Wednesday, August 29, 2012

404 as I walk back wards I face forwards

Webster's Dictionary defines what insurance is intended to be, but leaves the door open for the insurance company to modify what it is exactly that they do. Now a days they certainly fill every loop hole so that the insurance you purchase from them is little more than a payment for them to find additional ways for them not to pay you if you file a claim. Insurance to me is like paying rent. You pay them money and when you need something extra, they claim that is not in the contract or they don't have the money. It is all a racket, I know this because my father worked for an insurance company. He was a statistician/secretary-treasurer of a small company that insured doctors and would tell the family often how disgusted he was at the rip off of clients by the company he worked for. That is a pretty narrow view, but I trusted my dad on some things and this was one of them. It has stuck with me from that time on.


I'm working at FedEx at Oakland Airport Hub. I get up at about 1:30am and get ready for work. I am listening to KPFA and they are playing the blues, Jimi Hendrix or Buddy Guy- Red House.

I took on two more jobs at Dream Builders yesterday, the forklift and pruning the bushes at another property in West Oakland. I pruned these bushes before, but not to the foreman#1's liking. Apparently I cut them back to sharply. I talked to  foreman #2 about it and then to foreman #1 who said he didn't have time to do the job. Foreman #1 has a lot of experience with plants. So we talked about what I should do and I think I now know more of what he wants and then foreman #1 says, if there is any more problems, they will grow back. It is like hair, the growth will help cover up the mistakes. We all have different levels of acceptance.

Foreman #1 and I like each other and have a better understanding of where each of us is coming from. He was in the hospital some years before and that is when we actually talked about our perceptions. He admitted to me he thought that I was judging him. I thought that was way off base and told him. It was about sobriety. After that we also had another talk and got to know each other better. Part of my problem is low self esteem and stunted social growth do to my alcoholism. He had problems with alcohol to and I had a program and he didn't. He thought I was watching him waiting for a bad move. In that talk we had I told him, I was having enough problems with myself to worry about what he was doing! After that the fear we each had of each other we got along pretty darn well.

This Sat. Malcolm X Festival at San Antonio Part. It was a mixed announcement and I didin't hear it  all.  I should check further into it. Still listening to KPFA and I really like this station. Most of the people working there are volunteers. Volunteerism is really what saves this country, a bunch of people pitching in to fulfill a common need.

Life, what an experience. Sometimes I feel so alone, but I am not, there are millions of human beings all around. We are connected by our experiences. Life is an incredible experience and I am lucky and blessed to be alive! So many things becoming clear to me. One of those is my mortality and as human beings we get hung up in our day to day lives and forget how precious our whole experience is!

{That's it all I have time for this evening. Another installment will happen soon}

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