It's nine am and I have to finish up, but first...Buster

Buster's condition is deteriorating fast or so it seems. His eye sight is failing and along with his idiocratic vestebular disease he is really struggling. I am just taking it a moment at a time with him and think I may have to put him down, end his life since he is so struggling with just being here now. I am delaying my decision to put him down because it is so painful to think about life without Buster. He is such a loving dog, but I have to think of his quality of life, if he is in pain etc. The vestebular disease is completely horrible and he has compensated masterfully, but even with his compensation, he struggles so much. I've had to walk him on the leash just to keep him from leaning and then falling down to the side.

Last weekend I took him to Oaks Bottom and let him go swimming. Bad idea, even though he has been a good swimmer in the past, his balance issue came out big time in the water. As soon as the river bottom got deeper, he lost his balance in the water and rolled over like a log and began thrashing. If I hadn't run into the river, he would have drowned since he couldn't seem to right himself.

He has old blind dog disease and vestebular disease. I'd heard the band Old Blind Dogs but it didn't strike me as being about dogs, but that is what happens to dogs eventually and some people too. We grow old and the qualities that we have come to expect of our lives leave us. It is because of this aging that makes it tough for our living friends and families. At least Buster and Jerky have me to look after them. It is just tearing at my heart that Buster is going down faster as the moments pass......

Rebelliousness is a learned trait!

I was not always a rebel. I had to learn it from someplace, my survival mode. I couldn't accept what society wanted me to be from an early age. What was left was non conforming. Being rebellious is not so comfortable most of the time. I am constantly at war inside myself.

Just as with many of my peers I have been searching my soul for my own happiness. It certainly isn't something that happens from the outside. Happiness is an inside job. I have thrived on a positive outlook even in the most negative of circumstances. The negative side is really powerful and it is a struggle to keep away from it's false promises.

Being a rebel is not a negative experience as society has tried to tell me over and over. Society in the past had no way of integrating my rebellious nature into something that would benefit them I suspect.

Bail OUt Fiasco and the Golden parachutes!

Well, AIG wants more money and the big rip is that they are giving bonuses to the folks that dragged their dicks in the dirt and took the whole company down. They say they are contracts and I put out a comment on NPR about contracts. I said that let them go bankrupt just like like the airlines and auto makers and then abrogate those contracts just like the bankruptcy judges did to the unions.

But those big corporations, AIG and the banks have said we are to big to go belly up, all these things bad things would happen if they were to fail. Guess what, all the bad things have happened and now the tax payers are on the hook! I can't describe how angry I am about all the financial dealings of these companies. And it is not like we didn't know it was happening. The business model hasn't changed for at least 2 decades and we let these people continue to threaten us and rob us because we are afraid to let them fail, then shame on us.