Chapter 399

I have just come to the idea of how I am separating my current writings from my past writings that I am editing and copying to blogger. I started at chapter 400 and have been adding up for writings I am adding from the past and now am writing something from the present and just came to think I would subtract from Chapter 400 one at a time for current entries. If this makes no sense to you that is ok.  you might think "Why in the Hell would anyone do such a silly thing?" Well, it is how I go. It is about discovery. Are we explorers and leaders or are we all going to go along with an established routine that is predictable and boring? Of course as time passes, I may discover another way to do this and make the changes. After all, I am at the sink where this drip continues through the moments.I may find a washer and replace it or just let the water drip, drip, drip into a receptacle that drains into the garden, cistern is what they are called.

Part of my challenges with organization comes from the way I think. I have been working on understanding and incorporating my process of thinking and actions with introspection and have come to the conclusion that I don't need to do it as others do, but need to do all things the way they work for me. This is not to say, I will not adhere to structures already set up such as laws of the land or laws of the road or working situations and standards. How I do things has matured with my age.

When I do actions that involve others I can adhere and must adhere to the rules and laws that control my actions and those of others. When I drive my bus, I follow a route with times and turns and pick ups and drop off's and must, to complete the job in an orderly way, consistently and I do it well. I am just saying, if I am writing or thinking about something that affects only me or you may interact with me through reading what I write,  then it is because of the way I think that I am writing in a rather confusing way.  You the reader are either going to find a way to read it and it is my hope I can convey what I mean in such a way that will keep you interested or you are going to say, Forget this person, I can't follow that line or his line of that confusion.

But it is this confusion that I have been living with all my life and the attempts to organize my thoughts have fallen each and every time, so I have worked hard at allowing myself my own thought patterns and conforming to established patterns when dealing with others.

I have read some about writing and something that I am unable to do it put the whole writing effort together in my head and then put it into the medium. I write stream of consciousness for the most part, but have discovered that when I am copying my past writings, editing to make more sense.

When I was trying to quit smoking so long ago I kept changing brands, smoking, not smoking changing brands etc. Now, I am trying to continue to drink coffee, which btw I quit all caffeine in 1992-1998 six years. I like coffee, but am having issues with it being satisfying. I have tried coffees away from home that are satisfying me. So what is up with me and coffee? I like it, but my body is changing and I am not getting the same satisfaction. I am not getting a caffeine kick, and the coffee I keep changing and trying is not giving me the same satisfaction. I think I am going to have to quit drinking coffee and I am fighting against what my body is telling me. It this is the case, then I am going to have to find a different place to put my energy or focus more on where I get my energy from which is not from drinks. When I quit drinking caffeine back in 1992 it was a willing decision to see how I felt decaffeinated. I liked how I felt. I never went back to drinking anything but coffee. No sodas! So, here I am today, the 28th of Aug. reflecting on this past summer and what my plans were and how they have either come about or have not yet been realized. One thing for sure though, the cycle of work and school is just about started and I will be on someone else's time schedule. I have adapted to it before and will do so again, though this time I am feeling a little different about it.