Wednesday, August 6, 2014

To many to's

to many distractions.... to many papers.... to many lists....to much clutter.... to many action items.... to many minutes waking up.... to many thoughts.... to much disorganization.... to few days left in summer.... too many stories to tell.....too many expectations.... too much stress.... too many feelings....to few storage spaces.... to many unfinished projects.... to much lethargy..... to many gaps in memory.... to many days that passed I don't recollect.... to many pennies piling up in stores....to many pennies ending up in the landfill....to much inflation....to many low wage jobs.... to many angry people.... to many people being bad....to many deniers.... to little change.... to many people killing.... to much government gridlock....to many dead beat elected representatives.... to many people wasting.... to much wasted food.... to much water wasted....to much wasted fuel.... to much ignorance....to much war for oil....to much war for greed....to much war for lies.... to much war for peace....to many dead from war....to many dead from "peace".... to much too much.... to much infinity.... to much expanding universe....to many stars....to much rain.... to much sun.... to much wind....to much cold....to many cigarette smokers....to few exercising.... to many complaining.... to many situations we lack influence.... to many unanswered questions....to many patterns....to many fossil fuel users.... to many pit mines.... to many strip mines....to many dead miners.... to many oil wells....to many dead oil workers.... to many people starving, to many people sick, to many people unevenly distributed on this planet.... to many leaky faucets....to many dollar stores....to few decent wages.... to many liars....to many to's to list!

Wednesday, July 30, 2014

I am going back to the future or how I am validating my feelings of the past with the present...

I may have mentioned growing my hair since July 2009, the last time I buzzed my hair to the scalp. I am in the 5th year of growing it. When I was much younger I never grew it this long. They wouldn't permit it. They got upset and oppressed me when by hair touched my collar. My parents didn't care, it was the public school system I was an indentured slave to.

My first opposition to authority came in the 6th grade when I learned the power of Fuck You when said to an adult's face. When an adult, our PE teacher who happened to be a former US Marine wanted 3 of us who palled around together to do laps or some nonsense because he didn't like us and needed to show us who was boss. We almost to a boy at the same time told him Fuck You! And then we ran and we out ran this guy. Of course, we got caught when we went back to school the next day or was it when they called our homes and spoke with our parents and beat because that was what our fathers did for punishment in those days. We were also forbidden to hang together any longer. That wasn't that hard for me and eventually I found new friends to hang with. Hanging out with different people over time was my m/o. I would form friendships and loose them just as easily. I have no friendships left from elementary school, no one I kept in touch with. I didn't even keep them around as I changed schools etc. That is the nature of some of our relationships from the past. I am discovering finally that it is ok to let go of friendships because as we mature our likes and values often change and what we like to do and who we like to do it with changes. I am finally Ok with that, finally!

I started writing this near to the beginning of the year and it is now past the middle of the year. It is Ok, as I have been busy with all kinds of adventures. As I often say, " I am consistently inconsistent" Of course that doesn't mean I am unreliable. I have almost always been reliable and consistent to get to work for instance. I have made punctuality an obsession. I have been punctual when I was going to work and later to school in my early and late 40's. Who knows if I am done with school? I don't know that far into the future.

My hair is still growing and I was frustrated with it yesterday and considered cutting it, but didn't.  This is actually the first time in my life I have felt comfortable with whatever my characteristics and outwardly appearance happens to be... Took all this time to be accepting of myself, without having doubt if I am doing the right thing or not. I was terminated from my 6.5 year job of driving school buses and a darned stressful job at that. I am ready to leave it behind. I wasn't at first, but doors opening and doors closing well, got that backwards but you know. One closes and a new one opens, perhaps something that has opened before and maybe it is time to once again go there. Or even some that I have never done will beckon to me. I know they are.


Wednesday, January 1, 2014

I am surprisingly tired and I didn't do anything to warrant it!

I am drowsy, having driven up into the Columbia River Gorge this afternoon, getting out to take various photo's. I am listening to the listener picks from one of the local commercial radio stations, thinking about what I am going to get for dinner. I am changing my eating habits as my 1 and only New Years resolution. Change the way I eat and everything else will change appropriately along the way.

On the news on TV which is on mute, San Antonio Texas, Porta Potties catch fire! Big news story of 2014.

Maybe I am down realizing I will be going back to work in several days. I was so relaxed not working for over a week. Wow, and now I guess I am gearing up for the coming next rush of working. 12 weeks of work until Spring Break. Ugh! Of course we will have various days off along the way. 47 working days until a week off in March. Then we go another 2.5 months until summer break. All of this will likely go more quickly than I like. As I age, will be 64 this year, Yikes! Got to find someone who will still love me at that age. That's not really a high priority. Not a likely to happen though since I am not well to do. It is only well to do men it seems that get partners at my age. I think they must have a lot of bank accounts. I don't back so those don't count as assets for me.

I'm wandering. I will have to start walking more. The TV news says it makes a big difference and I know from the past it is true. I am just so used to doing nothing. A family tradition, sitting still reading or what I am doing, playing on the computer. Tomorrow I will not drive anywhere, but walk to destinations. Actually, I don't like to drive around that much since I am still driving a school bus during the school year. Driving my car around town is not as safe as driving my bus. Got to go now, maybe a nap. The other thing I am going to try and do is come here and write more. Not just this crap either. Something real, such as in my other blog which contains it seems better content.