so we get going after I give the instructions to the passengers on my bus saying that we may drive the wrong way on some one way streets and not to do that themselves unless instructed by police or flaggers. We turned South on SW 14th which is one way North and bus #1 got behind us. There were street barricades at the intersection of 14th and Jefferson and a police cruiser manned by a nice sargent on the right who asked me if I wanted him to move. I had quickly assessed the clearances and told him no, we could make through with clearance to spare and turned West on SW Jefferson. We turned right on SW 18th and proceed towards NW Everett. When we stopped at a signal light adjacent to the ball park, I looked in my mirrors and noticed bus #1 stopped on the max tracks! I radioed him and told him not to stop on any more tracks and his response was copy 10-4 just trying not to lose you. I couldn't believe that response, from a driver who had spent much more time in Portland than I, who had told me he read the Oregonian that morning and it had all the street closures listed, but he told me he didn't bring the paper for reference. I again again told him we were going to cross W. Burnside and proceed to NW Everett and turn right. We had to stop again and instead of stopping about a bus length behind me on between where the tracks run, where I had stopped, he drove right up onto the max tracks again! This is one of the reasons I don't like driving with this guy. There are other reasons as well. When we turn onto NW Everett he is following me to closely and I call him on the radio again saying he needs to put more of a cushion between us and again responds 10-4 copy and I don't lose you to a traffic light. You know, us bus drivers often drive in groups of 2, 3, and 4 buses and often many more, but we always remember that we need to drive safely, that safety is our #1 priority and the rules of the road do not just go away because we can't control other drivers or traffic lights etc. This guy is starting to really annoy me, his following to close, his explanations which I follow with route we are following, special for buses delivering parade participants. Good Grief Great Pumpkin, how much reassurance does the #1 driver need? It appears to me, he hasn't done his homework or something about driving downtown. He lost without our guidance. So finally after traveling down Everett, we get to some parade marshals who direct us to drive up to the police barricades at the entrance to the Steel Bridge and wait to be directed through. Pay particular attention to the train signal because it is right above the police officers heads and they can't see it. Onto the Steel Bridge which has little traffic on it, buses and few cars. We get across and just follow the parade marshall's directions when we come to a signal at one of the intersections. As soon as it changes, at the top of the hill there is a motor officer coming down, but is still 1/4 mile away and I have plenty of time to proceed without violating his flashing red and blue lights. As I complete my turn an proceed, I notice in my mirrors, bus #1 cutting off the motor officer, making him stop to complete his left turn. I suppose I should have waited for the motor officer to pass too, however, there was plenty of time for one bus and the other to stop. I didn't contact driver #1 because we had arrived within 200 feet of that intersection. We parked and he parked to close to me and the band adults asked me if I could have him back up so they could unload the instruments and wagons out the back door like we loaded them. Driver #1 had help load these items at Lincoln. What was he thinking? I spotted for him while he backed up and then he insisted on helping them unload. When we were about to leave, I went to the parade marshall and asked about moving a vehicle, had told him we were just dropping and going when we arrived, but apparently he and driver #1 suffer from the same communication challenges. The marshall told me I would have to talk to the police. I just went over to them wearing my bus driver vest and said we needed to leave for another pick up could they assist us and they were more than happy to ask the other vehicle to move and gave me directions on how to get out, that is to disregard the street signs saying no turn here and etc. We left, passing right in front of the Cabalero's and proceeded to make way past the transit center at over to and across MLK over to N.E 7th over there. We drove down, bus #2 still leading and finally made a left and a right on MLK. I told bus #1 that he didn't have to follow me anymore and his response was "Oh, I thought you were taking me on a shorter route. I thought you knew where you were going?" I responded with I do know where I am going and proceeded to lose this guy but he hung on like he had previously driving through downtown. The thing about it was we were going to the next job together that afternoon. I was not looking forward to hearing more misdirections from Lead Driver so and so on my location and when I could expect to eat lunch. That next job was Oregon Zoo shuttle for overflow parking. Last year that was my first experience with this driver and it wasn't pleasant, although there was some humor in it. He talked on the hand held radio so much that the battery got used up. So that's my story of the Rose Parade and I'm sticking to it. We learn something every day and if I work the parade next year I will have some experience to feel good about.

Life and work is there something else?

2009-05-30T07:03:00.000-07:00

I am missing something again. It is OK. A friend wrote on my face book page that it is time to come back to the home area I left and visit old friends. Well, maybe that works in his world which he was doing a lot of a couple of years ago, but I am working. Then when school is out, I will be scrambling around trying to make ends meet. I heard on the radio the other day that air fares are at an all time low. All time? I will check it out because my old mom is coming up on 90th birthday and I would like to see her again and my younger sister. Old friends, I did that last November. Most of my old friends have more disposable cash than I do. They go on vacations for weeks, go to concerts and other activities where they drop hundreds of dollars. I don't have that option, don't live that way and am working on paying off debt, not incurring more. My parents started us on savings accounts at an early age, told us much about saving and let us out in the world. I know that I and my older sister had no ideas what it took to save and we ended up burning through the money we had. When our father died, he had a little, I burned through that, my older sister invested and so did my younger sister. My mother has nothing. I have many old acquaintances who have inherited lots of money from parents and others who have invested wisely etc. I am now paying for my past indiscretions.

I am leaving, going to get moving, got shopping, got my van to work on got my storage to figure out where to put things to get out from under paying to keep items that have little value. I have to mow the lawn and do laundry.

My insane room mate is doing laundry and working at his part time job. He left this morning at 0630. I heard this noise that woke me up, thump, thump, thump and figured out that it was the washer. He started doing laundry at what ever time he wanted, maybe 0600. He was doing laundry when I got home last night from work at past 8 pm. He has not done his dishes and we are running out of room to store his dirty ones. I am not going to play his game and put them anywhere. He seems to have time for everything he needs to do, but when it comes to daily household chores, oh well. Oh well, the insane have their way. We will see how far he takes this.

It is getting more unsafe all the time our there on the road!

2009-05-29T04:52:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I was driving from N. Fremont to I 5 south to connect with 84 E. We took N. Vancouver which becomes Wheeler and an easy entry to I 5 South. Near the intersection of Broadway and Wheeler there were signs telling of road work and the left lane closing. There were two cars ahead of my bus in the left lane and as the lane closed, I made room for them to merge. The lane was closing rapidly and they made their merge. Then in my mirror, there is a white SUV squeezing up next to me, there is little left of the lane and he is getting ready to hit the big orange triangle. I am moving ahead because braking would cause other complications with the rest of the traffic flow. Finally, that SUV brakes, but I can see in my mirror the drive looks angry.

We get onto the ramp, staying in the right and there is a pretty good flow of traffic when suddenly in my left mirror again the white SUV is cutting into traffic, in front of a car and then speeding up and cutting in front of me, hitting his brakes because he is going to fast and then speeding towards the East on I 84. The woman sitting in the front of my bus comments about that driver. We had a little exchange, because I honked my horn at his blatant abuse of the road way and the fact that I am driving my school bus, the yellow one. I have to wonder, what people are thinking when they do stupid driving behaviors like that? Do they think that maybe someones children are on the bus and they could be putting 50 little lives in pearl? Not likely, because the sane drivers tend to yield to the yellow or at least appear to use caution which is what the yellow of the bus is supposed to invoke in their brains. Yellow means caution, red means stop.

It is a continuing struggle for me to accept this bad driving of a few selfish people. I was reading in a national safety publication that aggressive driving can be ticketed, but why don't we hear more about people getting ticketed for this unsafe behavior. Why do we only hear about the results of road rage, the next step up from aggressive driving?

I am finding that I don't like to drive except in my big yellow bus because of the damage that could be inflicted on me in my small van by these same people, and I haven't even got on my motorcycle this year for similar concerns.

Time to go and do it all over again.

I've found the answer on how to deal with my room mates.

2009-05-28T19:47:00.000-07:00

I've decided they are both insane. This will be my defense against their insanity. It has been my problem, thinking that they were similar to me and therefore I treated them with respect. I soon found out though that there was little I could do that was not rewarded with out and out insults by the dominant one and that is just not going to work anymore. A friend, a very good friend, told me to put in my ear buds and just walk around with my ipod turned up, ignoring them. That is essentially what I am now doing, but without the ipod. I have journaled many words trying to figure out my room mate and found that it was driving me insane, that's when I discovered that I need to treat them in my head like they are. the dominant one is really good at triggering a reaction from me, but now that I have figured out that is what he thrives on, ignore is going to be my tactic.

When I got home today, he was civil like nothing had happened. Only an insane person would not apoligize or not say something about what transpired the other morning, except myself who was the target of the attack. I am not saying anything in defense. I need to stay here for about a year. I need to pay debt and work on my van. I can accomplish all of that here saving money and working on my van this summer. Oh, and as for the food thing. What a joke! This guy doesn't talk to anyone in the house, 3 of us, but brings home all this food, mostly perishables and once again dominates the space that we all share. The dining room table, the dryer top, the refrigerator. Then he tells me to help myself and I say no thanks. He says oh that's right you are an organic food guy, are you worried that this could poison you? I didn't respond. When all the food that he brought home spoils, likely he will have to blame his room mates since we didn't help him eat it. All he had to do was say no thank you to the people who gave it to him, but instead he takes it, brings it home and imposes it on us. I'm done. I know who these people are and now I have a defense against them. They had me fooled for a while, but I'm back to knowing what their game is and I'm not playing. I will find the time sometime to post pictures.

I've been here two months now and .....

2009-05-27T20:01:00.000-07:00

Of course, he has had it with me it seems. I have two roommates, the dominate one and the submissive one. The dominate one wants us to say respond to his interactions with us other two in a certain way. He wants us to say, OK, thanks for pointing that out, I will do better next time.

When I moved in the dominate one interviewed me on the phone. For me that was a mistake, I should have also been interviewing him and in person. The submissive one interviewed me in person and they both agreed I could move in. The submissive one is not necessarily a sub, but he sure can't stand up to the Dom. I am slow and each time confronted by the dom, usually repeat myself and that is the end, because he retreats to his room and closes the door, end of conversation.

Did I write about when I first moved in and suggested a monthly meeting to bring out our issues and he the Dom quickly put that to rest by saying he had that situation before with room mates and they just wanted to take control. End of conversation this topic. I started to get quite perturbed today at the thought of him. I had to remember a couple of things I've learned about people. One, they don't have power over me unless I let them have it. He says it is my fault he wakes up in the morning because I am making noises. We had an argument about that and the fact that I left some drops of urine on the toilet bowl. This was at 5 am. The other room mate got up to use the bathroom and walked into it somewhat confused. I don't perform well off the cuff and that's when I repeated myself. I cleaned up the toilet only to be told I shouldn't have, which is crap. He is incredibly controlling. However, not a master manipulator otherwise he would be able to sleep or stay asleep.

He blames me, said the other guy who moved out didn't wake him up when he got up, but left out the part that he was not attending school full time taking nursing at the time. Well, I think maybe that might have some affect on him.

He also is getting a bunch of free food and dominating the refrigerator, doesn't wash his dishes in a timely manner, digs out big chuncks of dandilions from the lawn and leaves bare spots, mows the lawn and doesn't sweep the walkway leaving clumps of cuttings. I do the sweeping out of disgust. He comes home from school earlier than I do from work and by the time I get home, he is in his room and the feeling I get is he is to important to be disturbed.

Well, if he starts another conversation or wants to point something out in the morning, I'm determined to tell him it will have to wait. I am getting ready for work and don't have time to get into one of these little hissy fits with him.

I am a lot calmer about it, used the tools that I learned about praying for my enemies. I don't want to spend my precious free time writing here about this guy. I did mention some of his behaviors to a friend of mine and he said Republican! I know there are some Republicans out there that might be offended, but he is not you nor you him. It was just a simple way to describe him that put some humor into my uncomfortable situation.

I keep promising pictures but am just to unorganized to post them yet.......

2009-05-06T11:24:00.000-07:00

I am so unorganized. Part of that has to do with not done moving if that can be real. I have some items that I have been carting around now for years, still in storage and am looking for places to put them. I just placed an ad at craigs for some items, a Mr. Heater and an electric impact gun with impact sockets. Some fellow offered me $15 cash right now, call me. Of course, he didn't tell me which item he was willing to part with the $15 for and I didn't consider that a serious offer so off to the trash.

I got another inquiry about Mr. Heater asking me if I still have it, to which I replied with my phone Number and the affirmative. That inquiry was sent from an iPhone, so I think, what do I think, I'm amused is how I feel.

I actually plan on a yard sale maybe first week of June, when tis pesky liquid sunshine stops falling out of the sky. I could have one now, but likely more people will come if it is sunny out.

I have created a small memorial in my bus with pictures of my departed dog and actually wrote a small sign that says "In Memory Of Buster" and attached it to the big picture I have had of him in bus for the last year or so. I'm not over putting him down and am getting all kinds of advice on getting another dog etc. I just keep telling those folks that I am sitting with how I feel for now. I am just coming out of a big batch of sadness. I know there are many more feelings associated with the grieving process. Anything I do, needs tempering with time. I process at different speed.

Speaking of that, I am reading a book by Thom Hartman about ADD. He has a lot to say and some of it rings true and I have a lot to say about it to.

I am also taking an on line defensive driving course and must get there now, to make some progress on it, first lunch though.

My fellow tenants, Hello?

2009-05-05T12:44:00.000-07:00

Tenant B the dominator, master manipulator of people I suspect. He and I have the same kind of bread now. He wasn't eating it before, it was another brand, now my bread is in his cupboard and down quite a way and the only one left was his bread which I am now eating. Difference is he pays full price, $4.19 a loaf and it is likely fresher. I don't care, I put mine in the freezer and I get 3 loaves for $5 or $4.50 if it is Wed. or Sunday at the overflow bread store. He now puts his bread in the freezer but wasn't paying attention to what he took out, or was it me? I suspect he likes to share food. He doesn't want to have a house meeting because he doesn't like them; his past experiences are bad he says, someone always tries to take control at the meetings. This fellow worries that I want to take charge, but that is not what I am thinking. I am thinking we can air out our differences. He says I can air my differences to him personally, but when I tried that, he shut me out by walking away and closing his door.

I am learning not to care or feel that I am being trampled here. I am planning on staying here about a year, until I can whittle away at my overage of personal items and then find another room for less in a more stable household.

The other guy is room mate A whose sister owns the house. she installed a projection TV that dominates the living room and is adjacent to the front door when one walks in to the house. It is big, 5 feet across and 2.5 feet deep with about a 65 inch screen that RM A plants himself in front of watching TV progrmas that he has seen about 5 or 6 times, making lewd and abusive comments to the characters on the screen. Sometimes he makes abusive comments to our neighbors like he did to the movers who had parked in front of our house yesterday. He claims that he started out nicely, but that's not what I heard. What I heard was abusive language from the start and it got worse from there. when I went out to go to work, the guy that had been the recipient of the abuse, started in on me.

Later, when I came home from work I mentioned that I took a load from the guy next door and my room mate said that guy was like that to him too! Oh surprise! I think the numbers of meds he takes bends his outlook somewhat. he has been "sober" in AA now for 20 years, but the only requirement for AA is the desire to not drink. They frown on anyone who talks about any other concerns. A lot of AA'ers do nt' ever see the need to deal with other issues, not all, but some. I have run into one of those here.

Oh and Room mate B appears to have a co-dependent relationship with room mate A. I've noticed some instances where they both say things like, "oh, he has a lot on his plate, that is understandable". I told one of them, "hell, everyone has a lot on their plate! WE are not given anything we can't handle" that is a saying around AA. Anyway, I've got to do dishes. It looks like I am back for a while. well see. Pictures coming soon

Have I written about my new living situation yet? No, well let me tell you

2009-05-04T19:58:00.000-07:00

Aside from the fact that Buster got to live here ony about one month, a place with only two steps into the front or back doors, something that I was promised when first moving to Oregon, but lied to by my former landlord.

I need to go back a little since I haven't been writing. I moved out of the place over ner SE 35th and SE Powell in Portland to a place near SE Foster and SE 101st. I moved in with two other room mates and another dog. Buster and she got along real well and Jerky the cat told the other dog just who she is too.

The former land lord's property manager sent me a bill on top of my deposit for an additional $45 and that is with no mention of my $1050.00 deposit. I wrote them a letter back reminding them that the Oregon Tenant Landlord laws state an accounting is due showing how the deposit money was spent. Two weeks later I got my accounting and a check for $860.00 which with simple math says $190.00 missing. They detailed what that was including that $45 they tried to charge me for additionally. They said paid in full. This I felt was satisfactory. What really bothers me though is they are preying on the unsuspecting or possibly others who didn't clean the shit out of the their place by sending a bill of $$'s due. That's lying through omission as far as I can tell, down right deception. And that is to say that the Great American Capitalistic experiment is failing! It is failing because big companies and large corporations are cheating the rest of us, making us pay double. It's crap and a new revolution is called for. Of course, a non violent one, but a revolution indeed! We are going to have to revolt against all that is done in the name of corporate America like repeal the ruling that corporations are people too! That's crap, because it gives them money and similar rights that we as human beings have been fighting for centuries. It is strong language and we need to let them know them know we aren't going to take it any more. I think Obama is pretty good, but he is just another politician. And you know what I think about politicians. let em refresh your memory! Politicians= Liars. Not just some, but all of them. How could they be honest, they promise us anything to get into office, promises they can't possibly keep, which makes them liars!

I had a run in with my union rep on two occasions while she was driving through the yard to park her bus. She went by my position at about 20-25 mph, the yard speed limit being 5mph and most people safely driving 10mph. She swore when I confronted her tice that she was doing no more then ten, then proceeded to side step my statement by telling me other people don't obey the limits. I said, when you hit a bus,. the truth will come out and if you are not going ten, that will come out too. I saw
her today, going ten mph and there was a marked difference. Another driver fueler had a word with her and she listened to him. I follow his lead and drive between 5 and 10 mph while taking buses to the fueling station. I'm glad she is paying attention to her speed now!

So, my living situation is to strange, so strange that I can't write about it now, since I have to go to bed. More later, perhaps tomorrow. "You say you want a revolution, well we all want to change the world".

Buster

2009-05-02T18:10:00.000-07:00

Haven't had the energy to write here, been other places, yet...

2009-05-02T17:36:00.000-07:00

I need to report today that I had to have my sweet dog Buster put down. It stabs me in the heart to think about it, when I second guess my decision. I know it was right at the time, but still it will continue to hurt, his absence. He was a short dog with a big, big heart! He helped me change who I am, had a significant influence on who I am as a person, helped me become a better person, gentler. He was a rescue dog, been rescued from a bad situation and when he and I first met, we both knew we were a match. He was my best friend and I let him be a dog. He only knew happiness when I cared for him. Today, the spark left his eyes. We walked this morning, but he looked at me with pain in his eyes. I probably knew then, but was not going to admit it to myself. I had called the vet earlier in the week, to see if there was something else we could do, if there was something we could find, something to cure. I decided in the vets office then, after talking with the vet and she seemed to think I knew what was best. Best for Buster. I don't know. I can't say what is the best thing. The pain meds weren't working and there was not much else to do. I don't know if he had cancer or a brain tumor, but I had done all I could do to extend his life with quality for awhile. One has to decide. I feel great Sadness, it is coming and going and coming back again. this will take time, time to let my heart heal, hope that he is in a better place, with his brothers and sisters and all the others who have come before him. It is still sinking in, that he will only be a memory or a photo or a feeling in my heart that feels cold and lost.....

went to Mt. Hood neighborhood today!

2009-04-21T20:02:00.000-07:00

and this time I got a little tour of the elevation. I picked up kids at Alameda Elementary and took them to the Kiwanas Camp up on the shoulder of Mt. Hood. This time though, we got there and reloaded the bus this time with 65 children and adults and drove further up the shoulder of Mt. Hood to I think 4,000 feet. Probably a 6% or a little better grade because the bus then was only going 25mph in a 55 mph zone. Of course as per safety and the law I had my hazard lights on and we climbed. Lots of torque in the motor, just no hp. So we get to this place and it is just a pull out and park. We hike up this path, and come to a spot on the mountain that the settlers who came to Oregon via the Oregon Trail had to drag their wagons up and down. And they did, to avoid the Platt River which is nearby. I took some photos, but there is only so much I can do in one day. I was driving at 0600 until 0835 on my route and then to Alameda and then to Mt. Hood. I got back just in time to take Buster home. He was sitting in the car, but the temp was expected to climb past the high 70's today. I got back after about an hour of break, fueled my bus again and went to pick up kids, got done with that at 1715 and took a short break and fueled other buses for about an hour. It's money, but not that much. Money is my sole reason for working as much as I do. I am good at this kind of work and do it well and it is fun, but the bottom line is like anyone else's bottom line, the pay check!

I'm no prize, but kind of felt good today at TJ's when....

2009-04-20T20:12:00.000-07:00

an attractive woman said hi to me while shopping. Of course, I had no defined action for the moment except to say hi back. Later, I asked myself why I didn't ask her if she would like to meet for coffee or lunch or could I feed her some chocolate? I just don't think of myself in the right way along those lines. It did make me feel good. I was looking rather sharp today in my black and gray shirt with old cars on it in yellow. I was also wearing my black dockers and had just trimmed my hair, read buzz and did my beard the same length. My beard at this short length looks more attractive and is not so hot. I think it adds to making me younger looking but not sure about that. Then I was wearing my dark glasses and a ball type cap. Yep, that made me feel good, better. I'm glad I now have money to spend on myself. Not much, but enough to at least go to the second hand stores and shop and purchase.

Onward to the new room mates. Room mate A is the house owners disabled brother and room mate B is a younger guy studying to become a nurse and working too as an attendant for a disabled person, not rm A. I've found that out some things having lived with these guys now for about 3 weeks. A is not to bright, has been in AA for about 20 years but has a prescription drug problem that gets him loaded on occasion. B is an aggressive know it all who is sometimes a bully and has temper tantrums when things don't go his way or if he doesn't want to engage, he ignores us. I'm done letting him use me as a door mat. You see, I'm pretty passive now that I have nearly 23 years clean and sober, although many including myself feel that c and s is not really an appropriate term for someone who has maintained abstinence for that long. Clean works best, but this is not that 12 step program. I let people take the rope out and if they hang themselves or whip me with it I will then determine how I will interact with them. I'm slow mentally that way and it takes me a while to figure out how I will deal with someone.

Buster my dog has an ailment beyond his Vestebular disease, possibly a brain lesion. It gives
him something like seizures. I took him to the emergency vet the other day. We are treating his other ailment, arthritis with a pain med.

So yesterday it was really hot and I left him outside where there is shade while I went to work. I left a note on the door so there would be no misunderstanding about leaving him out. Both room mates had a chance to read it since they were not home when I left. Today, I left Buster and the cat Jerky outside without a note and the understanding that he would stay out because it is to hot inside and I don't want him cooped up in our room while I am gone. Outside he has his pool which he can cool off in and can dig in the dirt and I left his water out there. I specifically said to A that I would let him in when I got home. I got home and A told me he let them in because he was concerned about the temp. He put my dog in the bedroom the one that faces the afternoon sun and the window was not open, but the door to the rest of the house was. I got home and immediately told A that was not what I had wanted. he stammered that he thought it was to hot outside and etc. I got Buster and took him for a walk and then came back and told A that I know he did it out of concern for Buster, but he could have consulted with me by calling me on my cell phone. he said something like yeah, but hadn't thought of it at the time. I also told him once back that I intended to put him out there tomorrow and I expected him to be outside when I get home. I had to spell it out and B heard me say it too.

B did have a little tantrum when A and I were out yesterday, somehow he got into it with the toilet paper holder. he managed to rip one of the arms off the wall. I will give him a week to fix it and then ask him when he expects to have it repaired if it isn't. When I got here and his water pik shower head holder broke i fixed in quickly in a few days. Took me some a day to go and get some JB Weld and then another day to glue it back together and for it to cure for 24 hours. It is not stronger than it was and it I see the other side start to break, I am staying away from it.

So, theres A and B and me. I am not the greatest person, my brain is wired differently, but I do have values that I live by. Honesty, openness and willing to adapt and adjust. I am honest in my communications, but require more information. I wanted to ahve house meetings to discuss ideas and suggestions and delegation of work, but B said his experience has shown him that house meetings are just so that someone can take over the house. I don't want to take over, but I think that B is or has been in charge and is worried that if we all sit down and talk our issues together, he will lose his authority with A. He has certainly lost it with me and my perception is that he sees me as a threat. He always has a reason that something can't be done because it has already been addressed or he tells me that I need to get my dog into obedeince (sorry, can't get the spell check to work for me)training or train him myself. And since I told him I am just loving Buster, he just doesn't get how I allow Buster to be a dog. He has ideas and my ideas clash with him and his ideas. The way I live and conduct my life is stricter than many in different ways. I mentioned my honest and the need for structure and being able to find things where I put them. That's the other thing. When he sees an idea that I institute in the house like put my dust pan and whisk broom in a certain location, he took my broom and dust pan and put them somewhere else and put some other broom that he was keeping in the closet in it's place. well when I told him about that he told me to essentially get over it. There have been other instances and I'm just not going to let him get away with it anymore. He was pulling up dandelions from the yard and pilling them on the lawn furniture. I told him I found that to be unproductive, but he left them there. I wanted to use the furniture, so I just dumped off the weeds and he had them picked up and in the trash before I got home from work. I just don't think that leaving a mess in common areas is Ok, but because he doesn't want to have a house meeting he is not allowing me to express my feelings about living with room mates in a structured situation. It is almost like he can't imagine anyone else who thinks different then him. Yeah, I needed to write all that, just get it out. I describe B now as a jerk. B's a jerk and A is a drugged up sober guy and me, I'm just to sensitive as I know since people have always told me that. I just take things to personally. Like when they use me as a door mat, I am just supposed to pick myself up and pretend it didn't happen? Seems to me that is living life in denial about some behaviors.

I don't know when I am posting pictures, not tonight.

Enter into the embryonic warmth of the bath or....

2009-04-19T09:14:00.001-07:00

How I replenish my youthful spirit!

yes that's right, I can renew my youthful spirit just by taking a bath and it works. No, cremes or lotions or potions that I have to spend big bucks on!

Of course, this is not an option for those who live in apartments with 1/2 a bath or only a shower. Those folks if they want to renew this way will have to seek out other baths that they can just sit in and feel the warmth of embryonic bliss!

While doing this today, I was reading the latest issue of Mother Jones Magazine which gives me another view and interpretation of our financial system. MJM tells me that although us United States citizens should own the likes of Citibank and others from the amounts of money given to them, we don't, because Henry Paulson didn't want the government to nationalize the banks because that sounds to much like socialism, a bad word to North Americans of the US ilk or so they say, those clever CEO's who have robbed and raped the US financial system beyond the idea of bankruptcy! Read Mother Jones for a comprehensive view of how United States financial system works. Read the Editors note at the beginning and it will wet your pallet for more.

I'm there no one has arrived, including myself.....

2009-04-09T13:06:00.000-07:00

Help me mister wizard! Buster, Jerky and I have landed in another part of SE Portland, more outward from downtown.

I accepted all that this place is because I felt that we could live here, I can adjust, am aware that adjustment is needed. Anything of living situation for a dog and cat accompanying an aging man.

These guys also accepted me to their home. They are two single guys a 39 year old studying to be a nurse and a 53 year old disabled veteran. He just told me of his years of service in the Navy aboard DD 984 a forgot class destroyer. He is disabled and they have been living together since October of last year. His room mate has been trying to get him to so something besides sit and watch TV. I got home from work today, between runs something that I have had tome to do today only this week and he was watching TV on the big set. I have done all sorts of chores, etc. and he still just sits and comments on and watches TV. He has pain and he has been sober in AA for about 21 years, trouble is though he is on a lot of drugs and the reactions he has to the TV strikes me as someone who is heavily medicated. His talking to the TV leads me to believe this to be some of the evidence.

I know that I can only do what I do and lead by example, yet, I suggested to him that all three of us get together and have a house meeting to discuss the common areas and to prevent mole hills from becoming mountains of resentment etc.

This morning, I woke up the other character and he pointed out right then that the sound of the fan and my stirring of my coffee with a metal spoon banging on the side of the cup broke him abruptly out of his sleep! He told me right then and there not to do those things. He has no problem letting me know what bugs him, where as I struggle with it, hence I want to have an airing out session. Hopefully, they will be able to schedule something once in a while to deal with issues.

I so have a problem with the other buy not putting his things up or washing his dishes and leav ing them scattered about the kitchen and house. He is assertive, but to the point of really causing me to just put up and shut up which is so unhealthy.

So, I have to return to work, just needed to write this, vent, because the pressure is building up and I will probably have to start getting on my knees or where ever and pray for God's will and the power to carry it out without being a door mat or enabler.

Reading at the Huffington Post

2009-03-30T20:18:00.000-07:00

Where the house of cards built by Wall Street is continuing to fold, collapse and the people who are responsible are getting a second look by the Obama Administration. Apparently the Pension Benefit Guarantee Corporation which gets its guarantee from the government invested $64 billion into stocks just months before the market collapsed. So that entity that failed airlines and other corporations sent their employees retirements to has now taken a big hit since that guaranteed money is not there. It just gets more and more amusing. And all the while, the people at the top continue to try and save the investors, not the nickel and dime investors, we're talking about the multi-million and multi-billion dollar investors. Oh, and if that's not enough to make your skin bubble, Wagoneer formerly the CEO of GM has a $20 million golden parachute that will be paid over 5 years. His retirement package. I guess that money is going to come from us, part of the loan package GM is getting.

I'm telling you. These people need to get real. Get a real job, one where you are responsible for people and if you fail, you go to jail for a long time like us lowly people who work for a living.

Have I become a silent lamb for the Obama Administration? No, I'm just moving and

2009-03-30T04:22:00.000-07:00

And that has been consuming lots of my time.

In or on the Huffinginton Post this morning it is reported that Geithner stated on Meet The Press"The investors money is at risk. They can lose all their money." and his explanation goes on as explaining why we must save the investors money as opposed to saving the middle classes investments because it is complicated. Jack Krugman is not taking this lightly. He is butting heads publicly with Geithner. It is a good thing we have Jack Krugman putting up against these out of touch politicians that are or have been Wall Street cronies or even the CEO's of large in the tank financial institutions. This whole thing sucks and we have to save the Warren Buffet's of the world, so that they don't feel the same pain as everyone else. I'm not against Warren Buffet, his name was just at the tip of my tongue and I used him.

I have been accepted at the place I applied to live

2009-03-24T10:03:00.001-07:00

A shared living situation. I am going into it agter having lived alone without room mates for almost 20 years. It's the economy and my ability to bring in more money than I am able to get at this time in my life. At least I have a job and I hate saying that because it is what employers have said or possibly Republicans. It is to bad that we get to this place where we need to be just grateful that we are working. All who desire to work, well there should be jobs for everyone and all jobs should have value that allows us to have a quality of living that is way above poverty! That's what I dislike about that saying, because generally many people who I have heard say that had no idea what it is like to be working poor!

I guess this is a gratitude list....

2009-03-24T09:57:00.000-07:00

Trying to figure out how I fit in and still am trying to understand how to adapt and adjust to where I fit in and just live my life without butting my head so many times against the wave that is breaking over me. I am grateful that I am cognizant and continuing to question and seek the answers.

I am grateful for the life I have, grateful for my dog and cat. I am grateful that I have a new place to move to and am grateful that I am still capable of earning a living. I am grateful that I have a few close friends and that my sister Margaret is living nearby in Portland and that we communicate regularly.

I was thinking of writing something else, but then wrote a friend on face book about another friend that had a large influence on me concerning gratitude.

watch out for this website!

2009-03-23T19:48:00.000-07:00

A friend posted this site on his face book page. I tried to copy the url and did, but not to the page he had. Of course, something amusing comes up, so go for the link and see what these righteous few are up to!

watch out for Satin!! Then click on the home page and find the truth or be lost forever in your sin!

On another note, I have been accepted to move in with 2 other characters and another aging dog. The room is much smaller than my current digs, the house is pretty small too and sharing it with two others should be interesting to say the least. No stair for Buster to struggle with, well a short one into the house. No more six stairs to struggle up. Enjoy the website and find your own peace!

Here's a driving story, short I hope I can keep it that way!

2009-03-22T12:10:00.000-07:00

Exiting our bus yard on NE Columbia Blvd. is often a real challenge because it is a 3 lane road. One lane in each direction and a two way left turn lane. Before coming to the yard in either direction are yellow diamond signs showing a school bus and an arrow, to warn other drivers that school buses could be in the area, turning onto and off of the roadway in the next couple of hundred feet. The posted speed there is 40 however most of the traffic goes between 35 and 55 mph.

When we pull the school bus out of the driveway, we need to encroach into the two way left turn lane for a few moments to safely complete the turn onto Columbia. We do a hook turn there and are soon back into our West bound traffic lane. Friday while leaving the yard, I was looking both East and West alternately waiting for a break in the traffic so that I could pull out onto the roadway in to the West, that's a right turn. I am looking to the West to make sure there is no one in the middle lane since I need that space to complete my turn. Everything is clear to the left, clear to the right and I get my bus moving. I'm in the center lane with the bus heading into the West bound traffic lane and suddenly a red car is speeding towards me in the center lane! Where did this car come from? Oh, I get it! It was in the East bound traffic lane when the driver decided she needed to pass the slower traffic! That's what happened. She had to quickly veer back into her traffic lane when confronted by the bus! I reacted quickly too, by carefully applying my brakes and was able to slow down from 10 mph to stopped soon enough for her to get back into her lane without colliding with me. As I looked in my mirror upon proceeding in a West bound direction, I saw the famous American Bird appearing out of her drivers window! I had no response to that but to shake my head and continue on my journey.

These kind of scenes happen multiple times per day to each and every professional driver on the road. Sometimes their are tradgic results, but most times nothing bad happens. If more non professional drivers could witness these types of near misses. Well, I just don't think that they would be capable of changing their patterns of behavior enough to make a difference. 30 thousand pounds at any speed is still like driving your car into a brick wall! Once again, here is that picture reminder of what it means to collide with a bus. This avoidable accident happened because the driver thought he could cross traffic in front of the bus which was traveling at about 28 mph. Unfortunately the car driver miscalculated and was struck by the bus and the first responders had to cut the roof off the car to remove him and his passenger.

Here is a good story on Alternet with Eliot Spitzer, remember him?

2009-03-22T12:02:00.000-07:00

AIG Story !
Check out this story. And we thought Eliot Spitzer the former Governor of New York State just got caught with hookers. It seems that political blackmail is alive and well in the United States. At least we seem to be beyond political assassinations!

It's nine am and I have to finish up, but first...Buster

2009-03-21T09:00:00.001-07:00

Buster's condition is deteriorating fast or so it seems. His eye sight is failing and along with his idiocratic vestebular disease he is really struggling. I am just taking it a moment at a time with him and think I may have to put him down, end his life since he is so struggling with just being here now. I am delaying my decision to put him down because it is so painful to think about life without Buster. He is such a loving dog, but I have to think of his quality of life, if he is in pain etc. The vestebular disease is completely horrible and he has compensated masterfully, but even with his compensation, he struggles so much. I've had to walk him on the leash just to keep him from leaning and then falling down to the side.

Last weekend I took him to Oaks Bottom and let him go swimming. Bad idea, even though he has been a good swimmer in the past, his balance issue came out big time in the water. As soon as the river bottom got deeper, he lost his balance in the water and rolled over like a log and began thrashing. If I hadn't run into the river, he would have drowned since he couldn't seem to right himself.

He has old blind dog disease and vestebular disease. I'd heard the band Old Blind Dogs but it didn't strike me as being about dogs, but that is what happens to dogs eventually and some people too. We grow old and the qualities that we have come to expect of our lives leave us. It is because of this aging that makes it tough for our living friends and families. At least Buster and Jerky have me to look after them. It is just tearing at my heart that Buster is going down faster as the moments pass......

Rebelliousness is a learned trait!

2009-03-21T08:27:00.000-07:00

I was not always a rebel. I had to learn it from someplace, my survival mode. I couldn't accept what society wanted me to be from an early age. What was left was non conforming. Being rebellious is not so comfortable most of the time. I am constantly at war inside myself.

Just as with many of my peers I have been searching my soul for my own happiness. It certainly isn't something that happens from the outside. Happiness is an inside job. I have thrived on a positive outlook even in the most negative of circumstances. The negative side is really powerful and it is a struggle to keep away from it's false promises.

Being a rebel is not a negative experience as society has tried to tell me over and over. Society in the past had no way of integrating my rebellious nature into something that would benefit them I suspect.

Bail OUt Fiasco and the Golden parachutes!

2009-03-16T19:25:00.001-07:00

Well, AIG wants more money and the big rip is that they are giving bonuses to the folks that dragged their dicks in the dirt and took the whole company down. They say they are contracts and I put out a comment on NPR about contracts. I said that let them go bankrupt just like like the airlines and auto makers and then abrogate those contracts just like the bankruptcy judges did to the unions.

But those big corporations, AIG and the banks have said we are to big to go belly up, all these things bad things would happen if they were to fail. Guess what, all the bad things have happened and now the tax payers are on the hook! I can't describe how angry I am about all the financial dealings of these companies. And it is not like we didn't know it was happening. The business model hasn't changed for at least 2 decades and we let these people continue to threaten us and rob us because we are afraid to let them fail, then shame on us.

I wasgoing to say something, besides gonite, but that is it.

2009-03-08T20:35:00.000-07:00

post-raphaelite sisterhood has posed an interesting question that needs some further response from me.

2009-03-08T08:17:00.000-07:00

According to some we are not in a depression nor are we going to go into one like the 1930's.

And of course, I have managed to get off the topic of why I go to work but it is linked on my ability to go to work. Already, the school district I work for indirectly is saying they have a budget shortfall even though their budget has increased and the money they get from the state has increased, apparently not enough to stave off a shortfall. Where is that going to leave my job? It is all interconnected, the reasons I go to work and what the economy is doing. So.....

Since I tend to be wordy in my ability to address questions with short answers I am continuing my thoughts here on why I go to work.

When I was growing up I never understood the relationship my father had with work and how it he traded his time for a salary. He was a salaried worker and not hourly like some of us.

In my imagination growing up when I finally understood something about earning money, my thoughts that came from my idealism were that my tax dollars would be used to supply me with housing, medicine etc. The things that in a civilized society the people should be getting. I believe that still. I believe that our tax dollars should be used to better our society, not benefit those who want to profit from making weapons to sell to our government and attack those who don't believe the way we do. Of course, my idealism is quite the opposite of reality because our tax dollars seem to be being used to further the future of the big businesses that have caused much of the current turmoils in our society while pursuing that illusive big buck!

It is a shame that our direction seems to be determined by the 1% of our society that controls 90% of the wealth. It is preposterous to think that we keep pouring money into failing enterprises because they are just to big to fail, that we have over time given big business to be referred to as people and allowed huge regulatory misconduct and tax loop holes and given additional tax breaks.

Why do you think so many people see opportunities in coming to The United States of America? It is called "The Land of Opportunity" but maybe we should be called "The Land of Opportunists" in order to out the unscrupulous, to bring them out and put them under the microscope of scrutiny.

Mad, your damn right I'm mad as Hell! These people have run our country into the ground and keep coming back to be bailed out. The people who work for others have to take the brunt of the impact of the receding economy in layoffs and all that goes along with that. It is past time to see just have far we have not come from the days of feudalism.

Other shots. They may be repeats....

2009-03-07T16:24:00.000-08:00

Buster up to his elbows.

Looking into the Valley from Forest Heights.

Yesterday at SW Taylor and SW 17th Ave. a car not making a complete stop

2009-03-07T14:08:00.000-08:00

Yes, people seem to be somewhat disconnected from the driving experience. While I made a complete stop, first looking left, then right, then in both my mirrors towards the back and sides and then left again and halfway into the intersection at SW 17th Ave. heading South towards SW Salmon a car heading West on SW Taylor decided to make a jab a go stop, which really isn't a stop. I saw the car and prepared for the hit by aggressively applying my brakes, so much so that my students all exclaimed in surprise, "Joe, what the heck are you doing?" I responded, sorry, a car driver decided not to stop at the stop sign and I was preparing for the hit. It didn't come. The driver apparently saw my big yellow school bus right in front of them and put on the brakes. That car would have dove under my bus and been lodged there like a piece of cheese on a cracker under the grip of my teeth biting down on it.

Since they stopped and I asked if everybody was OK, looking at the same time in the student mirror we then proceeded to the school.

A moment later we pulled up at the school zone stop and I let them all out. See many of you later at 3:15pm when I come back to take you all back to the hills.

Before collapsing it may have looked like this....

2009-03-07T10:47:00.001-08:00

I really like clouds and here are some....

2009-03-07T10:40:00.000-08:00

It is kind of hard to tell in the photo but these are reverse convection clouds. What is left aftter a thunder head expends almost all of it's energy. The cauliflower like vapors that shoot up in a thunder head and expand upward are now expanding downward. There clouds are called Mammatus Clouds.

if you google Mammatus Clouds you will find more defined examples of them. Of course, my fascination with clouds drives my curiosity, sense of adventure and awe with nature.

Seems I left my cell in my bus. Only phone I have, I have to go fetch it!

2009-03-07T10:36:00.000-08:00

My bus on the left.

This is how it looks from my drivers seat. I am told the cross over mirrors will hit first, but I never get that close. We all are encouraged to park this close at the school so that children will not be tempted to walk between the buses for obvious reasons.

You know what they say about pictures, something like a picture is a reflection of ....

2009-03-07T10:30:00.000-08:00

There must be many sayings about pictures. My mind is drained now so, pictures it is.....

Another shot looking South, Southwest from my bus route in NW Hills.

I told my friend Wendy in Stinson Beach about my phony Mr. Bill

2009-03-07T10:27:00.000-08:00

The result was she sent me this Mr. Bill for my birthday in Jan. who likes to hang around in my bus. It is to his liking since he is in the entertainment business.

Downtown Portland with the Real Mr. Bill

2009-03-07T10:26:00.000-08:00

more pictures

2009-03-07T10:20:00.001-08:00

Looking North West from NW Cornell Road near Upper McClay Park. Oh, those dots, snow flakes on 03-02-2009

Pizza Wars!

Can you deliver two of those pizza's? We are dining at the Dumpster cafe!

My life, a medley of moments.....

2009-03-07T09:30:00.000-08:00

Z, Just when I think I might be getting as clue, my thoughts and feelings do a 180 degree turn and I am in another zone.

Finally, publishing my photos after attempting to change the links in my photo bucket album.

Here is a shot looking Southwest into the in the Forest Heights neighborhood which is part of my bus route, NW Hills.

I'm reflecting on every moment, did you know?

2009-03-07T08:59:00.000-08:00

I've not been able to post for days, maybe weeks. I've lost track of the necessity to post. I've been working over 40 hours a week and the variety of the work has taken a toll on me.

My situation at home has changed. I've submitted my 30 day notice to quit my apartment and received a list of what is required by the property management company for me to get my deposit back in regards to cleaning my place. I will manage it, because I need the money and it is just cleaning. I'm really good at cleaning sometimes. I'll be really good at this, because it benefits me and I will see results for my actions.

I have been looking for a new place to live and met a man yesterday, from CA who is living up here in North Portland, leasing a house that he is renting out the bedrooms for much less than I am paying for this apartment. I'm hoping that he will find me to be the most likely candidate to rent to.

It is rather a leap of faith to quit ones residence without having a place to move to. I have to remember that with every closing of a door a new one unlocks. All I have to do is approach it and turn the knob, open it and walk in. Behold the wonders beyond the door!

I have been just surviving and I want to go beyond that, want to thrive as Kaiser Health suggests we do by becoming a member for just $1500.o0 a month or whatever amount I can't afford is. It's less through my union.

I'm on Jackson Browne's website and a medley of songs is playing. That's all I need sometimes to remind me of my past life, my ideals.

Well, it is not taking my html link again. Maybe it is because I can't put it in one line. I don't know, but if you want to listen to Jackson, just google him and you will hear what I am hearing.

The Reliability Factor

2009-02-28T09:27:00.000-08:00

I am somewhat disappointed with my housing search. I suspect I expect others to be as reliable as myself. I mean I just called a person who contacted me about their room for rent to change my appointment, from this morning to this afternoon.

I spoke with her on Thursday. when I called a few minutes ago, she told me the rooms had been rented and she said she was sorry that she should have called me.

We develop habits. It is a practiced habit to keep in touch with people, although in my case I struggle with keeping in touch with those I left in California, I still do it.

I guess I just have higher standards about my word and am running into the lower standard people.

Even the place out in Scappose I called emailed the person to say I decided not to pursue living there and the one I saw at the beginning of the week, told that one right there I was not interested. She wanted to know why and struggled with accepting my statement of just some feelings.

I am sensitive and have been listening to my feelings as opposed to some of the other inputs we all get and I have been having good results with my interpretation of the those feelings.

I continue to believe that I will find a place to move to with my pets or if not, I will adapt. I will what I can to make this happen, within reason of course.

I've got some pictures coming and some errands to run. I will be back!

I am such a child at heart

2009-02-26T21:08:00.001-08:00

Having my dog is helping to keep my inner child alive.

It is my understanding that a dog only gets to be the mental age of a 5 year old child. In that case, I continue to treat him with love and like a little kid. I invent words and use invented words repetitively since I am really quite prone this type of behaivor around my dog and cat too. I have a voice that is part child, part adult, part cartoon character.

I suspect if anyone heard me talking to my dog, well they might think lots of things. I don't care. I am a survivor of a lot of bad behaviors, mine and others and have not got to my old age of 59 going on 60 by letting others thoughts condemn me. People are allowed to have their opinions. Buster's and my time is short for the planet. Although, I will likely survive him, it will not be easy at first. I treat him like my small child simply because he is one to me and there is no reason to make him behave like a human. He is a dog and therefore behaves like a dog, but he loves me and I love him back. It makes me sad right now to know that his time is limited, that he will one day pass from this existance and that just brings my own mortality into focus.

I love my dog and cat but I think I love my dog more because he is almost always with me, my constant companion. He keeps me from taking the rest of the world to seriously.

On another note. Two small school buses from our yard had a collision today. Both going up a hill, the one in front stopped, the one behind for some reason didn't stop. It is totaled. The one is front is damaged, but will be repaired. I didn't hear about the passengers. Pictures will be coming soon, maybe as soon as tomorrow.

There was a beautiful sunset this evening. Right behind it was a small crescent moon and then some bright planet. I would have loved to get a photo, but was working still.

If meat is so good then why do we almost always supplement it with vegies?

2009-02-23T12:28:00.000-08:00

Yeah, every main dish of meat is always something like roast beast with carrots, potatoes, onions, etc. or fish with broccoli and onions and mushrooms.

I am cooking up some mushrooms, tofu, onions, rice and broccoli. mmmm. The onion carmelizing smells delicious. I've got to get back and check on my spearmint tea!

Scappoose is out!

2009-02-22T15:50:00.000-08:00

The place in Scappoose is out. To far for my old tired van with 265,000 miles on the odometer. Just that alone should be enough, but the person renting doesn't pick up the poop from her 5 dogs and they step in it and come in the house, ewwwh. Then she is worried about the tenant cleaning the toilet and that was an issue with her and the last tenant.

I did post another ad on craigs list, looking for a room and handy with tools that caught some ones eye. Hopefully, they don't flake like some of the others that have initially contacted me.

I am moving, being positive about it and shedding some of my items that I have collected over the years.

If I can accomplish this move, it will allow me to pay off my debts and save some funds to further accomplish my goals.

Up in Scappoose Oregon

2009-02-21T19:04:00.000-08:00

I went to Scappoose today to look at the room for rent. Here is part of the back yard and the frozen white snow/ice combo still laying about since the first snow fall back in Dec. 2008.

The creek goes by on the right and straight ahead. She said it floods on occasion and then she referred to it as a river.

This is the house where the room is located, on the bottom to the left of the door. It only has one window which I only show part of. The rest of the basment is shop on the right and a ping pong table further back in.

I'm considering this situation seriously since the whole rent including the utilities is $600 a month. It is 45 minutes from Portland and 35 miles on state non divided highway. She says about 80 of the residents commute to Portland, but not at the time I would be driving.

The Highway