I'm no prize, but kind of felt good today at TJ's when....

an attractive woman said hi to me while shopping. Of course, I had no defined action for the moment except to say hi back. Later, I asked myself why I didn't ask her if she would like to meet for coffee or lunch or could I feed her some chocolate? I just don't think of myself in the right way along those lines. It did make me feel good. I was looking rather sharp today in my black and gray shirt with old cars on it in yellow. I was also wearing my black dockers and had just trimmed my hair, read buzz and did my beard the same length. My beard at this short length looks more attractive and is not so hot. I think it adds to making me younger looking but not sure about that. Then I was wearing my dark glasses and a ball type cap. Yep, that made me feel good, better. I'm glad I now have money to spend on myself. Not much, but enough to at least go to the second hand stores and shop and purchase.

Onward to the new room mates. Room mate A is the house owners disabled brother and room mate B is a younger guy studying to become a nurse and working too as an attendant for a disabled person, not rm A. I've found that out some things having lived with these guys now for about 3 weeks. A is not to bright, has been in AA for about 20 years but has a prescription drug problem that gets him loaded on occasion. B is an aggressive know it all who is sometimes a bully and has temper tantrums when things don't go his way or if he doesn't want to engage, he ignores us. I'm done letting him use me as a door mat. You see, I'm pretty passive now that I have nearly 23 years clean and sober, although many including myself feel that c and s is not really an appropriate term for someone who has maintained abstinence for that long. Clean works best, but this is not that 12 step program. I let people take the rope out and if they hang themselves or whip me with it I will then determine how I will interact with them. I'm slow mentally that way and it takes me a while to figure out how I will deal with someone.

Buster my dog has an ailment beyond his Vestebular disease, possibly a brain lesion. It gives
him something like seizures. I took him to the emergency vet the other day. We are treating his other ailment, arthritis with a pain med.

So yesterday it was really hot and I left him outside where there is shade while I went to work. I left a note on the door so there would be no misunderstanding about leaving him out. Both room mates had a chance to read it since they were not home when I left. Today, I left Buster and the cat Jerky outside without a note and the understanding that he would stay out because it is to hot inside and I don't want him cooped up in our room while I am gone. Outside he has his pool which he can cool off in and can dig in the dirt and I left his water out there. I specifically said to A that I would let him in when I got home. I got home and A told me he let them in because he was concerned about the temp. He put my dog in the bedroom the one that faces the afternoon sun and the window was not open, but the door to the rest of the house was. I got home and immediately told A that was not what I had wanted. he stammered that he thought it was to hot outside and etc. I got Buster and took him for a walk and then came back and told A that I know he did it out of concern for Buster, but he could have consulted with me by calling me on my cell phone. he said something like yeah, but hadn't thought of it at the time. I also told him once back that I intended to put him out there tomorrow and I expected him to be outside when I get home. I had to spell it out and B heard me say it too.

B did have a little tantrum when A and I were out yesterday, somehow he got into it with the toilet paper holder. he managed to rip one of the arms off the wall. I will give him a week to fix it and then ask him when he expects to have it repaired if it isn't. When I got here and his water pik shower head holder broke i fixed in quickly in a few days. Took me some a day to go and get some JB Weld and then another day to glue it back together and for it to cure for 24 hours. It is not stronger than it was and it I see the other side start to break, I am staying away from it.

So, theres A and B and me. I am not the greatest person, my brain is wired differently, but I do have values that I live by. Honesty, openness and willing to adapt and adjust. I am honest in my communications, but require more information. I wanted to ahve house meetings to discuss ideas and suggestions and delegation of work, but B said his experience has shown him that house meetings are just so that someone can take over the house. I don't want to take over, but I think that B is or has been in charge and is worried that if we all sit down and talk our issues together, he will lose his authority with A. He has certainly lost it with me and my perception is that he sees me as a threat. He always has a reason that something can't be done because it has already been addressed or he tells me that I need to get my dog into obedeince (sorry, can't get the spell check to work for me)training or train him myself. And since I told him I am just loving Buster, he just doesn't get how I allow Buster to be a dog. He has ideas and my ideas clash with him and his ideas. The way I live and conduct my life is stricter than many in different ways. I mentioned my honest and the need for structure and being able to find things where I put them. That's the other thing. When he sees an idea that I institute in the house like put my dust pan and whisk broom in a certain location, he took my broom and dust pan and put them somewhere else and put some other broom that he was keeping in the closet in it's place. well when I told him about that he told me to essentially get over it. There have been other instances and I'm just not going to let him get away with it anymore. He was pulling up dandelions from the yard and pilling them on the lawn furniture. I told him I found that to be unproductive, but he left them there. I wanted to use the furniture, so I just dumped off the weeds and he had them picked up and in the trash before I got home from work. I just don't think that leaving a mess in common areas is Ok, but because he doesn't want to have a house meeting he is not allowing me to express my feelings about living with room mates in a structured situation. It is almost like he can't imagine anyone else who thinks different then him. Yeah, I needed to write all that, just get it out. I describe B now as a jerk. B's a jerk and A is a drugged up sober guy and me, I'm just to sensitive as I know since people have always told me that. I just take things to personally. Like when they use me as a door mat, I am just supposed to pick myself up and pretend it didn't happen? Seems to me that is living life in denial about some behaviors.

I don't know when I am posting pictures, not tonight.