Have you ever thought you saw, but when you checked nothing

I was sitting at my computer this evening and I will swear on a document that I saw someone pass by my bedroom door that was open 1/4 of the way. That feeling came over me, the one when I feel as though I am not quite sitting here in 2009. Then that someone passed by the door again, this time in the opposite direction. This time I got up to look and of course there was no one. The person was wearing a pastel yellow top, that's what caught my eye. No, there is no one in this house other than my cat and I. It is or was likely not a solid human being. I have had similar experiences in the past and one time I got scratched by a cat that wasn't there too. I still have the scars on my hand. I was sitting by a fire in a house I lived with others. Someone was playing the guitar and there was a door that I was near and suddenly my hand was bleeding, two lines and I glimpsed a cat who wasn't solid. It made no noise and it disappeared when I looked straight at it. When I exclaimed I just got scratched they asked me if was our cat and said no, it was a ghost cat, a cat that wasn't there. Same feeling that I had with the person in yellow. I'm wondering if it is not the area or the situation if it is me, if I am haunted?

This is about the season of caring and giving and living to tell about it.

I had a somewhat spiritual experience. To better convey a way to describe the experience I will allow that it was as if an angel or the spirits of the season stepped into my body and took over my actions and cleansed my spirit, my brain and my body. It is not like in the past where my mom or others have told me to keep this to myself. This is a connection I have been given, an awareness I have been listening for. It is huge gift to me so that I can pass if forward. It is not something that I should keep quiet about. More people need to hear that much is possible that we are all connected, that great works can be accomplished with small actions by many. It is hard to describe except to tell you the results of this experience. I have a new mantra, "for the greater good". My brain has been cleansed of prejudice and malice. I feel no ill will towards anyone. I am not thinking of others as "oh they should this or that or coulda'a, would'a, should'a. I've even lost the thought or the prejudice when people take actions that are not well thought out. I include myself in the description of noot having malice towards anyone. The remnants of self loathing seem to have been lifted. When walking from the van where we parked down the street to the market the homeless people were hanging out at the corner of the sidewalk and the entrance to the market parking area. It was cold and a woman was bundled up shivering. This is when I feel the angel enter my spirit. Usually, when coming from the market we give anyone asking or looking as though they are going to ask some money. Today was different. Just then after the angel had touched me I exclaimed to my friend that I was going into the store, right to the deli section and getting two containers of soup. Now, I am not someone who has extra funds, but that thought didn't even occur to me. I went straight to the deli section, asked the person there what were the two soups and choose the chicken/spinach as the right choice to purchase and take to these people outside. I told him what I was doing and told me that made him feel good and he pointed out the bread and crackers and told me where I could pay and get utensils. I had the money, which is some what of a miracle to me, because I've not had money often in the past several years. I have a new sense of value for my meager purchasing power. I immediately took the soup to the woman and asked her if she didn't have a friend and she said he was in the store. She thanked me and opened the soup right away and started spooning it into her mouth. I walked away feeling that my heart was enriched, that I am finally connected in a solid way to the rest of humanity. I feel more hope and faith that everything happens for a reason. I don't know if the spirits are gone or if they remain. I have a new mantra "for the greater good" and much of who believe I am and what my purpose in life is, is being fulfilled. I have more balanced understanding of my place in the universe. I need to keep moving forward. I am sharing this in the hope that others pass some of what they have along to others whomever they meet, without prejudice. It's 10:00 on Monday and have to finish my dishes, get off the computer and drink another cup of coffee and practice my mantra because by doing so I further my connection to that purpose I have been listening for.

Yesterday while going grocery shopping

to many chiefs

You know how it goes, I'm going out on assignment and another boss comes up and says" do me a favor and fuel the buses you all use when you get back tonight, will you?" Of course I said. He called me this afternoon when I was out shopping for groceries and asked me if I fueled the buses last night and my time. I said yeah, you asked and I said yes, didn't you look at the fuel sheet? We write all the milage and gallons down on a spread sheet. Then he went on to talk about the old steam engine that the City of Portland owns and they are running it for the holiday season. I told him what time I worked fueling buses but he didn't listen. We hung up the phone rang and I told my shopping friend, it's him calling to get the time I worked. I told him 12:15 to 1:46 and he said 12:15 this morning? And I said yes. He said he didn't think the zoo was open that long and I said Forestry Center Event! He tried to apologize by saying he no idea that it was going to be so late.

I keep forgetting I'm not 25 any more. I still work like I am. Maybe I'm reliving my younger years because the first time I screwed them up pretty badly. Of course, not all of the screwing up was my fault, only 50%. got to go.

Shopping with my friend and former neighbor today

We first went to the People's Co-op for the usual bulk items etc. and for me to remedy the error I contributed to on the first. I bought some coffee and used a recycled bag that had several code numbers penned onto it. I put a line through several and wrote the right code. As I was checking out I had an item that was $13.77 and although it sent up a flag, I said nothing, but did ask for a receipt. They ask if you want one, otherwise the paper is saved. I discovered my error a couple of days later. Apparently, I missed the coding on the other side of the bag for Sassafras which is $25.99 an ounce. Wow! I got it straightened out today, a whopping $9.00 credit which made my bill today $7.50. I love the People's Co-op. Here is their link! http://www.peoples.coop/

It is one of my most valued places to visit in Portland. There is more spirit in a store of this nature. Everyone that shops or works their contributes in their own way, adding to the flourishing existence of that popular store.

I was considering my swollen lower extremities and

the thought occurred to me I wonder is heart damage is reversible? I went to ask. com and heart attacks are not reversible and below that I found this:

Damaged heart
Shop for Damaged heart, Compare Prices Find more Damaged heart you'll love.
www.Kaboodle.com

I think it is odd to suggest that someone is shopping for a damaged heart. I guess that there are so many bots out there without hearts that it is impossible for them to imagine that we are not interested in a damaged heart to purchase! Of course, maybe that is just my damaged brain and the way I look at the world?

I worked long hours yesterday...

It is predicted to be a cold week up until Thursday and no precipitation. There seems to be a clamor, an anticipation that snow is imminent. Some dread it, others accept it and some relish in the idea of the cold whiteness that our landscape becomes. The Zoo Lights would be fantastic to view twinkling through snow and I will have to consider taking the Max. to the zoo if the snow stays around for me to take some ducats and wrap myself up and venture into the throngs of parents accompanying their children into the world of fantasy.

I signed in at the dispatch office at 3:45 pm on the 5th of Dec.and signed off at 1:46 am on the 6th of Dec. When I got to dispatch my fueling boss asked me if I could do him a favor and fuel the buses the other 4 drivers and I were taking to the Portland Zoo Lights shuttle service after we were done. I didn't really think about my sign off time and said yes. I don't think he had a clue to my sign off time. We got to the zoo and were activated, (just add water, kidding of course) and drove pretty steadily from that point until 10:15 pm. We carried over 1200 passengers from the parking lot a 1/2 mile away to the zoo and back on that cold Saturday night. Of course, we were in our warm buses. Some of the passengers were irritated that the coordination of the shuttle was not as efficient as it could be because there is no dedicated road for the buses and we have to creep through the car traffic that leading to the zoo, which is being turned around near the entrance only to become shuttle riders once they figure it out. People it seems are still attempting to count on luck for getting into the immediate zoo parking area, even though there is overwhelming evidence that their efforts will go unrewarded. And it seems there are a number of people who are unsatisfied with just turning around when directed to do so as though they are unprepared for this action and have to stop the whole line of traffic behind them to ask whatever questions or demand entrance of the security person, sometimes for as long as a minute which can seem like much longer when you are anticipating moving along to your destination smoothly much longer. When the passengers on my bus starting spewing to me how inefficient the shuttle was and how it could be remedied, I suggested they take thier ideas to the Metro, the people who run the zoo. Of course I didn't hear one person say, great idea, I'm going to do that. I don't really know what people are thinking because their actions tell a different story. I don't like to generalize, but there is probably a large percentage of professional drivers who have wondered what people are thinking when driving because of many actions that are executed that defy rational behavior. I usually just exclaim either out loud or quietly to myself, "What are you thinking?" when I encounter daily what some people consider as a normal transportation experience. It can be changed, but the people who make the decisions need to know. The people who make the decisions I suspect know what a cluster F&%K it is when they try to funnel thousands of people into a single two lane road in a short window of time. That's why when they visit the zoo lights, they get a special closed to the public preview and don't have to deal with the masses. I could go on and on and usually do, but for some reason, I've caught myself here. That's enough. I'm going to the metro zoo sight and register my observations to the authorities and see if there is a plan in the works to remedy this situation.