Saturday, March 17, 2012

An update on where I am standing

I just want to admit that it has been one heck of a ride to this point in time. A point that is so small compared to the rest of the universe, well that is a different subject.

That operation I was told I was going to have on my right knee, not happening. Apparently, there was some error in reading my MRI and now it seems that I have been told no operation necessary. What a relief! This idea of an operation and having to move and be quite immobile for unknown length of time really had me intensely focused on emergency procedures for moving, not working, collecting social security, food stamps etc. My sisters suggested I not post all that was going on at Face book, which has pulled me out of that obsession to post all this minute details about my life.

On an aside to that, I read someone's page one day and they said they were addicted to FB. I see how that can happen. Unless we are vigilant in our processes we can find ourselves so distracted by the unimportant trying to sometimes avoid the pain that is right in front of our faces. I lead a distracted life and I still have some goals that I desire to accomplish.

So, I still intend to look for a place over in SE to back to. Most of my friends I have made in Portland live in SE.

Back to the non operation. I have managed because I have people around me who care about me. Because of them and whatever forces including my own nature I am not going to need that operation and knowing that recovery from life or body malfunctions is a process that doesn't happen over night.

Yes, it is true. I am getting very distracted because the faucet has a bad washer and I have to go to the store and eat some lunch. I have not eaten anything today because eating is what I do to give me energy for my M-F activities. The stress that is generated at my job eats up my energy.

Stress from my job is large and I only came to this realization after pulling down the veils of denial that I usually put over my eyes keeping me moving forward. At some moment in time after many drips, a pool forms and it is the recognition that I have been denying the forces that surround and shape my external world. I'm going all over the place. That is normal for me but I have discovered it about myself and can stop it such as right now! Done for today.

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