Sometimes it seems like forever that I come here to write, where does the time go? It is forever and a day. Facebook draws me away and of course, it is cyclic for me. Because I worked as a school bus operator for 13 years I had to find new word substitutions for times when I would have liked to use crass language. Nothing a middle school kid likes better than to use the F bomb and catch the new driver using it so they can get then removed! So, I went into a whole new language for my expletives, one that I invented for myself, more like a group of sounds as opposed to words and with that I can guard my position as bus operator from the spying ears of those who hold like to exert power over us.
Onward, just want to report on my chaotic health. Got tripped down at work, it was an accident, not intentional that another driver stuck their foot in my path and caused me to fall right knee first into the hard concrete floor, hairline fracturing my right knee cap in two places hit my left shoulder on the wall further injuring my rotator cuff.
This whole thing, a crazy adventure. I will write more later on this very page when the computer platform is not rocking back and forth on my good knee!
The other thing, the neglected left shoulder, the one with the torn rotator cuff, the completely long biceps tendon torn from its anchor and retracted into what, the muscle? Went to the doctor on the 17th after many good days and some bad days before. It was almost feeling normal before the doctor, but he had me move it several directions and now it is almost as sore as in the beginning.
I am icing it as I work on the keyboard, but bed calls me. Time to lay down and get ready for tomorrow.
Monday, May 4, 2020
Thursday, April 2, 2020
Chapter Oblivion, infinity
Feb. 8, 2016
My rebellion started long ago. It is now obsolete. No one cares that I have long hair, no one really has to deal with it besides me. There are much younger people at my work who have colored hair, mohawks, shaved on one side, long on the other. My battle over hair is over. Employers, schools now know that hair is not an issue that they care about. They still care about some of the same things, behavior, lack of funding, how can they teach those who can't sit still. I am nearly obsolete as well, not just my rebellions. I continue to fight against the system, but it has grown to big. I continue to stumble around with no apparent anchor. No foundation that keeps me stable, that I base my life on. In March of 2020 this is not exactly true for me now or was it then. I do have a foundation of truth, honor, justice, empathy and compassion.
Sometimes I am afraid, afraid of what I am doing, how I can accomplish my goal. Afraid of not accomplishing, afraid of succeeding. I am alone and when I accomplish my goal will again be alone. I intend to visit folks, but I will still be alone. I have been ok with myself and being alone, I have been ok with myself for all this time, since about 1984 when the big change came. I have been alone with myself for a long long time.
Watching the movie Kidnapping Mr. Heineken with Anthony Hopkins as Mr. Heineken.
I am just hanging around waiting it seems to go back to work. I should be engaged with going to the outdoors, to the woods but I am holed up. Holed up in my place and watching a movie that is rather dramatic. A dramatic movie. Desperation, is following the kidnappers, desperation. Got all the money, but isolated. Got little money and isolated I am. I am isolated because I chose to be, I guess. Something is really wrong, it is to quite, the movie that is. Not trying to scare anyone here especially myself.
One of Sir Anthony Hopkins lines as Freddy Heineken's in the movie was there are two ways a man can be rich: he can have a lot of money or he can have a lot of friends, but he can't have both. Hmm, food for thought. I have neither a lot of friends or a lot of money. I have neither. That is not true either here in April 2020. I have many good friends, good people like me. I have people who are concerned about my health, people who call me, people who ask for advice important moral questions. I have many friends. Why would I say I don't have many, I am a social person, perhaps because I still trying to avoid something that is difficult in my life. This is how it is with me, time traveling, it is what I do, jump around a lot, only metaphorically though. The jumping is in my mind. I am not physically jumping.
Comeback to this in March 23, 2020
I don't have a lot of money, I have enough and a little more, but I have a lot of friends who have stepped into my life to make sure I am ok. I am ok, will weather this better than some of the people I know who can't live without employment. I have already set my life up for retirement and living without working. Before 1984 if I got uncomfortable, I would just disappear, a big mistake on my part. I left two different women that I found out later I was in love with them, each at separate times. I am discovering rather harshly that reality is a cruel companion at times. I regret my mistakes before 1984 and my own isolation is necessary.
I have made up for a lot of my past. I became a school bus operator and really came to appreciate what the job entails. It is about building relationships and then as the children mature and move on we have to recover from that. But there are more children, more parents, more teachers, more administrators. Newer bosses. Changing partners.
No job that I have ever had has affected me so deeply and with more satisfaction than keeping children safe on a moving school bus. Oh yep, I know that I wrote once it was the worst job I ever had, it is the hardest, but certainly not the worst. It is a rewarding job, but there is a lot of BS and a lot of misunderstanding by the public and the whole education system for the job we do and the cooperation we are asking for and not usually getting it.
I wrote an article once for a magazine, PDX Parent about school bus safety and of course, I got a rejection notice. I was surprised and disappointed. A magazine that catered to parents and they said they have in-house writers thank for your submission. It was just a passing thought. Have sights somewhere about that my career there is just a hapter in my ling blogging, that I may who knows, go into a book but it would certainly have to be self published.
There are words I have had in my head for decades and whose definitions I must have got confused long ago because as I look them up, totally not what I thought they meant. Wow! This is just me, how I go about things when I am in my own time line, if I don't have to do anything for anyone else.
Sunday, March 29, 2020
Friday, March 27, 2020
स्टील कंप्यूटर illiterate
इ दोन'टी क्नोव। इ दोन'टी क्नोव नो वहत इ हवे फौलेद up
Sometimes, I speak in tongues and even I don't know what I said, like here. I don't know, certainly not illiterate. Something. So, googling the text above brought me to conspiracyprophecyguy.blogspot.com
I must have liked it, I can't read it, ok by me. Just have to and the original date was 12/29/13.
Sometimes, I speak in tongues and even I don't know what I said, like here. I don't know, certainly not illiterate. Something. So, googling the text above brought me to conspiracyprophecyguy.blogspot.com
I must have liked it, I can't read it, ok by me. Just have to and the original date was 12/29/13.
Saturday, March 21, 2020
Observations from the home is where I park it, my truck.
It is March 21, 2020
I am listening to the Grateful Dead Show on KBOO community radio which is another story in itself.
I am parked outside of the Bison Cafe in NE Portland Oregon. Having now been living, urban camping in my 23 foot step van since July of 2019.
Urban camping is especially a strange and challenging lifestyle. I have been working towards this for some time, although the actual working is still taking place. I have procrastinated many hours away because without a structure to my life, I am to distracted with my ADHD to settle down.
Now that the Corvid-19 virus is here, I am feeling more motivated and having survived the winter without having hooked up my little Dickinson Wood burning stove that is meant for those of us who might be living an alternative lifestyle. Actually made in Canada for marine use, but it has promised to be very excellant in my short van of which the living space is shortened to about 13 get long.
There are all kinds of blogs and ideas out there or van conversations and I am so far out of the box I did not follow any of them really.
Onward, this will be of my hang outs, no not the online hang out, but real time because I can use the internet here. However, there is a sign that says no overnight parking. Cully Blvd. Alliance.
March 22, 2020 no more hangouts for awhile, I am fixed here at my new home in SE at my adopted family who are also from another state. We do share a similar state of mind and they and I have been very close for the last 13 years.
I put the levelling blocks togetther this afternnon and backed my truck onto them. It looks pretty level, so I take out my torpedo level and viola, no not the instrument; the bubble in the level, only off one or two degrees. Sometimes we get lucky, but other times we practice and do well. There was steong motivation for me to get the truck leveled becuse my weather app says 95% chance of rain tomorrow.
It looks like a tornado went though the interior of my truck, I completely took almost everything out of where it was stowed. I am my own worst enemy when it comes to clutter or organization. Going to work has almost always been good for me because it provides an established structure. Did I mention I have ADD or some kind of variant to that.
I am listening to the Grateful Dead Show on KBOO community radio which is another story in itself.
I am parked outside of the Bison Cafe in NE Portland Oregon. Having now been living, urban camping in my 23 foot step van since July of 2019.
Urban camping is especially a strange and challenging lifestyle. I have been working towards this for some time, although the actual working is still taking place. I have procrastinated many hours away because without a structure to my life, I am to distracted with my ADHD to settle down.
Now that the Corvid-19 virus is here, I am feeling more motivated and having survived the winter without having hooked up my little Dickinson Wood burning stove that is meant for those of us who might be living an alternative lifestyle. Actually made in Canada for marine use, but it has promised to be very excellant in my short van of which the living space is shortened to about 13 get long.
There are all kinds of blogs and ideas out there or van conversations and I am so far out of the box I did not follow any of them really.
Onward, this will be of my hang outs, no not the online hang out, but real time because I can use the internet here. However, there is a sign that says no overnight parking. Cully Blvd. Alliance.
March 22, 2020 no more hangouts for awhile, I am fixed here at my new home in SE at my adopted family who are also from another state. We do share a similar state of mind and they and I have been very close for the last 13 years.
I put the levelling blocks togetther this afternnon and backed my truck onto them. It looks pretty level, so I take out my torpedo level and viola, no not the instrument; the bubble in the level, only off one or two degrees. Sometimes we get lucky, but other times we practice and do well. There was steong motivation for me to get the truck leveled becuse my weather app says 95% chance of rain tomorrow.
It looks like a tornado went though the interior of my truck, I completely took almost everything out of where it was stowed. I am my own worst enemy when it comes to clutter or organization. Going to work has almost always been good for me because it provides an established structure. Did I mention I have ADD or some kind of variant to that.
Saturday, April 29, 2017
More adventures of a school bus operator.
4/29/17
5/4/20 I came back and started looking at my drafts. I always get distracted. I started here this morning. was into my daily journal, did a walk and came back here and now it is 1730 and I am thinking about dinner, but I am not Rollin yet. As it stands now in 2020, I am officially in the retirement state of mind. I have yet to give notice at my job and will be doing that around the 7th of June. That is when the school year would have been over. I plan on hitting the road end of June for Sisters Oregon to visit my good friend Sue Purcell. I have visited with her a few times most recently last summer. She will be my first stop before an extensive tour through Oregon and down to California where my two sisters and I are planning a get together in Santa Cruz County.
I have a lot of friends in CA and some 0f them want to visit with me and I them. That is going to be the rest of my life, hanging out with friends who have made a strong impressions on me and I on them. They know who they are since most of us have had contact with each other in the last 20 years. This is just the continuing story, another chapter in the life and time of this one guy.
I try and put dates on my writing because I need the refrence for later. Without a date, it just rolls into oblivion for me.
I was just pouring my 3rd cup of coffee and thought, wow, I plan on rolling along the highways of America in a couple of years for the Twighlight of my life. Twighlight and morning light. I like the mornings the best and on Sat., like today, they are awesome. I imagine spending the twilight evening hours drinking some hot tea, watching the glow of the setting sun. My memory recollects some of those times in the quiet evenings of my past.
Today, I don't have to wake up at o'dark anything and it is usually light when I get up. I am at work week days by about 6:10 am and because of that time I get up and wake up, coffee, come out of that haze of sleep and do the things I find help me wake up. Shower and dress. When I leave the abode I am awake, driving to work I am awake and awake when I arrive. Some of my fellow drivers often look like they fell out of their car and that woke them up as they drag into the dispatch office. To me that is scary, but part of their routine and some of those don't start work as early as I do. They drink the free to them coffee, with the imitation creamer that comes out of a cardboard can with a metal bottom and a plastic lid. They drink a lot of coffee there with creamer and sugar. Every place in the transportation industry I have worked provides coffee, some of it free, some of it not so free.
Workers today like to complain about many things when they have jobs that they made a conscious design to accept. Whether they chose it or it chose them. I once knew a guy who was telling me that the school bus operators job choses us, not the other way around. I believe that to be true. Back to the complainers and "free"coffee and creamer. If workers would get the big picture about their situations they could start getting organized and take charge of their lives .When. it gets down to that though, they are afraid of the companies they work for and act as though they could be easily replaced.
It would not be in my best interest not to note the passing of Gato the cat who lived where I live, yesterday. He was such a wild and beautiful cat, Tuxedo cat as they seem to be known. Of course he was part feral and not an indoor cat. I have fond memories of him. He helped me get over my loss of my other pets as pets often do for us. Our companions of unconditional love!
I do have to get moving along though because I will be going over to NoPo and getting my truck to work on it, purchase some more 2x4's etc. Spring is here and the weather is dry and I can now work on it more steadily since school will be letting out on 15th of June, just a month and a half away. I am signing up for summer work though and have taken on a job tomorrow at 12:45 pm taking a band from Ceasar Chavez School in NoPo to Snitzer Theater for a show.
A lot of my decisions are now based on feeling, the way I feel. I feel coming to the end of my working career I must still keep my hand in it, to earn that extra, not money to subsidize my lack of working steady. I have been having trouble with some kids that I drive and the VP doesn't seem to understand how difficult and dangerous the behavior of these kids is when driving a 40 foot bus.
Hopefully these kids will mature and understand how dangerous it is their behavior and find other areas to amuse themselves because it is not ok. I have had to really focus on not giving them fuel to have me fired which is thier stated objective, not understanding what kind of impact that would have on me or anyone else. I have started citing the Administrative Directive from the school board as one of the violations. AD 4.30.060-P on anti- harrassment. I want the record to show that the administrators at the schools know what we know, that they are in violation of not thoroughly investigating or nipping at the beginning of the abuse we suffer. It is not ok. I have asked the kids before what they thought of if their parents went to a job and a co-worker was harassing them? They side step because they don't want to face that they are committing abusive behavior towards a person who just wants to do his job safely, get paid and go home and do the things that make us happy.
5/4/20 I came back and started looking at my drafts. I always get distracted. I started here this morning. was into my daily journal, did a walk and came back here and now it is 1730 and I am thinking about dinner, but I am not Rollin yet. As it stands now in 2020, I am officially in the retirement state of mind. I have yet to give notice at my job and will be doing that around the 7th of June. That is when the school year would have been over. I plan on hitting the road end of June for Sisters Oregon to visit my good friend Sue Purcell. I have visited with her a few times most recently last summer. She will be my first stop before an extensive tour through Oregon and down to California where my two sisters and I are planning a get together in Santa Cruz County.
I have a lot of friends in CA and some 0f them want to visit with me and I them. That is going to be the rest of my life, hanging out with friends who have made a strong impressions on me and I on them. They know who they are since most of us have had contact with each other in the last 20 years. This is just the continuing story, another chapter in the life and time of this one guy.
I try and put dates on my writing because I need the refrence for later. Without a date, it just rolls into oblivion for me.
I was just pouring my 3rd cup of coffee and thought, wow, I plan on rolling along the highways of America in a couple of years for the Twighlight of my life. Twighlight and morning light. I like the mornings the best and on Sat., like today, they are awesome. I imagine spending the twilight evening hours drinking some hot tea, watching the glow of the setting sun. My memory recollects some of those times in the quiet evenings of my past.
Today, I don't have to wake up at o'dark anything and it is usually light when I get up. I am at work week days by about 6:10 am and because of that time I get up and wake up, coffee, come out of that haze of sleep and do the things I find help me wake up. Shower and dress. When I leave the abode I am awake, driving to work I am awake and awake when I arrive. Some of my fellow drivers often look like they fell out of their car and that woke them up as they drag into the dispatch office. To me that is scary, but part of their routine and some of those don't start work as early as I do. They drink the free to them coffee, with the imitation creamer that comes out of a cardboard can with a metal bottom and a plastic lid. They drink a lot of coffee there with creamer and sugar. Every place in the transportation industry I have worked provides coffee, some of it free, some of it not so free.
Workers today like to complain about many things when they have jobs that they made a conscious design to accept. Whether they chose it or it chose them. I once knew a guy who was telling me that the school bus operators job choses us, not the other way around. I believe that to be true. Back to the complainers and "free"coffee and creamer. If workers would get the big picture about their situations they could start getting organized and take charge of their lives .When. it gets down to that though, they are afraid of the companies they work for and act as though they could be easily replaced.
It would not be in my best interest not to note the passing of Gato the cat who lived where I live, yesterday. He was such a wild and beautiful cat, Tuxedo cat as they seem to be known. Of course he was part feral and not an indoor cat. I have fond memories of him. He helped me get over my loss of my other pets as pets often do for us. Our companions of unconditional love!
I do have to get moving along though because I will be going over to NoPo and getting my truck to work on it, purchase some more 2x4's etc. Spring is here and the weather is dry and I can now work on it more steadily since school will be letting out on 15th of June, just a month and a half away. I am signing up for summer work though and have taken on a job tomorrow at 12:45 pm taking a band from Ceasar Chavez School in NoPo to Snitzer Theater for a show.
A lot of my decisions are now based on feeling, the way I feel. I feel coming to the end of my working career I must still keep my hand in it, to earn that extra, not money to subsidize my lack of working steady. I have been having trouble with some kids that I drive and the VP doesn't seem to understand how difficult and dangerous the behavior of these kids is when driving a 40 foot bus.
Hopefully these kids will mature and understand how dangerous it is their behavior and find other areas to amuse themselves because it is not ok. I have had to really focus on not giving them fuel to have me fired which is thier stated objective, not understanding what kind of impact that would have on me or anyone else. I have started citing the Administrative Directive from the school board as one of the violations. AD 4.30.060-P on anti- harrassment. I want the record to show that the administrators at the schools know what we know, that they are in violation of not thoroughly investigating or nipping at the beginning of the abuse we suffer. It is not ok. I have asked the kids before what they thought of if their parents went to a job and a co-worker was harassing them? They side step because they don't want to face that they are committing abusive behavior towards a person who just wants to do his job safely, get paid and go home and do the things that make us happy.
Tuesday, April 25, 2017
Nothing says home from work like..........
I forget to take off my boots, but when I do wow! My feet are free again from the confines of my boots. I can freely wiggle my toes, twist my foot around at the ankle, back and forth. Feel the air as it penetrates my socks, yes still wearing my socks.
Home, boots off, Freedom!
As it turns out, this thought ocured to me again in 2018 a year or so past when I started writing this tought as an essay if some sort.
Kicking my boots or shoes off initiates my feeling home at last after a trying day safely transporting the children.
Home, boots off, Freedom!
As it turns out, this thought ocured to me again in 2018 a year or so past when I started writing this tought as an essay if some sort.
Kicking my boots or shoes off initiates my feeling home at last after a trying day safely transporting the children.
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