Monday, November 22, 2010

A lot has been happening since July 2010, LIARS!

So I have been spending a lot of time on Face Book because I can write a lot there and in my notes page. There is really no reason for me to have this account too. I have heard the words that facebook is attempting to collect all of peoples into the same user friendly system with email, fb and their other services. It looks like it is going the same way other media's have gone to the big 3 or 4 and all the little guys will be chewed up and spit out, except there are to many established little guys so perhaps that is what Net Neutrality is really about, getting rid of the little sites and just allowing us only limited choices. That sounds familiar to me. Notice the suffix on the end of fami? Liar, that's my representation of big business represents. Along with Politics=Liars and Marketing= Liars, we also have large corporations=Liars. so, if you want to read me, come to my fb page, Joseph Jeffrey Clyde and friend me and see what I have been up to, until then, happy, happy happy!

Saturday, July 31, 2010

Not much writing going on here

I am thinking I need to come back here and produce something, yet, I am producing plenty in other places mostly not here, but other places working on projects. I had a clarivoyant reading last Sunday that seemed to tie all of it together, helped me to achieve a new level of grounding and feel like the path I am following is the right one.

I suspect that I can write about the person who contacted me from my past in the end of Feb. in what seemed like a sudden rush of energy. Our combined energy was more than we felt was just us, meaning that there was some spirit involved. I know how I felt and still feel. It has been my quest for many years to turn from what I think I feel to how I actually feel. Kind of thinking with my heart as I call it. Our first contact was like an explosion of energy, very powerful. It certainly seemed to come from love. Defining the love though was tough since I only had my past experiences to rely on. And red flags, none were acknowledged, although plenty of them were flying within my sight! With that said, of course it was no wonder that I thought I was in love. She expressed similar feelings and so we ran with all the feelings surrounding that expression. It was as I said, explosive and at some point she told me she felt weird. That was after I went to her town and stayed with her a week. That was not without problems, my health. BPH, and my not treating it and going to the emergency room for treatment, once while in her town and once while out on the road returning home. Painful and scary!

When I got home we continued our verbal and email pursuit of our love, but shortly after she told me the weird feeling, she revealed something else and that changed the course of what I thought might be true love. While distances apart she told me we couldn't be sexual anymore meaning all of our bantering about touching etc. was going to stop. I adjusted my thinking to a different course using a compass and it's 360 degrees as an analogy of where we could take our energy levels and how to apply them on a friendship level. I am not sure how she felt about that, though she did tell me that most people who are involved and someone says that they can't be sexual any more ends the relationship, it occurred to me at some point that maybe that is what she intended. I never really got around to digging into or exploring all of that. I told myself that I was going to do it all differently and since she was the one who was leading on this, I had to make some difficult choices. I was not over the energy of this at all. (I am not over the energy that I feel was given to me as a gift from the moment she contacted me either, although I have adjusted to it.

My belief is that the energy is something we are all given long before we actually know or can define it and at some point in our short lives it gets a fine tuning and our awareness is adjusted so that we can better use it along our journey. ) So, I suppose that the clincher for her came when she became involved with another lover. I sensed something about a week before she told me which was on a thursday or friday. This was a blow to me and I expressed what I felt as to her taking another lover before we could review what we had gone through. She told me we made no promises about this, which seemed a cold reality, harsh and blunt. On the following monday she called me and her voice was very horse. My feeling is it must have been a mistake, that she had intended to call her current lover, but somehow she got me. She also got a response from me that was rather rude but it was not intended to be, but turned into the clincher for her to completely disconnect from me, to inform me about a week later that she was now fearful of me and that I should seek professional counseling. Wow, and of course back to 12 step programs regularly. She was prescribing what she felt I needed to get back on track.

For weeks I processed my feelings, writing and sending her emails hoping that we could find some common ground, but to no avail. Even at our geographical distance she did not want to engage. It is understandable, another new relationship that she wanted to forget about the bad feelings I had dredged up and focus on the good feelings with her new endeavor. I did have that one slip of the tongue and apologized for it on at least 2 occasions to her and she accepted. I am now weeks away from communicating with her, having had my reading which let me realign my feelings to a base of strength, back into my heart of hearts and there are alive and well. I told myself I would stay away from trying to figure it out, from any negativity since that would just drag against my heart and not do anyone any good. I also know that she has been hurt more than many human beings in the past and it is not my intention to contribute to that. She is very dear. My feeling is that if I stay on my path all will be within my grasp to handle with the grace given to me by spirits or the creator of us all or perhaps our combined positiveness that is where we are. Yes, I had to write this here, because I have written many words about my feelings and of course this is long winded. I have my own other journals etc. but I'm sure that it is all part of a process of healing and growing.

Sunday, April 25, 2010

Where am I, how did I get there?

Actually, I know I am at Blogger. I don't come often anymore. My energies are divided by more pressing matters and writing about my daily life while I am trying to live it is more than I can handle at this time.

I did attend a social function last night in Portland I want to share a little about.It was put on by the anti-racist action network. I can't link, to digitally challenged for that now.
My friends went outside to wait for another person and while I was at the information table a guy came up to me and said I had to leave. No I don't and he yes I did. I said, no very passively, but I was getting a feeling that his energy was very aggressive. I told him he was mistaking me for someone else and sure enough his associate came and said, not him, that guy pointing a finger at another aging gentleman who was sitting nearby. Apparently, that other aging gentleman had brought some Neo-Nazi's to Portland last year to speak to people at a public event. This is quite likely why the anti racist people were meeting last night. This is an important issue and can be found out about what you can do to report activity by Neo Nazi groups. Just go to the Anti-Racism Action Netork and find out more info. I am into info and the local press doesn't do justice to the news because of whatever reasons they are driven by, perhaps the almighty $$$$

Sunday, April 11, 2010

Your Yearly Test

Your yearly
dementia test

It's that time of year to take our annual senior citizen test.
Exercise of the brain is as important as exercise of the muscles.
As we grow older, it's important to keep mentally
alert.. If you don't use it, you lose it!

Take the
test presented here to determine if you're losing it or
not. The spaces below are so you don't see the answers
until you've made your answer.
relax, clear your mind and begin.

1. What do you put in a

"bread." If you said "toast," give up now and do
something else. Try not to hurt yourself. If you said
bread, go to Question 2

2. Say "silk"
five times. Now spell "silk." What do cows

Cows drink water. If you said "milk," don't attempt the
next question. Your brain is over-stressed and may even
overheat. Content yourself with reading more appropriate
literature such as Auto World. However, if you said
"water", proceed to question 3..

3. If a red
house is made from red bricks and a blue house is made
from blue bricks and a pink house is made from pink
bricks and a black house is made from black bricks, what
is a green house made from?

Greenhouses are made from glass. If you said "green
bricks," why the hell are you still reading these?? If
you said "glass," go on to Question

4. It's
twenty years ago, and a plane crashes from 20,000 feet
over Germany (If you will recall, Germany at the time
was politically divided into East and West Germany .)
Where would you bury the survivors? East Germany, West
Germany, or "no man's land"?

Answer: You
don't bury survivors, dipstick.
If you said ANYTHING
else, you're a dunce and you must stop. If you said,
"You don't bury survivors", proceed to the next

5. Without
using a calculator - You are driving a bus from London
to Milford Haven in Wales . In London , 17 people
get on, in Milford , 16 get off. Name the

Answer: Oh,
for crying out loud! Don't you remember your own name?
It was YOU!!

Now pass this
along to all your friends and pray they do better than

PS: 95% of
people fail most of the

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

It has been longer than I intended, but that's life

Lot's has happened since I posted last. I went on a road trip, took my cat Jerky and she liked it. she road up front in the passenger seat occasionally getting up to put her front paws on the window sill to look at the passing scenery. I let her out at the destination in Sacramento CA where we intentionally ended up to visit with a woman that I once knew and am getting to know very well again. We were there for a week. I had couple of medical emergencies concerning my prostate gland blocking the urine from exiting my bladder and the result is me following that up with a visit to the doctor. Urinary doctors. It was difficult to get an appointment,not having a primary care physician. I am hoping I can get the follow up care and medication to keep my prostate from shutting off my urine again, since I am wearing a catheter. It is somewhat uncomfortable and the second I had installed on my trip kind of putting a big dent in the good things that happened, the reason for the whole trip. To many people have access to this blog now and I have to keep most of my business to myself. I of course, linked it to my face book page and I am diverting my writing energies to nothing on line.

There is something I want to comment on today about my driving job. I take a different route home to get to NW 24 AVE. from NW Lovejoy down NW 25 to NW Northrup and left on NW 24th because the turn at NW 24th from Lovejoy is tight and there is to much traffic. When I come down Northrup there is a fire hydrant on the opposite corner that I turn into making a left and that allows me space the turn. Today there was a truck parked there making my turn uncomfortable along with a guy talking on a cell phone wanting to take my right of way, I have no stop sign and he has one. He was on my right. Then a car shows up on the left stopping in the cross walk that is not painted on the ground effectively taking my right of way. So both of these vehicles took my right of way and forced me to give it to them. It happens all the time in the bus, people just think that because we are a bus, they don't want to be behind us for any reason. It is frustrating and then there was the illegal park. If that wasn't there I would have just made the turn, but instead let all them first, but not without honking my horn to express my displeasure. I am working on an article I want to publish in the local press tell about my job from my stand point because there are so many times that people take advantage of school bus operators not realizingt whom we are often carrying!

Saturday, February 6, 2010

Great place to eat food!

I got up early this Sat. morning for a field trip. I like to sleep in until about 0600 on Saturday mornings, but it was 0430 again. Drove to NE and picked up my bus, drover Lincoln HS, then to Cleveland HS, then to Clackamas HS and dropped off the very sleepy wrestlers for a regional bout with 14 other High School. I'm waiting for a call to return to Clackamas. The scheduled pickup time was 2030 this evening, but they said more 1400. They are supposed to call me an hour before so I can stop what I am doing, head to the bus yard, get bus and head to Sunnyside Rd down 205. Oh boy, short weekend.

It's not raining and I am just doing things around the cave, the one I moved into the first of the year, that is below ground level. I got my air purifier from FEDEX. Said signature required on the instructions and since I didn't see it anywhere checked on it's delivery. Delivered it said. After checking with a couple of neighbors I happened to notice it over by the garbage cans in plain sight. Oh, boy FedEx!

It is on and good for 500 sq. ft and it is working. It has a timer and several cleaning mechanisms. It has a pre filter which is just crappy foam, a charcoal filter, a reusable Hepa filter, a photo catalyst filter and a UV light to kill anything else. I've had it on now about an hour and the air is so different. I had been loaned a small 85 sq ft unit from friends and it worked reasonably well, but it is over worked. The one I purchased is really good and I had to squeeze Ben out of my bank account to get. Well worth it.

On a final note that is actually what I started to write about is The Little Red Bike Cafe that my sister and I ate at on Monday the 1st of Feb. I have been back I think twice. I am incredibly impressed by the quality of the food. It is probably the most delightful out dining I can recollect ever experiencing.I guess I better back that up with something. I don't dine out much because I can't read the labels and most of the food that is good or excellent I can't afford, to pricey. The menu at the LRBC is pretty well fixed with posted specials on the board. The breakfast sandwich I had this morning zoobomb was a combo of some kind of Italian bread I am to lazy to look up and can't pronounce with these caramelized onions, egg, an aoli sauce, some white cheese that when cooking or heated the aroma comes drifting out of the kitchen stirring ones imagination to the culinary delights that are coming after it and making my mouth water just writing about them. Just like love, the food at the LRBC is just to precious and delicious to write about, there are not enough words in my vocabulary that are attainable. Well, that's the best. The best for last except of course my spelling is in the tank. Just to distracted thinking about trying to rationalize going then again before the weekend is over.

Sunday, January 24, 2010

Well, twice now Blogger is not accepting my html tags

Has to be my execution. I am so inconsistent, not coming around etc. it doesn't really surprise me that much. I'm living in this basement and it I had a lot of low energy. My friends loaned me an air filtration system with Ionization and it has made a difference. I'm going to purchase a unit that has Ionization, UV, washable HEPA filter, charcoal filter and something else, plus it will filter more air, enough for 500 square feet as opposed to the 100 square foot unit I am using now. I spent the whole day hanging my TV set from my ceiling with chains. Not as low as I had planned on, actually 1 inch higher than when it was sitting on my roll away tool box. I'm considering constructing another shelf with two pieces of 1/2 inch plywood like the first one I constructed for the TV that it is sitting on. Since it is already hanging, I will be able to concentrate on other matters. The 1 inch sheet I glued and screwed together is pretty nice and certainly strong enough to hold the TV. The load is distributed of course by the four suspension points. I built it strong because I don't want the TV to come crashing down for any reason. It is more likely that I will leave it up high as opposed to constructing another strong shelf. I will hang another shelf to hold the stereo receiver and am working on some shelves for the small speakers I have. I am going to put eye bolts in the speaker shelves and strap them down so they don't jump to the floor for some reason. I am planning on staying here for about 3-5 years at which time I will purchase a class B motor home in which I plan on living as long as I am capable of driving. I sure hope I keep my faculties long enough to drive across the country a few times. I'm turning 60 on the 31st and still find it hard to believe I have lived this long. What is it about us baby boomers? Did we think we would stay babies all our lives? It sure has taken me a long time to mature. I am finally realizing I am maturing, but still have a lot of mirth left. One week left and then the new decade. I may look older, but that is just the outside. The inside is a mixture of youth and age. Wow, it is amazing to me still!

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

My new living situation

My new landlord is a good guy, easy to talk to, no pretension. This is his first house, he was raised in Hood River up the Columbia River Gorge in North Mid Oregon, 70 miles East of Portland. Hood River is one of the first places I took a road trip to when i first moved here in 2007. I"m living out of the basement, meaning that my main room is the bassement, semi finished, concrete floor that is painted brown, a small set tothe side room. What I find interesting in this basement is the house heating system. In order to install it years before my landlord considered purchasing a house, a couple of someones removed some main supporting members ot the existing main house supporting members, beams and floor joists. Upstairs you can sense this with the creaking of the floor as one walks through the house. The current owner has owned this relic for 4 years. Like he said it is the first one he's owned. It makes me wonder if he consulted anyone who knows anything about construction when he was considering purchasing it. Oh well. I asked him if he was planning on putting insulation and sheet rock on the ceiling down here and he said no, thought that it would severely limit the head room. He painted the basement ceiling black, perhaps to mask the missing supporting members of the main house floor. Covering the ceiling in sheet rock would require any conscientious builder to also add extensive supporting members and blocking nailers to the existing structure. I think the plan is to live here maybe ten years, fix up the yard and the outside, make a pleasant visual experience for the next buyer and now knowing more of what to look for in a house, purchase something that has not been gerry mandered by the previous owner and his pals.

The basement is sound and water tight and I plan on staying here at least 2 or perhaps 3 years hoping that my landlord is planning on staying beyond that. I am putting some effort into making it more comfortable and will post some pictures. I hope that this experience doesn't turn me into a bear in a cave. I am already looking like one. Work is calling!

Sunday, January 17, 2010

Never mind, I am rusty on my html and can't post my link

go to You tube, watch General Larry Platt and our friend Neil Young perform Pants on the Ground. who else other than Neil Young could cover pants on the ground

Saturday, January 16, 2010

Moments of and I know this is not what you have come to expect or is it?

NOt much to say, off the picture frame. I had a whole post that was just wandering and took it to another site, my own personal writings, journal. I have three days off with pay for MLK day as long as I work the Friday before and the Tues. after. And someone said, what do unions do for us? How about the 8 hour day, how about a voice in the work place, how about paid holidays, paid sick days, paid vacations. The unions were the people who forced employers to give us a fair shake. Most people don't belong to a union. Union participation in the US is down to last I checked 13% of the work force. Thats low, but it will get better maybe. Unions. I manned the phone back last week to call people to vote yes on Props 66 and 67 up here in Oregon. These props raise taxes for the more well off including some businesses and the fight against the props is that it is going to sacrifice workers because that is what happens when business is strangled. What happens with business is doing badly, they lay off their workers and move to a country with cheaper labor. Has nothing to do with taxes, it has to do with greed and what is right. Oh, well, got to go. Other fish to fry so to speak!

My normal state of mind is bouncing off of everything

My thoughts are everywhere, confused as usual but I come out of it too. Currently, I am having a dilemna of feelings of affection towards a woman who is 600 miles away. Let me put it differently, I am projecting my feeling of affection towards a woman 600 mile away whom I can't possibly become involved with because I am here and she is there. We went of a couple of times before I moved away and I feel like we were heading for something. I have always been lost around my feelings. I was listening to the radio yesterday and someone was talking about those who worry about love and if it is the right one and those who fall in love easily. Now I don't know where I fit in. Everytime I try and communicate my feelings about this very illusive topic or with a woman the object? of my affections, I stumble, I'm sure it is about fear of rejection. A friend of. Even though B keeps saving what I am writing apparently not fast enough to keep me from erasing my paragraphs. I just wrote about my goal orientation and being only able to focus on one goal at a time. I have had instances in the past where I was distracted and completely lost track of my goal of the time. I have not been able to change much of this. I have had to adapt and adjust yet not to others standards apparently. I am learning at nearly 60 years old to listen to my own inner voice, yet, I still have this feeling that I can't define so I think it is affection wanting it and wanting to give it. Everybody that knows me knows that I am single. Many that meet me think it is odd that I am not with someone, not married, don't have woman friend, don't have a lot of friends, don't interact with some people because it is my choice. We get set in our ways. I am set in mine, yet almost always aware and attempting to change my own perceptions adapt and adjust. One more thing, different topic. When I get out of the bus my body memory has an impression of the motion of the bus and the then transfers that motion to the ground causing me to feeling like I am still bouncing up and down. It doesnt' happen when I ride the bus or train or when I drive my van, just drivng the bus. See bouncing is the topic, but took me the long way to get there.

Sunday, January 3, 2010

Oh boy and girl, I finally found some patience....

this year can be different. i finally found some patience and am now cruising at jeffrey speed, which is much slower than i have expected from my standpoint for to long. i call it jeffrey speed, because my mind is in constant race and i am attempting to adapt to my feelings and not my expectations or anyone else's expectations. almost 60 years and how many ways can we spell words anyway and still get the meaning? it has been said that if we get the first and last letter right, that even if the in between letters are out of the normal order or correct spelling our brains will still see the correct word. where am i? i know, back to the middle of my thought. i found the patience possibly with this winters break from school bus driving. schools out dec. 18 2009 and restarts jan. 4 2010. i am going to work today to start buses so that we can find the ones that don't start and the drivers won't have that issue to contend with. let's see if i can now load a picture of something since that has been my issue all along lately. this is the house i moved out of that i lived in for 8 months. it must have been a stepping stone for the one i am living in now, which is not as sunny do to the seasonal change. that's not the new house, that is the old house front yard in the snow we had right after christmas. i'll find it with my new found patience. picture with van old house in snow evening. i'll find that new house photo if not now later. i have come through now with my promise of pictures. as you can see the speed of jeffrey gets in the way for no apparent reason. how hard was that to click on the photo icon on my post page? it was hard because i overlook some of the most obvious details with my mind racing. happy new year everybody! you will probably get that salutation from me for at least a month, possibly all year!

Saturday, January 2, 2010

The move is done!

Just in time for the New Year I'm done moving in, now all I have to do is sort through all my junk and down size. I took my remaining CD's to sell the other day and got a measley $15.50 for 90 discs. I was appalled since I was able to get $1-3 a couple of years ago. Wow, should have sold everything then. There is always a reason for circumstances in life and some of them are brought about by our choices! I'm thrilled to be in the new space, my body is getting older, will be 60 in 29 days, my mind is struggling to age, keeps thinking I can move for 3 days and not have to pay the price. I keep saying that I will post pictures but that time has to wait yet again since I am not organized. I am now living in the basement of a house that a younger single father owns. He has his 3 year old daughter part time and is a really nice genuine guy, no hidden agenda's that fooled me the last house mate situation I just moved out of. I'm hoping on 3-5 years in this space. It has the potential and life seems more balanced than the most recent past. I would write about that illusionary situation I was living in, except it is to negative and I have to keep pushing myself out of this chair and forward. I missed it, so Happy New Year to all. I will be getting back here more at least that is my intent. Hold me to it! jjc