Friday, December 30, 2011

growing pains

Growing up from a child to an adult, what does that mean exactly. I never knew in any cohesive terms, just small views here and there and then back into whatever oblivion I had chosen or been offered to lessen the pain of moving from one moment to the next. I had little cognitive idea what my place in our society was supposed to be. I had very little ability to connect the points of my life to the next.

There are some who say we are all in the same boat and that is true, we are all in this together, but also say we must each honor the differences in each of our life's experiences or we will learn little, just continuing to think that everyone's experiences are the same, assuming conditions that are not necessarily true for others. We can not assume that if you have the will to do something, you can because there are people out there who can't get that done, do to physical or mental or other limitations. There are those out there that have overcome their limitations, but they are the exceptions not the rule.

There are plenty of us out here who have had many opportunities to cease to exist, many times that we have or should have, yet here we are and why? That's a big question. There are small adjustments that I continue to make and I am learning still which is a good thing. If I don't learn as I go, I won't be able to lead along this path.  Leading is something I discovered about myself. I have determined that I am a leader not a follower. Each of us as individuals is capable of many things. We share many traits and our up bringing determines much of who we are to become. I had glimpses of who I was going to be. Others couldn't envision a future for me other than as a trouble maker or someone who was going to end up at the bottom of the pile. I have been at the bottom and I have been high on the ladder. Now I am just trying to record all of my experiences so that I too can leave a small imprint for just a moment in time.

We will all turn to dust and then our sun in some many thousands of years with grow to a large red giant and engulf all the planets in our solar system and even our foot prints will be swallowed up into oblivion! Of course, we will be long gone in our lives and our children's children's children, unknown whether they will even survive our inconsistencies to leap off this planet. The size of all existences is to large to imagine for most of us. Thinking of all the energy sources beyond our planet, our solar system, our galaxy, our universe. Such heady words, probably beyond our comprehension. I tremble trying to think of how insignificant I am in this ever expanding train of thinking! Wow, I've certainly experienced my share of growing pains and now it is time to bring my mind back to earth and think of being in the moment. This drip, drip drip existence that I am experiencing. That we are all plodding through.

Sunday, December 25, 2011

Another end, Another beginning!

So many drips have passed before my eyes. They have filled many pools. Some of them are in the cool hard porecelin of the bath tub, some of them in cool clear mountain streams. It is hard to recollect all the drips of time as one tries to once they have formed pools.

Looking at a pool gives thought of reflection if it is still, if we can be still. Sitting to the side, the front or whatever location. On a rock or on the element of the dirt or leaning on a tree. Finding that stillness is my choice, our choice. Piling our stillness into the last few days of a year is over whelming. Over the top. Making that choice of doing it all in one moment is over whelming. We don't have to choose this pool over all the drips.

Music is flooding over me as I sit here, cooling from sitting in my resin based pool of hot to warm water, now air, turning much of my energy inward. Reflecting on much, getting ready for more. There is always more until there is no more, at least in this reality of dripping moments.