Tuesday, August 28, 2012

403 as the future looms, the past beckons!

Continuing onward from 2003-2004 my 54th year. Numerically it is all linked, addition or subtraction. How hard is that to put our minds around. 

The stiffness in my hands and fingers, the stiffness with the lack of getting out and lightening up, my diet. 

Diet is a big buzzword in our society and seem s to have taken on a new leap into acceptance this year. Many of us baby boomers have turned 50 by now, some closer to 60 than others. 

What really got my attention yesterday was the moment and I went to get the new stereo that I had decided to purchase, I could see it well. I doesn't matter what you have, because weh it is your time to die, you are not taking spit with you.  We will leave our bodies and we don't know what comes next if anything. I tend to have different experiences with what I think comes next, first one idea then when that seems far fetched another and nothing comes next. 

Yes, age  is catching up to me.

I have been going to KPF in the mornings answering the phones during their fund drives. I remember when my father pledged to KQED back in the 1950's. He pledged $5 and got a mink skinned hat and gave it to me. Of course, all my friends at the time had coon skin hats and when I got mink it was difficult to fit in. My mink skin hat was my favorite pet, even though it was dead and had no soul or life. I have a rabbit skin I purchased and use it to help me sleep in the day time because of my late night job at FedEx. I put that rabbit pelt on my face and it is warm and comforting. I think of the rabbit that once occupied this skin and fur and with that is a certain sadness that animals have to die for some humans. We shouldn't be killing animals or treating them badly! Of course, that is somewhat off the path of the subject of KPFA and donating time and energy to the radio station because they are an active part of the community keeping the airwaves open and not taking corporate sponsorship which can deaden the truth. That small experience with KQED was never understood by me. I didn't really understand much about society since I was continually battling against my own feelings leaving me in a chaotic state most of the time. 

I am getting ready for my work week. Had the last two Fridays off. Wow, that was something! The extra time off gave me the rest I needed and still feel I need. 

I've got an application for New United Motors down in Fremont. I've had some trouble with some of waht they want me to sign off on. They ask for my age and something else that will come to me later. It irritates me taht I have to check up on a company that I am considering working for. Are they violating my basic rights? Carla, my downstairs neighbor says that the reason she doesn't get he teaching jobs she applies for is ageism. I believe it is definitately true for some jobs and not others. I say that the schools that pass her over are missing out on an artist who has been working at her art her whole life and is going to miss that part of her experiences to pass along to other aspiring artists. I can now see how much of a problem it is ageism and how much it affects our culture, how we turn away from those that came before us looking for newer and less experienced so what, we can mold them into what society thinks their roles should be? It sucks. 

The other part of the application that I couldn't remember is they ask an applicant to allow by signing  to give full disclosure from the previous employers how many absent days they have had. Of course, it doesn't distinguish between legitimate days off and phony days off. These are the kinds of abuses that corporations like to be allowed to do. They don't want some government agency telling them what kind of information they can ask of their prospects. Some of it violates our rights and shouldn't be allowed. 

Off onto my life's challenge of ADHD. It is like cases of other known issues different for each individual. Look at me for instance, I didn't get myself tested until I was 50 years old. I noticed issues with work at UAL that I was having trouble understanding some basic mechanical explanations for the way parts went together. I needed answers and at the time it was job related and I wanted to do my job the best I could. I had never been able to put a name on what it is that makes me the way I am. I had never been able to and of course, it has been difficult to let others in on my secret and get them to even consider that there is a reason for my behavior. They just seemed to continue to treat me as a weird individual or continue to thnk of me as should behave like others or themselves. They are unable to put on my shoes and see life from my perspective, yet they want me to do that for them. Double standard is the way it has always been concerning my issues and conformity. Imagine what my world is like, continuing chaos and confusion. That what it is like, not being able to organize my thoughts into a meaningful plan that I can follow. It is part of why I had so much trouble in school. And if it seems like i keep repeating myself, it is because I do repeat myself. I often have little knowledge of what I say, my ability to put any order of what I said in my own head gets lost inside and I can't retrieve it most of the time, hence Chaos and Confusion. No, I am not deaf, blind our unable to speak, but my communication skills have been limited. I am not physically challenged and have been able to pass minimal testing sometimes even better than non standardized situations. Structures work well for me to a point. The free thinking or non structured environment is my downfall. 

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